The End To A Long Story Options

[Earl A.]

I wrote this site back in May 2005, after I lost my beloved Weimaraner 'Schatszie'. I lived alone then at 50, as I still do now, and still have a small business operation from my home. At ten years old Schatszie started having Liver issues, which then turned into kidney problems. Two days before I had the Vet put Schatszie to sleep, she had a major siezure.After rushing her to the Vet for treatment, she was revived but couldn't walk. It was a gut wrenching experience, but I got two more days with her, so that I could look her in the eyes to tell her I loved Her before she passed. After Schatszie passed, I swore I just couldn't get another friend, but after ~8 months, I woke up one day and decided to search for another Weim Puppy, which turned out to be dead ends every where I searched......no new or expected litters anywhere. Then, I got a lead, that a Very Reputable Weim Breeder here in Texas just had a litter and there were two pups remaing, unspoken for, and one was a female! I was so damn excited,......My pitiful loneliness would now be gone. After arriving at the breeder's home, I observed some of her other weims in her kennel. Something didn't seem right with their looks, as per what most standard Weims that I have had look like. We then proceeded to see my new puppy, 'Steffie'. We took her outside to let her run with another male adult dog, and I was sold......she had a feisty way about her,....not a quitter to the very end, as she kept trying to take the cloth toy from the other dog's mouth. 'Steffie' was a very healthy looking puppy. The first two years I had her, there were zero health issues. But when she was ~3 years old, she got a lower respiratory infection, contributed mostly by the exteme pine tree pollen in the air here in the spring. Well, the Vet got that corrected, but there would be another flareup of this respiratory problem later, got it fixed, then never had anymore issues of such. Then when she was ~3.5 years, she developed some small circular lesions on both eyes, and after tests were run, they found that her triglyceride levels were very high. The Vet or Tx A&M Vet Clinic could never pinpoint the cause of the high Triglycerides, and I had to start her on expensive prescription 'Low Digestive Fat' food, plus a precribed medication given daily the rest of her life. When Steffie was almost 6 years, one day I was going to give her some of my banana, but she looked the other way, as if her sight/hearing was malfunctioning. Prior to this, she showed no signs of any health issues. Being an emergency, I rushed her to Tx A&M Vet Clinic. After IV's and many, many tests, she regained her sight, etc., and then they gave me the bad news, that they found a UTI(I hadn't observed anything in her actions telling me of this), and that she was technically loosing protein in her urine. They then told me that it was Chronic Kidney Failure and it would shorten her life by months or years. My first thought upon hearing this.....This can't be! Steffie is my new life, my salvation! This simply can't be happening! That was the longest drive home that day I've ever made. I had to return to A&M for followup visits so that they could get the new dosages correct on her medications that she would have to take the rest of her life. I had the Vet put Steffie to sleep this November 17. Steffie survived this insidious disease for 3.5 years, having given her one medication three times per day, four other medications twice per day, then her vitamins. Steffie got so tired of taking pills, not to mention I had to administer them down her throat or mixing them in baby food fruit products with a 60ml syringe......twice/day for 3.5 years. In early October of this year, she started loosing weight, muscle. I knew the end was near, and all the rescue drugs were now not working.....she was entering the fourth stage of kidney failure. Yes, I had the Vet give IV's as well as I at home, as I witnessed seemingly daily the unbelievable weight loss. Her poor body was dwindling to nothing. At ~8 days prior to her passing, she developed a secondary infection in her upper respiratory, mainly in her throat, whereby there was green mucous emitting from her nostrils and somewhat at her eyes. The Vet put her on antibiotics, and at times, one would think that it kept the infection in check, but in the end it came back. In the last 48 hours of Steffie's life, I was in contact with my Vet, letting her lead the way as per when the time was right. Hours before the Vet came to my house, Steffie had lost the use of her legs, and I had to carry her outside to urinate, etc..

I'm writing this lengthy story for a reason. I want all those poor souls that have or are presently going through this, that 'I Understand'. I understand 1000%. No one else but your Vet will understand. You can't talk to anyone about it, unless they have BEEN THERE. I also wrote this lengthy story for those that live alone with such happening to them. Living alone and loosing your Best Friend is another world in itself.

A month later I find myself lost,.....Nothing has meaning or purpose anymore,....I'm not needed anymore. Yes, I'm fully aware that only time can heal such wounds, but this was a very deep wound this time, regardless of how many times I've previously gone through having your Best Friend put to sleep. But, then, I try to grasp ahold of the positives,.....Steffie lived another 3.5 years, my Father helped me through the financial strain of ~$8,000.00+ I spent in 7 years keeping Steffie Healthy/Alive,.......I was with Steffie 24/7,.....BUT, in the end, I realize how lucky I am to be able to bury her here on my property, and place a headstone on her grave.

