Severus Died. Options

[Kitty Mom]

I haven't had to deal with this kind of pain since I lost my cat Petunia back in 2011. Unfortunately it happened again
I lost my black cat Severus on the 17th and I am devastated. I have no one who I can talk to and I'm finding it both difficult and comforting that everything else remains the same.
He had previously been diagnosed with a grade 2 heart murmur and my once 18 pound cat shrunk to 9 to 10 pounds.
Despite that he was always up to eat greet me or socialize with my other 2 cats Daisy and Patchabie.
I came home Feb 6 to find him open mouth breathing I didn't get him into the vets till the 10 where they did X-rays. I believed it would cost 600 dollars like it did at my other vets the first time his heart was checked. They only charged 160 I feel guilty that I didn't ask the price and get his heat looked at sooner. They couldn't see his heart because his lungs were fluid filled so they drained them on the 11 and placed him on Lasix. He was still having difficulty breathing so I brought him back to the vet on the 17 to have his lungs drained again . I waited in the waiting room as the secretary told me they had drained only one lung they were attempting to do the second but he was not happy. Turns out he ended up passing away during the procedure. I found out at the vets that he had dropped to 6 pounds when he was weighed on the 17 he was 7 apparently when they weighed him on the 10 or 11. They never told me he had lost the weight I knew he was light but I thought he was still 9 to 10 pounds . They also told me and showed me that the fluid in his lungs was tainted in blood.
I feel so guilty for not having his heart checked as I believe his murmur progressed into heart disease and killed him. I just thought it would cost 600 and Since I moved states I didn't have any savings left I couldn't afford that even for myself.
I also hadn't been giving him his atenolol though he did get part of a baby aspirin every 3 to 4 days to prevent clots. I thought he was doing ok without his atenolol but I should never have stopped giving it to him daily.
The night of the 16 he curled up next to me in bed and I was so positive he would beat this and live but I should have spared him the pain and put him down. He was just still active and talking to me so I was scared to make that choice if he could be saved.
I'm just missing him so much and feeling guilty and nobody around me cares that I hurt.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kitty Mom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Severus. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion suddenly intensifies the grief.

Kitty Mom, as you know this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions - - one of them being guilt / remorse - - that haunt and torture our hearts and minds as we try to reconcile all the whys, what ifs, and if onlys.

Kitty Mom, there is no doubt you did everything you could for your beloved Severus to give him a happy healthy earthly journey. I can so understand your financial situation - - funds can be stretched just so far. Your beloved Severus knows beyond all shadow of doubt that you love him and would move heaven and earth to give him a good quality of life. You did the best you could with the information and resources available to you at the time to give your beloved Severus every chance possible. I hope as you travel your grief journey you will find a peace in your heart that your beloved Severus is eternally grateful for everything you did for him during his earthly journey and that he is forever blessed to have you for his Forever Mom.

Although you are now enduring the painful process of adjusting your life without the blessing of your beloved Severus' sweet precious physical presence, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Severus share. Love is eternal, Kitty Mom - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Severus' sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will - - for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Severus with us, Kitty Mom. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Kitty Mom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam