Acute Renal Failure, Bobby the kitten Options

[Elleode]

This time last week I had to put my beautiful little boy down, he was 3 days from his 1st birthday. I came home from work and he hadn't greeted me as usual so when I went to bed I had a check round to see if we could find him. I found him under my son's desk and he just wasn't himself as he didn't get up to see me. He was such an affectionate boy. I picked him up and we checked him over to see if he had been in a fight or if we could see what was wrong. There was a tiny cut on his tummy but we weren't sure if it was where his little willy was. I decided to put him in bed with me and to keep an eye on him overnight and to take him in the morning to the vet. First thing in the morning I spoke to the emergency line and the nurse said she thought it sounded like a UTI. I didn't know cats could get them. I took him in and he was immediately admitted. I was sure they would be able to make him better, I myself have been through cancer and sepsis so I have great faith in doctors. That night the vet phoned and said that they had removed a blockage and that he was looking a little better. The next morning they said his levels were really bad and that he might not recover. I was so shocked and distraught it didn't seem possible. I prayed and prayed and we went and visited him in hospital with my younger son. He was so pleased to see us but was very poorly. The vet said they would try another 24 hours and then we would have to consider putting him to sleep. The next day I didn't hear for ages and I thought I was going to lose my mind however the vet phoned and said we should think about letting him go as his levels were again really bad. I went with my other son and we cuddled and kissed him and cried all over him. he was again so pleased to see us and after he licked my son and head butted me he eventually settled down and purred and went to sleep. The vet then came and euthanised him. It was peaceful but utterly devastating I thought we would have years ahead with him. I feel like such a failure that I didn't take him straight to the vet hospital, I absolutely hate myself for being such a bad parent. I cannot get over how I have let him down. I knew he was poorly but didn't realise how bad. I am also extremely upset that I missed the signs. He had been weeing round the house so I thought he was stressed so I bought some plug in smells to make him calmer. Poor little chap was trying to tell me and I didn't get it. The grief is terrible but the guilt is something I have never experienced before. How can I come to terms with the decisions I made that night. It was a case of shall I take him now or in the morning and i made the wrong decision. I also fed him on good quality dry food which I see now from looking everything up that might have been the cause too. I feel like I have killed my beautiful cat who trusted me.

[LittleGirl's...]

Elleode,

I just read your story and want you to know that I am so very sorry for the physical loss of your precious kitty Bobby!

There is nothing like this kind of pain, and I (and others here) can really relate to the feelings of guilt. Guilt is almost always a part of grief, because we are human and in hindsight, there are always things we could have done differently. I have read that on this site many times over the years---and I have personally experienced it many times. I think my worst was with my cat Mariah, who was only 3 when I lost her to pancreatitis in 1998. The guilt was intense and remained for 15 years! I kicked myself for missing the seriousness of the signs. I would have given anything to be able to turn back the clock. I never could have imagined that I wouldn't have her for many more years (I had even taken that for granted. Just never in my wildest nightmares imagined I could lose her so young.)

I so very much agree with moon_beam's words: "Please let me try to reassure you that you did NOTHING WRONG in waiting until the next day to take your beloved Bobby into the vet. I have had companions with end stage renal failure, - - giving your beloved Bobby the opportunity to spend one more night of his earthly journey in his home embraced in your loving arms is the greatest gift you could give him under the circumstances.

Some of us here have wondered whether it might have been our pets' time to pass on. Maybe when we have thought that they were trying to tell us to take them to the vet, they were actually preparing for their time to pass on. Either way, they are in pure bliss now (no loneliness, no suffering) and we will be fully reunited with them when it is our time to pass on. And in the meantime they are still with us! They are free and at the same time they are with us. They do not want us feeling guilt and pain. I believe that purring at the vet's was your sweet Bobby's way of thanking you for being such a loving Mom. Other pets show that in other various ways. Most animals never get that lucky, to even experience love. They are used for all sorts of things but aren't valued and loved.

In 2012 I lost my kitty Dolly to acute renal failure. When I read the title of your post I felt a stab in my heart. The first vet I called said she should be fine (even though I described the symptoms). I brought her to another vet (who I've seen before and has seemed very good) who at first thought nothing was really wrong. I asked for blood tests... The vet returned to the exam room a few minutes later almost crying and out of breath.... "Dolly has Stage 4 renal failure." Even this vet hadn't caught it !! Thought it might be "stress" over something.

You are NOT a bad parent !!! NOT AT ALL ! I firmly believe that God chose you to be Bobby's Mom because there was no one better suited for that role. I hope you can believe me. I feel it's true.

Do you have supportive family / friends ? Do you have other pets? You always have us and we will help you through this pain that is so excruciating that there are no words for it.

Please keep in close touch!!

Sending you hugs and prayers of comfort,

Kathy
P.S. If the roles were reversed and it had been you who had passed on, you would not want Bobby experiencing any guilt. You would want only that he have as much comfort as possible while still in his earthly body.