In closing, Chronic Kidney Failure is absolutely an insidious disease that wears many hats. The desperate things you do towards the end, thinking you can buy time, etc., but knowing the clock is ticking so damn loud you become desperate, you'll do anything but sit there and let your Best Friend die. Looking back, I'm at peace knowing I was able to hold my Benevolent, Sweet Steffie, and look her in the eyes....."I Love You Steffie".

[SummerHolly]

Yep, the whole bad things happen in threes was blown out the water for me in 2014, things seemed to go from bad to worse with no end in sight

Yes I loved Holly more than anything else and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't shed a little tear for her and want her back. However I am by nature a fairly resilient person. You have to be out here, hammered year after year with droughts as the climate change takes hold. Although I got a taste of what depression might be like as I felt my heart and soul disappearing with Holly with no way to change what happened.

This site is wonderful for being able to share you thoughts because everyone is going through their own journey and there is only support.

Yes it is a personal journey that only you can make. I find it helpful to read other people's stories. I think I have read most of them on this site and the poems that people have written to express how they feel. I don't know why but it actually helps me. I have also started to think about all the positive things in my life with Holly and feel blessed I could give such a gentle loving soul a reason to completely trust me which she did.

Yes watching your parents age sucks big time. I dread the day I lose my mother. Alz is a terrible disease, I can think of nothing worse to watch a person go through this. At least here you can keep airing how you feel if you need to.

[Earl A.]

Yep, the whole bad things happen in threes was blown out the water for me in 2014, things seemed to go from bad to worse with no end in sight

Yes I loved Holly more than anything else and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't shed a little tear for her and want her back. However I am by nature a fairly resilient person. You have to be out here, hammered year after year with droughts as the climate change takes hold. Although I got a taste of what depression might be like as I felt my heart and soul disappearing with Holly with no way to change what happened.

This site is wonderful for being able to share you thoughts because everyone is going through their own journey and there is only support.

Yes it is a personal journey that only you can make. I find it helpful to read other people's stories. I think I have read most of them on this site and the poems that people have written to express how they feel. I don't know why but it actually helps me. I have also started to think about all the positive things in my life with Holly and feel blessed I could give such a gentle loving soul a reason to completely trust me which she did.

Yes watching your parents age sucks big time. I dread the day I lose my mother. Alz is a terrible disease, I can think of nothing worse to watch a person go through this. At least here you can keep airing how you feel if you need to.

I sure am happy for you that you are making some technical headway SummerHolly. I guess each individual keeps searching that massive ring of keys in hopes of finding at least one that unlocks some relief. Like you, I've tried to concentrate on the good times but it defaults back to 'She's Not Here'. Like you, my mornings are absolutely the worst. Steffie slept with me in my bed, her head next to mine with her own pillow. The past couple of days I've tried to concentrate on Steffie's 'Visit'/Dream, with her big smile and her tail wagging. It seems to help, but, then I go outside and every damn thing I see or do just drags me back to square one.

I don't know where you are located, but it sounds like with the droughts, farm activities, etc., etc., that this is helping you also. I'm sure everyday is a different and new day for you. This site was helpful to me back in 2005 and here I am back again. Its nice to know you among friends that have been there or are going through it. The prognosis isn't good when you can't talk about it.

I never told you about my horse 'Victor'. When my Sister and I were young, my Father bought a mare('Ginger')(became my Sister's horse) then bred her and then 'Victor'. I still have my/his saddle in my closet. His name was tooled into the top back edge of seat. I will tell you the story at a later time. What happened to Victor forever impacted me when loosing our pets.

I will chat later, but I'm again, glad you are doing better. Its nice to know when something works as such.

Whats so strange about this process we are going through, I personally have a guilt conscience whenever I prepare my meals. There is absolutely nothing exciting about 'eating' anymore. Then when I eat, its like I'm forcing the food down not enjoying each and every bite. Everything(work, projects around here) you have to force yourself to start it, let alone finish it.

Yes, make no mistake about it, Holy, Steffie, Schatszie and all of our beloved friends were literally attached to us. We lead them and they lead us.

Regards,

Earl

[SummerHolly]

I sure am happy for you that you are making some technical headway SummerHolly. I guess each individual keeps searching that massive ring of keys in hopes of finding at least one that unlocks some relief. Like you, I've tried to concentrate on the good times but it defaults back to 'She's Not Here'. Like you, my mornings are absolutely the worst. Steffie slept with me in my bed, her head next to mine with her own pillow. The past couple of days I've tried to concentrate on Steffie's 'Visit'/Dream, with her big smile and her tail wagging. It seems to help, but, then I go outside and every damn thing I see or do just drags me back to square one.

