Severus Died. Options

[Kitty Mom]

I haven't had to deal with this kind of pain since I lost my cat Petunia back in 2011. Unfortunately it happened again
I lost my black cat Severus on the 17th and I am devastated. I have no one who I can talk to and I'm finding it both difficult and comforting that everything else remains the same.
He had previously been diagnosed with a grade 2 heart murmur and my once 18 pound cat shrunk to 9 to 10 pounds.
Despite that he was always up to eat greet me or socialize with my other 2 cats Daisy and Patchabie.
I came home Feb 6 to find him open mouth breathing I didn't get him into the vets till the 10 where they did X-rays. I believed it would cost 600 dollars like it did at my other vets the first time his heart was checked. They only charged 160 I feel guilty that I didn't ask the price and get his heat looked at sooner. They couldn't see his heart because his lungs were fluid filled so they drained them on the 11 and placed him on Lasix. He was still having difficulty breathing so I brought him back to the vet on the 17 to have his lungs drained again . I waited in the waiting room as the secretary told me they had drained only one lung they were attempting to do the second but he was not happy. Turns out he ended up passing away during the procedure. I found out at the vets that he had dropped to 6 pounds when he was weighed on the 17 he was 7 apparently when they weighed him on the 10 or 11. They never told me he had lost the weight I knew he was light but I thought he was still 9 to 10 pounds . They also told me and showed me that the fluid in his lungs was tainted in blood.
I feel so guilty for not having his heart checked as I believe his murmur progressed into heart disease and killed him. I just thought it would cost 600 and Since I moved states I didn't have any savings left I couldn't afford that even for myself.
I also hadn't been giving him his atenolol though he did get part of a baby aspirin every 3 to 4 days to prevent clots. I thought he was doing ok without his atenolol but I should never have stopped giving it to him daily.
The night of the 16 he curled up next to me in bed and I was so positive he would beat this and live but I should have spared him the pain and put him down. He was just still active and talking to me so I was scared to make that choice if he could be saved.
I'm just missing him so much and feeling guilty and nobody around me cares that I hurt.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kitty Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to offer you some comfort in reassuring you that you did everything in your power to give your beloved Severus a happy, healthy earthly journey. In giving our companions medications - - whatever the medications are - - there are side-effects for them as there are side-effects when we take medications as well. We have to balance the "benefits" of the medications versus the side-effects and make as best a decision we can as to what is in the "best interest" for our companion's health. You ALWAYS did this, Kitty Mom - - and your beloved Severus KNOWS this.

Many years ago my canine companion Samson who is now with the angels developed the canine form of Crohn's Disease and required a daily dose of Prednisone to combat the effects of the chronic symptoms. His vet and I periodically tried to wean him from the Prednisone because of the long-term side-effects but were unsuccessful because as soon as the medication was stopped his symptoms returned. So there was no choice but to keep him on the Prednisone and deal with the side-effects as they presented themselves. Eventually the side-effects became too much for my beloved Samson to deal with, and when his kidneys failed I made the decision to have his veterinary care provider ease his journey home to the angels.

Kitty Mom, there are many emotions we all experience during this grief journey, and one of them is guilt / remorse which comes from looking back and trying to reconcile all the "whys" "what ifs" and "if onlys" that haunt and torture our hearts and minds during a time when we are so emotionally vulnerable. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about in giving your beloved Severus the aspirin he needed for his heart mumur and to prevent blood clots. Both his primary veterinary care provider AND the emergency vet instructed you to give him the aspirin, - - you did what you were advised to do by TWO qualified veterinarians. Had you NOT given your beloved Severus the aspirin and something had happened you would be wondering if he would still be okay if you HAD given him the aspirin. This is what guilt / remorse does - - it plays havoc with our ability to stay focused on what we did RIGHT - - and there is NO DOUBT in what you share with us that you did the RIGHT thing in giving your beloved Severus the aspirin he needed. I hope in time you will come to find a peace in your heart that you did EVERYTHING RIGHT for your beloved Severus.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Patchabie and Daisy kindly, Kitty Mom, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Severus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious companions are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam