My Chloe Is Gone Options

[Jackie]

Hello,
My sweet and beautiful cat Chloe died on Thursday afternoon. She had stomach cancer, which had been in remission briefly, but it had come back fiercely in the last week. When we saw the oncologist on Wednesday, she told me Chloe could live for 4 or 5 days. I thought I couldn't handle putting her to sleep but when I came home from work for lunch on Thursday and saw how shaky her back legs were, I knew I couldn't let her suffer like that. I went back to work but when I came home that evening she had died. I've been racked with grief and guilt ever since because she was alone. My only comfort is that , before I left her each day, I would hold her, pet her, tell her I loved her. That day I had even told her to "let go." I know in my heart she has forgiven me and is in such a happier, less painful place. I think guilt is part of the grieving process but I hope self-forgiveness is also. I feel that God must be happy to have such a beautiful cat up there but I miss her so much and keep torturing myself with the image of her dying alone.
I see other people mentioning guilt in these posts, and although the grief is still very new to me, reading about everyone's experiences has been helpful. I've had Chloe cremated so I plan to put her urn and her picture in a special place.
Thanks for listening.
Jackie

[Jackie]

Dear Jennifer and Tracey,

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I was doing okay today at work until someone asked me how I was and of course, I burst into tears. When I came home tonight it was the first time in months I didn't have to hurry to get home to try to feed Chloe or to give her her pills.

I think the most pain is caused by missing her. Even when she felt her worst she would do something truly sweet, like get up on the bed and lie on my legs or get under the covers if she felt a little chilly. These are the memories I treasure and have to remember instead of thinking how thin and weak she was during her last days.

I'm sure all our beloved pets are getting acquainted somewhere and know how well loved and cared for they were. We may have to send them on their way, but I really believe they are happy and healthy in their new home. Jennifer, I think you're right, they're just waiting to see us again someday.

I have a picture of Chloe on my desk and I'm so glad I didn't move it, I look at it constantly because her eyes are so full of love. I also have a picture at home that shows just her eyes and nose and wherever I go in the room, she seems to be looking at me. :-) I think it's a good idea to keep pictures of our precious pets close by.

God Bless You both and stay strong,

Love,
Jackie