Beloved Yue Is Gone... Options

[Nina]

Hi, I've been referred to this forum by my friend sapphire luna. Here is Yue's story

She was 15, and living at my parent's house, but she was...''my'' cat. Even though over the last few years she had become the family's cat. She had never been sick, she was so sweet, even if she got nervous around most people.

Over the last 6 months, she became ill, vomiting, mainly. And then after a month she stopped eating, or barely ate and started losing weight. At first, my parents didn’t tell me, they thought it would pass...but it didn't. So they told me and I got involved. Over the next 5 months, we were going in and out of the vet. Feeding her with a seringue. Trying to find out what the hell she had, giving her different meds, ultrasound, X-rays and blood work two times. No real results....

Finally, three weeks ago, we started treating her for IBD. without having an actual diagnosis. All that time she had up and downs... losing weight, gaining some, then losing again. And I truly believed that I could get her back to health. Or at least, stabilize her so she could live at least two more good years. I was sure that when the time would come to put an end to her misery, I would know...She also became so much friendlier with people she used to fear, like my sister and her kids. She had become overly affectionate with my parents and brother. I thought it was a good thing.

Two weeks into her ibd treatment, she was doing very well, she gained weight, so we decided to postpone her vet appointment to next week. But all of a sudden, bam. My mother weighed her, on monday she was 6.8 lb, but then, two days later, she was down at 6.0 lbs. I was so crushed, I couldn't believe it. I was sure my mom made a mistake, it just couldn't be.

So my mom started measuring what she was actually eating and it wasn't that much. Even though she was still giving her seringues in the morning and at night with her meds, she started giving her more, like we always did when she was not eating. But then on Saturday, my mom told me on the phone that Yue went to eat by herself, but then vomited it all out… On Sunday....vomited everything my mom gave her. On Monday I had decided I would go to the nearest big town to buy raw food, reading that it was great for ibd cats. I was ready and enthusiastic to try this....Monday morning, I called my mom (my parents were supposed to go on a trip so I wanted news before they left) and she was pretty weird on the phone, she told me to come see her first if I was going to go buy Yue some new food in Montreal. So I said okay...but something was up. I had a feeling she left us or something. But I got that idea out of my head and thought: they just want to talk to me about euthanasia...which I was not ready for yet.

Then I got to my parents’ house. My dad and mom were waiting for me on the sofa and told me to sit down. And I wouldn't. And my dad looked up at me, and just told me...''This morning...'' My mom was already up on her feet hugging me. I just couldn't believe it. The night before she threw up again all the food she had in, and started having a hard time walking...At 10PM, she couldn't get up and was crying for my mom. She just knew it was time. My parents and my brother spent the night by her side and finally at 8:10 in the morning she passed away... My brother did try to get in touch with a vet in the morning so they could just end her suffering. But they were not available...

Now everything is so horrible...and pretty much everyone in my family, including my sister who have tried talking to me about ending it two times in those 6 months, knew that this was coming. The only person I would have listened to was actually my dad, but he didn't say anything...he was in pain too, he didn't want to see her leave. And everyone else were scared to talk to me about ending it because they didn't want to hurt me. The worst is, I actually fuelled my hope to my mom, who at that point, treated Yue as her baby.

Sorry for the long story, but it feels good to talk about it. Thankfully I am surrounded by great friends and my family seem to be stronger. My brother had already made peace with this way before she actually left us, as did my dad. My mom though...She was still crying this morning when I called her to tell her I loved her. And I feel guilty because I know I caused that pain somehow. Even though I did everything I could to make her healthy again. At best we bought her a few months like my dad said and he told me I shouldn't feel shame at all. But I just can't shake it.

Thanks a lot for this.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Nina, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please permit me to try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal when you share with us "I can't stop crying, I though I was fine so far. I just got in a total breakdown. All I feel is sadness and anger. All I want to do is have her in my arm and hug her."

When we are grieving a loss, particularly during the deep grief, we have no control over our emotions. I remember so well being thankful for the privacy of the restroom at work where I could retreat to regain some composure so that I could go back to my desk to resume my work. And as soon as I got in the car for the drive home the dam of uncontrollable gut-wrenching sobbing bursting forth that had been held in while at work. This grief journey is both physical and emotional. Scientific studies prove that every time our companions touch / rub us, lick / kiss us they are literally chemically imprinting themselves on to us so that they can identify us from all the other humans on the planet. When they precede us to the angels, we literally experience a chemical withdrawal from this imprint - - which is one of the many reasons why it is literally painful to not be able to hold them in our arms, to feel their sweet physical body close to us. Some of our forum friends, including me, find it helpful to hold something that belongs only to the beloved companion - - a blanket, toy, collar, - - whatever - - particularly when the pain of not being able to hold them is more than what our hearts can bear. I have slept with my beloved companion's collar and one of their blankets / toys. No, it isn't the same as holding them - - but it does help to bridge the physical pain of not being able to hold them.

Scientific studies also prove that the tears we cry are literally healing tears for they literally cleanse our bodies from the toxins that build up from the stress of grieving. So it is very healthy for you to cry, Nina, as often as you need to through the deep grief - - even if you must find a place apart from other people to do so.

This grief journey can be very overwhelming, Nina. It doesn't matter if it's our first experience or our thousandth - - each grief journey is uniquely painful because each relationship we have with each of our companions is uniquely individual. It is very healthy for you to reach out to family and friends who can offer you the support, comfort, and encouragement you need as you travel your grief adjustment journey. And please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Nina, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Yue's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam