My Abby Girl Passed Away Options

[Barronk]

5 years ago I was blessed to meet, my now wife, Leslie who, when I met her, had two Boston Terriers. Baxter and Abby. Abby was already 14 when I was first introduced to her. Having lost my other dog several years earlier I was nervous about getting to know anymore. To make an extremely long story short, Abby soon won my heart. She hated me at first but we learned to love each other.

She loved attention, to give kisses and generally just sniff around. She was abused before my wife received her so she never knew what a toy was and never played with anything. She was content just getting the love that we had to offer. These days only lasted 2 years. She slowly started to decline, as all of us do, in her old age. Soon the kisses stopped, she stopped greeting us at the door, but still she persisted in life and loved our attention. She beat cancer, tooth abscesses, and numerous eye problems. There was no amount of money that we wouldn't spend to keep her happy and healthy.

On Abby's 18th birthday she had become a shell of her former self. She still moved, happily ate, drank, peed, pooped, and did all that she used to do. She was healthy, but we were slowly watching our Abby slip away from us. We spent so many years fearing the day she would leave us that I feel we missed out on good moments. In August of last year we moved to Saint Louis and she came with us. She adapted well and thrived in her new environment.

This past Monday she had a seizure that came out of no where. We took her to the vet and the vet didn't seem to worry so much. Abby recovered, slowly, but not completely throughout the day. She was having trouble walking and she would fall over. Despite this, she ate, drank, pooped, peed, and did everything that Abby always did. Then a couple days later, she declined, what seemed by the minute. My wife and I said we would take her to the vet, and we would have to let her go on Thursday. The night before, we bought her a steak dinner and spent the rest of the night with her. She died that night, in my arms while we slept.

My wife had a baby last October. When Caleb came into the world I became Abby's caregiver. She slept with me, I fed her, comforted her, and did all that my wife could not do while she had the baby. Now that she is gone, I feel useless. She was so important to me, in ways I never gave her credit for while she was alive. We have two other dogs but they never could give me comfort like Abby could. She slept next to me, while I worked she sat next to me on the couch, while I watched TV she sat next to me as well. When I sit down now, I still leave room for her, when I go to bed I feel empty because I no longer have my Abby to take to bed with me. I still reach out at night to see if she is ok and when I realize she isn't there all I can do is cry.

My life feels empty. I can't eat, I can hardly sleep, and I no longer enjoy life without my Abby there waiting for me when I get home. I especially worry about my wife. With the baby she has no time to grieve. Even with the two other dogs the house feels so empty without her. The pit she has left is so huge I can't see it ever shrinking. I can't see living life without her. I am still early in my grief walk. I want to be there for my wife, it was her dog, but I find it difficult to manage my own feelings. I took care of her for so long I feel that I have no purpose anymore. That dog was my life and when she left, my life went with her.

I know the forum rules say no religious talk but its applicable to my life. I apologize if I offend anyone. I am religious and am currently studying to be a Pastor. This is one topic where religion cannot comfort me. I have no where to turn. Expect to you on this forum. I appreciate this site for letting me tell my story. If love could have kept her alive she never would have died.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Barronk, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Getting the remains back of our beloved companions can be a two sided coin: on the one side it can be comforting having them back home with us where they belong, yet the other side of the coin it is yet another "reality check" they are no longer with us in the physical form our hearts and arms long for them to be. Many people on this forum, including myself, find it helpful to find a way to honor our companions which helps to bring comfort during the grief adjustment journey. I hope you and your wife will find comfort in your memorial of your beloved Abby.

I hope today is treating you and your family kindly, Barronk, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam