My Sweet Boy, Koda Options

[Kathleen032]

It's been a very long time since I've visited this website. I joined in October of 2004. I'd just lost my dear dog, Shiloh and was so grief stricken and felt like there was no where else to turn. What I found here was a wonderful group of supportive folks who understood what I was going through. Since Shiloh I've lost another dog and 2 cats. Although their losses were very painful, they had lived good, full lives...Emma the dog was almost 15, Strappy and Calvin the two cats were both almost 20 and 21. Today I'm faced with the loss of another dog, my sweet, sweet little man, Koda. He's a Shepherd mix, and he too has lived a good long life. He actually happened into my life shortly after I lost Shiloh. He was a 4 week old puppy who had been dumped on the side of the road with two other siblings and the mother. One sibling and the mother had both been hit by cars, but somehow Koda and his brother were safe. I was not sure I was ready for another dog after losing Shiloh, who I called my soulmate dog, but Koda was cute and my friend who found them said she could keep one but not both, so I caved and all of a sudden had a puppy. Well, 11 1/2 years later, lots of doggie school, lots of walks and rounds of play and cuddling and everything else that is wonderful about having a dog, I'm facing his mortality. Koda was diagnosed with prostate cancer about 3 months ago. Chemo therapy seemed like it gave us a chance for another year with him, but today I know that I'll be lucky to have him another week. What makes this so hard is that for a dog of his age and size he's in remarkable health. He doesn't limp, his teeth are good, his eyes are good, his hearing is good, he'd be happy if I took him for a 3 mile walk twice a day. He still plays with his toys as he did when he was a puppy. He seems so healthy that to look at him you'd never know his bladder and prostate are the site of a growing cancer...growing so much that he can't urinate (he has an indwelling catheter right now). With all my other animals that I've had to euthanize, I knew they were ready and I felt a peace about the decision. I have to say, I don't feel that peace with Koda. He's laying by my side as I type this...just as happy knowing I'm at his side as I am that he's at my side.

I'm just heartbroken and devastated.
Kathleen

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kathleen, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Koda. As you know from previous experience losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. I hope somehow in some way you will find comfort in knowing that your beloved Koda is now restored to his former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Thank you so much for sharing with us the wonderful quote from Brian McGory. When our companions come into our hearts and homes our lives are changed for the better. They literally become the center of our universe. When they precede us to the angels, our lives are changed again as we endure the most excruciatingly painful task of re-inventing our lives without their physical presence. But even though we must endure the pain of adjusting to their physical absence, our lives continue to be enriched because of the eternal love bond we share with our beloved companion. Love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Koda's sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Kathleen - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I do know so very well that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Koda with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Kathleen, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam