Senseless, Sudden, Tragic Loss Of Our Dog, Teal Options

[Carlab]

I don't tend to post on public forums (or any forum, really) much, but I need to get this story off my chest and this seemed like a good place...

We lost our treasured border collie/blue heeler mix dog, Teal, yesterday. She just turned 6 years old earlier this month. Her death was extremely sudden, in all likely hood she was hit by a car, but no one saw it happen. She had only a small abrasion over her eye and a small abrasion on her paw the same side of her body to indicate a trauma.

My husband found her sitting upright, looking composed, sitting with her paws crossed in the side yard of the house he is living in and renovating for resale. We are living apart right now due to circumstances beyond our control. He is in Texas, working on a home renovation that has been going on for the last 1.5 years, and took our Teal with him 10 days ago for company, so he did not get too lonely. I am in New Mexico with our two other dogs and five cats. I had to experience her passing from a distance, over the phone. Due to the distance and number of pets we have and the renovation work at the house, I cannot join him to grieve her passing.

She was a great dog, beautiful, intelligent, loving, extremely happy, very bonded to both of us and her pack. We raised her from 8 weeks of age, along with her brother Oscar. Two years ago we added another needy dog to the pack, Gin. Gin was a rescue and Teal was her everything. She has no way of knowing what happened to Teal except now she'll never see her again.

At the time my husband found Teal she seemed momentarily ok, except she did not come to his call. He went to her, and noticed the two abrasions and that while she was looking around she was not behaving ok. He called me to tell me she had been injured and that I should call a local vet so he could take her in. Within a minute or two of having found her, he said she "let go" and laid down and began a labored breathing. He drove the car around to where she lay on the lawn and loaded her into it. By the time he arrived at the vet's office - 4 minutes away - he carried her in but her body was limp and he knew she was gone.

She had been out that morning, running in the yard. The yard is not fenced but there are two acres and beyond that additional greenbelt area and she stayed close to my husband and the house. Unfortunately, he had decided to run an errand that morning and when he looked for her in the yard, she was not present. He proceeded with his errand, confident she would be waiting for him when he returned. When he did not see her when he returned 45 minutes later, he went looking for her up the street (a cul-de-sac), but did not see her. As he had not had breakfast, he went inside and started some potatoes, then decided to look for her again. This is when he found her sitting in her usual pose, looking ok from a distance but not coming.

The crazy cruel joke is that she looked just herself when he found her, but in the next few moments laid down and died. We wonder if it was possible that she was hanging on waiting for him, so she could be with him when she passed. It seems incredible that she would have the ability to stay conscience and alive just until her found her, but we have no idea at what point in the previous 1-2 hours she may have been injured. Part of me feels like it must have just happened, but we have no way of knowing. No way of knowing if perhaps he had found her earlier, they might have been able to save her, or if it would not have made a difference.

The loss of our beloved dog at far too young of age is compounded by the tragedy of how it happened, and not being able to be together to grieve together. We are both broken hearted and just trying to carry on with the practical realities of life and the completion of the home renovation. It needs to be ready for the selling season, less than a month away now.

While I don't blame him for not spending the extra time looking for her before he left to run his errand, but I know that if I had been there I would never have left the house without securing her. Animal care has often been a point of contention in our relationship, as I spend a lot of time making sure every cat and dog is where s/he be before leaving the house, even if it means he goes and I stay until I locate the pet and know they are safe/secured. At times it feels like I spend 1/3 of my waking hours taking care of animals and I just see this as my responsibility to being their caregiver. He has, at times, in the past, resented the time investment I have on behalf of the animals, even while I know he loves each and every one of them just as much as I do. Teal was his special dog, and he was her caregiver at the time her life ended, and I know he's feeling the guilt of that, even though it is true it could have happened at any time, under any conditions.

I'm devastated by her loss, and though insulated by the distance I am so sorry I didn't have the chance to say goodbye or tell her I loved her one last time. I only wish I could have been there to protect her from herself and her wild ways. She had a great life, everything she wanted was hers and she was extremely happy. I, as well as the rest of her pack, will always miss her.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Carlab, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please permit me to try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - and all the emotions that accompany it - - including anger about the circumstances of your beloved Teal's physical loss.

Unfortunately none of us is blessed with the gift of foreknowledge, nor can we change the circumstances of the past. Yet realizing this is not enough to lay aside our normal emotions of grief, guilt, and anger while we struggle with the deep sorrow of loss. Clinical professionals recognize that a very essential part of grieving is having a safe way to express our feelings without fear of recrimination. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing these wonderful pictures of your beloved Teal with us. It is so obvious from the expression on her face that she knows she is loved.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Carlab, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Teal's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam