Pregnant & Grieving My Pug's Passing Options

[erinpuglover]

My sweet Winnie girl lost her battle with Cancer on Saturday night at 9:30pm. Her decline was quick, it only took a week and she stopped eating and was frighteningly thin. She was only 7 1/2 years old. I am so grateful she waited for us to come home. As soon as I saw her I looked at my husband and I knew it was time. I scooped her up in my arms, sat on the floor of our bedroom and waited with her. We told her how much we loved her and that she didn't have to hold on anymore for us. We prayed that God would take her when it was time, because neither of us were sure we would have had the strength to make the decision to put her down. About 10 minutes after we prayed over her (something I have not done in years), I cupped her face and looked into her eyes one last time and that is when she left us. We held on to her as she made her transition to the other side.

It's Tuesday (so I'm told) and the pain is still so deep. I keep thinking I see her little body wiggling under our covers, and I have to stop myself every time I walk into the house and I want to call out 'Winnie Girl!". I can't bear to move her little bed from the living room, or put her basket of toys away. I have found myself talking out loud to her when I'm alone in my home. I'm sadder than I knew I could be. I wish there was a way for her, for me, to know that we did everything we could and that we didn't miss something that could have saved her. We had been at the vet 3 or 4 times that week, tried all different medications, herbs and IV treatments. My biggest wish is that she feels like we did everything we could to take care of her and save her.

I'm also 8 month pregnant and feeling guilt about the sadness I'm experiencing and the effects on my baby. We had so many pictures of what our life would look like with Winnie and our new baby girl. We talked all the time about how lucky we were to have such an amazing big sister to our baby already. Winnie adored children and we were so looking forward to Winnie being able to meet her.

The part I've been afraid to say out loud is that inside of all my grief around my pug girl Winnie, I've found it difficult to be excited about the baby the last few days. I'm so sad about Winnie, that I don't know how to move through it so I can remember the blessing I have that's arriving so soon.

[erinpuglover]

moonbeam & Scarletts Mom, thank you for your replies. My daughter was born September 13, which is why I didn't see or respond to your posts earlier a healthy little girl named Jane.

I guess I thought with a new baby I would be able to move on from the loss of Winnie, but it still lingers every day. It's been 6 months and we invited a new puppy into the home. I am full of guilt! I just want to have the same love for him as I did for my winnie, but it's not there yet. It's hard to remember that it's not going to be immediate and each dog is different.

We did not get another pug, I couldn't. Not yet. I was too afraid of all the expectations I would place on another pug. I still put them on our new boy (Cooper, an aussie-doodle), but it's different. It's harder than I thought to welcome a new pup in. All I can think is " I just want MY girl back. I just want my winnie. " I would trade anything for her back.

SHe would have loved our girl Jane. She would have been the perfect protector and lover. Winnie would have been my calm in the eye of the storm of new motherhood. Instead, I have a new puppy who's stirring our world up even more. I wish she was here, I wish she could meet Jane.

Someone the other day commented on 'how ugly pugs are, sorry but winnie was ugly..haha!' and I almost burst in tears. Some people just don't understand what it is to have a soul connection with a dog.

I don't know that I'll ever love another dog like I loved Winnie. I miss you winnie girl.