Pregnant & Grieving My Pug's Passing Options

[erinpuglover]

My sweet Winnie girl lost her battle with Cancer on Saturday night at 9:30pm. Her decline was quick, it only took a week and she stopped eating and was frighteningly thin. She was only 7 1/2 years old. I am so grateful she waited for us to come home. As soon as I saw her I looked at my husband and I knew it was time. I scooped her up in my arms, sat on the floor of our bedroom and waited with her. We told her how much we loved her and that she didn't have to hold on anymore for us. We prayed that God would take her when it was time, because neither of us were sure we would have had the strength to make the decision to put her down. About 10 minutes after we prayed over her (something I have not done in years), I cupped her face and looked into her eyes one last time and that is when she left us. We held on to her as she made her transition to the other side.

It's Tuesday (so I'm told) and the pain is still so deep. I keep thinking I see her little body wiggling under our covers, and I have to stop myself every time I walk into the house and I want to call out 'Winnie Girl!". I can't bear to move her little bed from the living room, or put her basket of toys away. I have found myself talking out loud to her when I'm alone in my home. I'm sadder than I knew I could be. I wish there was a way for her, for me, to know that we did everything we could and that we didn't miss something that could have saved her. We had been at the vet 3 or 4 times that week, tried all different medications, herbs and IV treatments. My biggest wish is that she feels like we did everything we could to take care of her and save her.

I'm also 8 month pregnant and feeling guilt about the sadness I'm experiencing and the effects on my baby. We had so many pictures of what our life would look like with Winnie and our new baby girl. We talked all the time about how lucky we were to have such an amazing big sister to our baby already. Winnie adored children and we were so looking forward to Winnie being able to meet her.

The part I've been afraid to say out loud is that inside of all my grief around my pug girl Winnie, I've found it difficult to be excited about the baby the last few days. I'm so sad about Winnie, that I don't know how to move through it so I can remember the blessing I have that's arriving so soon.

[moon_beam]

Hi, erin, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and congratulations on your baby girl Jane. Your beloved Winnie's sweet Living Spirit is watching over her, and you - - your beloved Winnie is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

A puppy requires as much attention as a human child, so it is perfectly understandable how you're feeling when you share with us: "It's harder than I thought to welcome a new pup in. Winnie would have been my calm in the eye of the storm of new motherhood. Instead, I have a new puppy who's stirring our world up even more." Winnie is your beloved companion who already was familiar with the family routines, and would have adjusted well to the additiional care of her human baby sister. Cooper, however, is a new soul who is going through not only a HUGE adjustment to new routines and adult family members as his caregivers, but is also coping with the adjustment to the needs of a human baby sister who requires as much time of care. A puppy's needs is quite similar to a human infant and toddler, and requires as much attention to keep them out of trouble. So it's perfectly natural that you are feeling overwhelmed.

Love is not always "at first sight" - - sometimes love comes softly through enduring the daily routines and then recognizing one day that your life would be missing the physical presence of someone who has come to find a special place in your heart. I hope one day you will come to have this unique love bond with your precious Cooper.

I'm so sorry that you had to endure the insensitive comment about your beloved Winnie. Obviously the person who made this comment is totally clueless. Perhaps one day you will have the opportunity to share with this person how hurtful the comments were.

I hope today is treating you kindly, erin, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Winnie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam