Pj - Please Read Options

[hewasmybestfrien...]

In April, I adopted my parents' cat PJ, and brought her to live with me. I grew up with her, we adopted her when I was in high school. She is a beautiful fat brown and white rag doll who has never hurt anyone or anything in her life. She likes to communicate in either chirps or very breathy silent meows, and loves to snuggle and spoon with me and will flop down and then wriggle until she is perfectly comfortable. I have such a long history with her. She is 11 years old. When I first brought her to live with me I had an exam and bloodwork done, nothing too abnormal.

On Monday, she started vomiting bile, and stopped eating. I took her to work with me (I work at a vet) Tuesday for anti nausea meds. On Wednesday we did fluids and bloodwork.....calcium and kidney values way elevated. She had become increasingly lethargic. Last night her breathing started to grow harsher and she started hanging her head over her water dish. I took her to emergency and was there til 1 am. They kept her overnight and she is still there right now.

Either she has cancer (kidney lymphoma), kidney failure or both. She did not respond well to IV fluids. When I left last this afternoon, she was on oxygen and barely responsive, though she did respond to my pets and seemed to recognize me. The doctor said that she is way sicker than normally presents for kidney disease or even lymphoma.

The doctor told me that he can do a biopsy of her kidneys, but with her breathing and fluid in her chest cavity, she may not survive the sedation. I am currently waiting for the phone call to find out if she made it or not. I am numb and panicked all at once. We may not even get the biopsy results until tomorrow.

You all may remember me as Smedley's owner, he passed away January 1. I cannot deal with this again. I can't go through this again. I can't believe this.

If she survives, she will have to suffer with kidney failure or chemo or whatever else is going on. I have to choose whether her quality of life would be worth it for a few more months.

I feel so guilty for feeling like I wasn't ready to bring her up here to live with me and didn't want her to come at first, due to struggling so much with Smedley's death, but of course that changed when she got here. She is so sweet and loving and to see her as a shell of herself hurts so badly. She doesn't deserve this, any of this suffering.

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[hewasmybestfrien...]

Thank you

The little things are making me sad today. I heard some paper rustle (the fan caused it) and thought it was PJ. A little orange striped spider was trying to get into the house and I brushed it off...then later thinking about how it looked like Smedley, and feeling bad (yes even for a spider, ha). No longer having to worry about "cat proofing" the house. I still can't manage to throw out her litter box. And on a larger scale, just feeling like PJ's death was cruel. I don't understand why she had to suffer like that. I wish her last days alive could have been happier.

[LittleGirl's...]

Dear, dear Smedley and PJ's Mommy,

I feel for you regarding the cruel aspect. I wish I had some words of comfort. I have agonized about that same thing many times and I just don't understand it.

But PJ is in bliss now, with Smedley (and still with you), and I feel that it is very likely that in their spiritual form, they don't have the capacity to recall anything bad.

I will continue to send you prayers of peace and healing.

Please keep checking in and sharing how you are doing!

Kathy
P.S. Do you think there is a chance you might eventually rescue some other needy animal? I'm thinking that perhaps Smedley and PJ might lead you to someone who would be very very lucky to have you as their Mom. Don't feel you need to answer the question. Just putting that thought out there.