Pj - Please Read Options

[hewasmybestfrien...]

In April, I adopted my parents' cat PJ, and brought her to live with me. I grew up with her, we adopted her when I was in high school. She is a beautiful fat brown and white rag doll who has never hurt anyone or anything in her life. She likes to communicate in either chirps or very breathy silent meows, and loves to snuggle and spoon with me and will flop down and then wriggle until she is perfectly comfortable. I have such a long history with her. She is 11 years old. When I first brought her to live with me I had an exam and bloodwork done, nothing too abnormal.

On Monday, she started vomiting bile, and stopped eating. I took her to work with me (I work at a vet) Tuesday for anti nausea meds. On Wednesday we did fluids and bloodwork.....calcium and kidney values way elevated. She had become increasingly lethargic. Last night her breathing started to grow harsher and she started hanging her head over her water dish. I took her to emergency and was there til 1 am. They kept her overnight and she is still there right now.

Either she has cancer (kidney lymphoma), kidney failure or both. She did not respond well to IV fluids. When I left last this afternoon, she was on oxygen and barely responsive, though she did respond to my pets and seemed to recognize me. The doctor said that she is way sicker than normally presents for kidney disease or even lymphoma.

The doctor told me that he can do a biopsy of her kidneys, but with her breathing and fluid in her chest cavity, she may not survive the sedation. I am currently waiting for the phone call to find out if she made it or not. I am numb and panicked all at once. We may not even get the biopsy results until tomorrow.

You all may remember me as Smedley's owner, he passed away January 1. I cannot deal with this again. I can't go through this again. I can't believe this.

If she survives, she will have to suffer with kidney failure or chemo or whatever else is going on. I have to choose whether her quality of life would be worth it for a few more months.

I feel so guilty for feeling like I wasn't ready to bring her up here to live with me and didn't want her to come at first, due to struggling so much with Smedley's death, but of course that changed when she got here. She is so sweet and loving and to see her as a shell of herself hurts so badly. She doesn't deserve this, any of this suffering.

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[moon_beam]

Hi, Heartbroken, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved PJ. From first hand experience of losing two beloved companions within 4 months of each other I can so relate to the gut-wrenching sorrow you are going through. Losing two beloved companions in a short period of time intensifies the grief and can prolong the grief adjustment journey.

As our forum friend Kathy has already so comfortingly tried to reassure you, I hope as your deep grief eases you will have peace in your heart that your beloved PJ and Smedley are now restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels and sharing with all the other residents of heaven's perfect garden all the wonderful things you did for them during their earthly journeys. I also hope and pray you will find comfort in knowing that love is eternal - - and knowing this - - that your beloved Smedley's and PJ's sweet Living Spirits are always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know so well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. And please know we are here for you, with you, and beside you through every step of this journey for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you again for honoring us in sharing your beloved PJ with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Heartbroken, and please let us know how you're doing,

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam