Pregnant & Grieving My Pug's Passing Options

[erinpuglover]

My sweet Winnie girl lost her battle with Cancer on Saturday night at 9:30pm. Her decline was quick, it only took a week and she stopped eating and was frighteningly thin. She was only 7 1/2 years old. I am so grateful she waited for us to come home. As soon as I saw her I looked at my husband and I knew it was time. I scooped her up in my arms, sat on the floor of our bedroom and waited with her. We told her how much we loved her and that she didn't have to hold on anymore for us. We prayed that God would take her when it was time, because neither of us were sure we would have had the strength to make the decision to put her down. About 10 minutes after we prayed over her (something I have not done in years), I cupped her face and looked into her eyes one last time and that is when she left us. We held on to her as she made her transition to the other side.

It's Tuesday (so I'm told) and the pain is still so deep. I keep thinking I see her little body wiggling under our covers, and I have to stop myself every time I walk into the house and I want to call out 'Winnie Girl!". I can't bear to move her little bed from the living room, or put her basket of toys away. I have found myself talking out loud to her when I'm alone in my home. I'm sadder than I knew I could be. I wish there was a way for her, for me, to know that we did everything we could and that we didn't miss something that could have saved her. We had been at the vet 3 or 4 times that week, tried all different medications, herbs and IV treatments. My biggest wish is that she feels like we did everything we could to take care of her and save her.

I'm also 8 month pregnant and feeling guilt about the sadness I'm experiencing and the effects on my baby. We had so many pictures of what our life would look like with Winnie and our new baby girl. We talked all the time about how lucky we were to have such an amazing big sister to our baby already. Winnie adored children and we were so looking forward to Winnie being able to meet her.

The part I've been afraid to say out loud is that inside of all my grief around my pug girl Winnie, I've found it difficult to be excited about the baby the last few days. I'm so sad about Winnie, that I don't know how to move through it so I can remember the blessing I have that's arriving so soon.

[Sophiesmommy276]

My sweet Winnie girl lost her battle with Cancer on Saturday night at 9:30pm. Her decline was quick, it only took a week and she stopped eating and was frighteningly thin. She was only 7 1/2 years old. I am so grateful she waited for us to come home. As soon as I saw her I looked at my husband and I knew it was time. I scooped her up in my arms, sat on the floor of our bedroom and waited with her. We told her how much we loved her and that she didn't have to hold on anymore for us. We prayed that God would take her when it was time, because neither of us were sure we would have had the strength to make the decision to put her down. About 10 minutes after we prayed over her (something I have not done in years), I cupped her face and looked into her eyes one last time and that is when she left us. We held on to her as she made her transition to the other side.

It's Tuesday (so I'm told) and the pain is still so deep. I keep thinking I see her little body wiggling under our covers, and I have to stop myself every time I walk into the house and I want to call out 'Winnie Girl!". I can't bear to move her little bed from the living room, or put her basket of toys away. I have found myself talking out loud to her when I'm alone in my home. I'm sadder than I knew I could be. I wish there was a way for her, for me, to know that we did everything we could and that we didn't miss something that could have saved her. We had been at the vet 3 or 4 times that week, tried all different medications, herbs and IV treatments. My biggest wish is that she feels like we did everything we could to take care of her and save her.

I'm also 8 month pregnant and feeling guilt about the sadness I'm experiencing and the effects on my baby. We had so many pictures of what our life would look like with Winnie and our new baby girl. We talked all the time about how lucky we were to have such an amazing big sister to our baby already. Winnie adored children and we were so looking forward to Winnie being able to meet her.

The part I've been afraid to say out loud is that inside of all my grief around my pug girl Winnie, I've found it difficult to be excited about the baby the last few days. I'm so sad about Winnie, that I don't know how to move through it so I can remember the blessing I have that's arriving so soon.

Hi Erin, I lost Sophie a Boston terrier I had for seven years due to a mass cell tumor just a fancy word for cancer. She was my baby and everything else. I've had three miscarriages one in 2007 one last August and another one this February. Sophie was right there through the thick and thin and I feel like I let her down when I didn't go to the vets office to put her to rest. I was so sick from my nerves that it felt like I had the flu. I just can't wait to be in heaven with her. All I do is look at her stuff and cry. I don't think I will be happy again. My vet said that boxers, pugs, Bulldogs and Boston Terriers are more prone to cancer than any other breed. take it one minute by minute. Sandy

[erinpuglover]

Hi Erin, I lost Sophie a Boston terrier I had for seven years due to a mass cell tumor just a fancy word for cancer. She was my baby and everything else. I've had three miscarriages one in 2007 one last August and another one this February. Sophie was right there through the thick and thin and I feel like I let her down when I didn't go to the vets office to put her to rest. I was so sick from my nerves that it felt like I had the flu. I just can't wait to be in heaven with her. All I do is look at her stuff and cry. I don't think I will be happy again. My vet said that boxers, pugs, Bulldogs and Boston Terriers are more prone to cancer than any other breed. take it one minute by minute. Sandy

Sandy,
My Winnie had those mast cell tumors too. She was plagued with them all over. It started with just one, and then they began to pop up all over. We tried so many different treatments, we even looked at alternative medicine (herbs and topical treatments). The cancer from the mast cell tumors spread to her lymph nodes I'm told, and we suspect her stomach too. Winnie was also 7 years old. I'm taken with our commonalities. I also felt guilt and regret, like maybe there was something more I could have done, something I missed, a way I could have saved her.
I was thinking of winnie tonight a lot. Similarly, about how she just stood by me during some of my darkest moments. When I had to leave a bad relationship, I had to drive across the country with whatever I could fit in my car, and with Winnie as my sidekick. Sometimes I think, she was an angel that was given to me to guide me and support me through some of the more tumultuous times in my life. And that once she knew that my life was started to stabilize and flourish, she passed on. It doesn't change how deeply it hurts to not have her here with me anymore. I ache for her. I look at my blessings and I am so grateful for all of them! But I still feel so cheated that I lost Winnie. I still get annoyed when I see people post photos of their little dogs (esp pugs, french bull dogs, bostons) because I look at them and think ' thats supposed to be me. its not fair. what are you allowed this and I am not? ' I love pugs but I'm terrified to ever get one again because I don't know if I could put myself through the grieving I have gone through with Win. I think of her literally every single day and it's almost been an entire year.
I'm deeply sorry for all your losses. Losing Sophie and your miscarriages. The loss must feel so heavy. I too think about when I will get to see her again. It's remarkable all that you've been through and very understandable that you feel the way you do. I have found a lot of comfort here, checking in and writing when I need the release and the support. I hope you feel the same.