Severus Died. Options

[Kitty Mom]

I haven't had to deal with this kind of pain since I lost my cat Petunia back in 2011. Unfortunately it happened again
I lost my black cat Severus on the 17th and I am devastated. I have no one who I can talk to and I'm finding it both difficult and comforting that everything else remains the same.
He had previously been diagnosed with a grade 2 heart murmur and my once 18 pound cat shrunk to 9 to 10 pounds.
Despite that he was always up to eat greet me or socialize with my other 2 cats Daisy and Patchabie.
I came home Feb 6 to find him open mouth breathing I didn't get him into the vets till the 10 where they did X-rays. I believed it would cost 600 dollars like it did at my other vets the first time his heart was checked. They only charged 160 I feel guilty that I didn't ask the price and get his heat looked at sooner. They couldn't see his heart because his lungs were fluid filled so they drained them on the 11 and placed him on Lasix. He was still having difficulty breathing so I brought him back to the vet on the 17 to have his lungs drained again . I waited in the waiting room as the secretary told me they had drained only one lung they were attempting to do the second but he was not happy. Turns out he ended up passing away during the procedure. I found out at the vets that he had dropped to 6 pounds when he was weighed on the 17 he was 7 apparently when they weighed him on the 10 or 11. They never told me he had lost the weight I knew he was light but I thought he was still 9 to 10 pounds . They also told me and showed me that the fluid in his lungs was tainted in blood.
I feel so guilty for not having his heart checked as I believe his murmur progressed into heart disease and killed him. I just thought it would cost 600 and Since I moved states I didn't have any savings left I couldn't afford that even for myself.
I also hadn't been giving him his atenolol though he did get part of a baby aspirin every 3 to 4 days to prevent clots. I thought he was doing ok without his atenolol but I should never have stopped giving it to him daily.
The night of the 16 he curled up next to me in bed and I was so positive he would beat this and live but I should have spared him the pain and put him down. He was just still active and talking to me so I was scared to make that choice if he could be saved.
I'm just missing him so much and feeling guilty and nobody around me cares that I hurt.

[SoSad]

Dear Kitty Mom, I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved Severus. I too have felt so guilty about my beloved little dog, Lilly, who left us on 12 March. She was diagnosed with liver damage and died just six days later. I have or should I say am wrestling with guilt and beating myself up because I hadn't realised how ill she was, but I have read on here that guilt is normal and part of the process of our grief. I am clinging to the knowledge that Lilly, just like your beautiful Severus would not want us to feel guilty as they knew how much we loved and cared for them. I always take comfort in moon-beam's words that love is eternal and our beloved babies will always be with us. Sending you a hug and blessings to your beloved Severus.