Sharing Advice From My Loss Counselor Options

[hegelsmom]

This morning, I went to see a man who counsels people after pet losses.
He was very kind, and understanding.

He was saying that a pet's death is often harder to deal with than any other family
members, because we have a different "contract" with our pet. They will give us
unconditional love, joy, happiness, in turn, we will give them food, water, love,
and protection. After all, they exchange a life in the "wild" to live with us.
When they get sick, or something bad happens to them, we feel responsible, as
though we broke our part of the bargain. It doesn't matter if it was a disease or
a tragic accident. It is a more intense feeling of responsibility than even what is
felt for a human child, because after all, the child can communicate with us more
directly. We fell as though we should be able to "know" our pet is ill. Nature doesn't tell our pet to tell us they are sick. They turn inward instead.

My problem now is guilt, on top of the loneliness and sadness. He was telling me,
(as many of you have) that I am taking on too much responsibility for things I
couldn't have controlled, and not giving myself enough credit for all the years of
care and love that I did give.

I will continue to try and struggle through this. I plan to go back, though it will
probably be with one of his associates. He also thinks the part about me being
an overwhelmed new mother is making this worse. I agree. I had been trying
to be "super mommy" and thought I had control of the baby, cat and dog. I can't
control everything, and one day my baby will become ill. (hopefully not seriously)
I won't be able to prevent falls, colds, cuts and scrapes.

I felt somewhat better after talking to him today. I liked that he was honest, and
told me upfront in the first five minutes, "Nothing I'm going to say to you today is
going to be able to take your pain away." He's right. Only time, hopefully, can
ease that.

i just miss my baby so much, as do all of you miss your babies.
Peace to all of us.

[DJ - Edgar, Jess...]

An additional factor when grieving a lost pet is this..

We spend out lives growing in and out of relationships. Friend grow up and move away, elderly relatives pass on, our children grow up and move out to build lives of our own. We get used to others going their own way and relying mostly on ourselves (and our spouses, in many cases) being the only constants in our daily routine.

Until we get a pet.

Those of us who get pets as "adults" or lose one at that time can often feel a more profound feeling of loss. We don't expect the pet to ever leave. They aren't supposed to grow up or move away or get married and move out. They are supposed to be with us always. We often forget about their short lifespan - I believe many of us (myself as an example) never truly realize how short their time with us will be - until it is over.

It is, within our minds and hearts, a bond that we build with the expectation that it will never be broken. That bond wraps around our hearts and when it breaks it breaks our heart along with it.

I am glad to see you are speaking with such a wonderful counsellor.