My Cat Percy Options

[Ritch]

I lost my wonderful marmalade cat Percy on October 23rd because I failed to recognize how sick he was. By the time I got him to the vet, he was in such pain that a little rough handling by a receptionist put him into shock that he died from within seconds. Now I am going through the same torment that everyone else here has experienced. The grief is overwhelming sometimes, and although it is not as horrible as it was for the first few weeks I am still breaking down every day. My wife is getting worn down by my misery -- she was not really attached to Percy, and I was strongly bonded with him. Is there anything that helps with this, aside from time? Therapy, drugs, pet loss discussion groups, taking a vacation? If time does help, how long does it take to start feeling better? I know everyone is different, but I am trying to find things that will help and a goal to work toward. Thank you for your thoughts.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Ritch, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and this wonderful picture of your beloved Percy. Please permit me to try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief when you share with us: "The pain is so debilitating that I am willing to try it, but it also makes it hard for me to get my act together and go." Clincial professionals recognize that this grief journey is both physically and emotionally debilitating with symptoms that can include insomnia, lack of energy, inability to concentrate, lack of control of emotions, lack of appetite, feelings of detachment, etc.. When we are grieving our bodies are experiencing extreme stress levels, and this is one of the reasons why it is important to keep the stress levels as low as possible and to not make any life changing decisions until the stress levels subside unless they are for protection / survival purposes.

Many grief support groups operate on a "cycle" of availability - - for example, some groups run for 6 months and then take a break for several weeks before the next support group is offered. Support groups can be helpful, and if you decide to travel to the one that is several miles from your home I hope you will find encouragement and support among the participants. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us - - there are no time limits or "expiration dates" here.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Ritch, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Percy's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Ritch]

I went to a support group last night, and I can't say it was a good experience. The person running the group was a professional with many years of experience who got everyone to tell their stories of grief and loss. As people described their sad losses, she made insightful comments about how much people were suffering, and how it could cause serious problems in their lives, but otherwise didn't offer much. Once that was done, she said it was time to wrap up, and handed out brochures for her services, saying that people attending the support group could get a discount. As we were leaving, she told me she had things she could say to me (that she didn't actually say), and that she was there if I needed someone to talk to (for a fee, obviously). It seemed like she was trying to drum up clients for her business. In that kind of setting, you don't even get the benefit of a trial session with a therapist, because it is so shallow.

I don't think any of the people there were really helped by the group, except for seeing that other people are suffering the same way. People made themselves vulnerable, and then were handed a brochure. I had not considered that a professional would use a group like this as a marketing effort, but that is what it ended up feeling like; I suppose I was naive. Based on this, I recommend AGAINST attending a support group unless you have some information about it beforehand to indicate that actual counseling is offered, or unless you are prepared to find that it is a marketing effort. I was badly disappointed.