The Debate, pts Options

[Saki & Freyj...]

So I say to myself "You should put Lec down before xmas instead of dragging her out to your folks house and stressing her out and etc. ..." Then I say "No, I can't do that. Even though I know she is dying, I should wait til Friday bc I won't be able to get thru xmas if I put her down before then..."

Then I think "Heck, I can't make an appt for friday. Nope. God(s) gave me a sign when it was time to put Frey down, and in their mercy took Saki from me and spared me that pain of putting her to sleep and until I get some sorta damned sign, I shouldn't even think about it..."

Then I look at Lec, cat milk (the only thing she'll consume now-- and very little of that) all over her face, too thin to get a damned needle in her for fluids and I think "YOU need to be merciful, you need to be strong... you are selfish..."

And this goes round and round and round and round in my head all day long.

I've had my talk with lec and told her she doesn't have to be strong and that she can go if she needs to. But I haven't had the balls to ask the gods if they will go ahead and take her. Last time, they answered that prayer, and while I really am quite grateful, at the same time, I guess I am scared that if I do that, they WILL take her...

[Saki & Freyj...]

Sue: Take this the right way: I am glad you forgot a passing of the 6th....

Keandria:
If you couldn't be there, that is OK. Really. I promise. The last thing Kiwi wanted from you is to see you suffer. THINK about that. Would he want to have seen you all hysterical in the vet office??? NO. Of course not. That would've upset him. So you left. It was the right thing to do.

All three of my pets died in my arms. Frey and Lec we had to put to sleep. But Saki died in my arms while ***I*** was sleeping. I was, of all things -- napping. Ya'll can't understand this bc: I DO NOT NAP. PERIOD. I do not nap. But the day Saki died, we had a pts appt for the next day. And I sat down with her, I brushed her, I told her everything that was going on -- with her health, with my emotions.... I gave her permission to go. I asked that if it were time that she go voluntarily, bc I couldn't live with putting her to sleep. And then -- I fell asleep. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THIS? I fell asleep. Bc Saki wanted to go, and wanted to go voluntarily, but she knew that if I were AWAKE, I would've been doing cat CPR--even tho she had massive tumors on her liver, even tho we had a pts appt for her the next day. She didn't want me doing all that cpr and screaming and etc. So -- **I** was "put to sleep" (in the literal and not figurative sense) so she could pass on voluntarily.

Leandria -- it was the same for you. Kiwi did NOT WANT to see you crying and screaming in his face -- so he asked you to leave the room and you did. There is no guilt in that. Do not feel guilty about that. He wanted you to take him to the doctor, and you did. He wanted you to leave the room -- and you did. Be happy that you made your very beautiful Kiwi as comfortable as you could in his last moments.

Love,
Jennifer