I don't know where you are located, but it sounds like with the droughts, farm activities, etc., etc., that this is helping you also. I'm sure everyday is a different and new day for you. This site was helpful to me back in 2005 and here I am back again. Its nice to know you among friends that have been there or are going through it. The prognosis isn't good when you can't talk about it.

I never told you about my horse 'Victor'. When my Sister and I were young, my Father bought a mare('Ginger')(became my Sister's horse) then bred her and then 'Victor'. I still have my/his saddle in my closet. His name was tooled into the top back edge of seat. I will tell you the story at a later time. What happened to Victor forever impacted me when loosing our pets.

I will chat later, but I'm again, glad you are doing better. Its nice to know when something works as such.

Whats so strange about this process we are going through, I personally have a guilt conscience whenever I prepare my meals. There is absolutely nothing exciting about 'eating' anymore. Then when I eat, its like I'm forcing the food down not enjoying each and every bite. Everything(work, projects around here) you have to force yourself to start it, let alone finish it.

Yes, make no mistake about it, Holy, Steffie, Schatszie and all of our beloved friends were literally attached to us. We lead them and they lead us.

Regards,

Earl

Yes for a long time Holly slept on one side of my bed. I had to cut the legs off when she had cruciate surgery so she wouldn't hurt herself getting on.

She always rode in the front seat of my car with me round the farm while the others were in the back. I must say I lost a lot of interest in doing things after she was gone but with sheep to feed and other dogs to take care of and outside part time work I had to keep going although my heart was very heavy. People at work were quite good as they know I live for my dogs and they coped with the odd tear or two in the early days.

Yes a lot of ones daily activities holds such strong imprints of our beloved dogs that it can set you right back. Everything I do holds echoes of my Holly as does Steffie for you. She was my best friend, I don't think anyone knew me better than my dog. They also accept you unconditionally for who you are and you are their world.

So many memories of them are so etched in out life, I often feel guilty about all sorts of things. I know for me things will get better but it is hard work. My other dogs give me comfort but also remind me of what I have lost. However I don't think I could exist out here without dogs in my life. I have resigned myself to dealing with each of their loss as part of the joy they give me from their being in my life. I know I will have to go through this at least 6 more times and some will hurt more than others but they will all be hard.

Sounds like you must have had a very traumatic experience with Victor. I know it doesn't help much but that dream you had of Steffie was a gift. Maybe a gift from her to help ease the pain. I think our dogs would like to see us happy. I do hope you are able to find a way forward to find some peace from all this. I am struggling but I know I will get there in the end. I hope the same for you.

[Earl A.]

Yes for a long time Holly slept on one side of my bed. I had to cut the legs off when she had cruciate surgery so she wouldn't hurt herself getting on.

She always rode in the front seat of my car with me round the farm while the others were in the back. I must say I lost a lot of interest in doing things after she was gone but with sheep to feed and other dogs to take care of and outside part time work I had to keep going although my heart was very heavy. People at work were quite good as they know I live for my dogs and they coped with the odd tear or two in the early days.

Yes a lot of ones daily activities holds such strong imprints of our beloved dogs that it can set you right back. Everything I do holds echoes of my Holly as does Steffie for you. She was my best friend, I don't think anyone knew me better than my dog. They also accept you unconditionally for who you are and you are their world.

So many memories of them are so etched in out life, I often feel guilty about all sorts of things. I know for me things will get better but it is hard work. My other dogs give me comfort but also remind me of what I have lost. However I don't think I could exist out here without dogs in my life. I have resigned myself to dealing with each of their loss as part of the joy they give me from their being in my life. I know I will have to go through this at least 6 more times and some will hurt more than others but they will all be hard.

Sounds like you must have had a very traumatic experience with Victor. I know it doesn't help much but that dream you had of Steffie was a gift. Maybe a gift from her to help ease the pain. I think our dogs would like to see us happy. I do hope you are able to find a way forward to find some peace from all this. I am struggling but I know I will get there in the end. I hope the same for you.

Moon_Beam brought up a subject that I guess I never thought about growing up, guess because I was somewhat 'programed'. No one grieved or didn't show signs years ago. As I told Moon_Beam, of all the family funerals and lost pets, no cried. To this day, my Parents have just now become somewhat 'Soft' but they still shed no tears. Not even my Sister.

Hearing you speak of Holly riding up front and sleeping next to you, I know these have been special areas to overcome in your grieving, and I'm sure like me, the mornings are the worst, for they still are for me. Talking about Holly being able to jump into your bed, reminds me at a couple of days there at the last for Steffie, when she was becoming weeker, one night she just HAD to show me that she was able to jump onto the bed by herself. She backed off to get a running start and made it. I commended her and patted her saying 'You Made It!" and she got the biggest smile on her face. When Schatszie was in her final days, I would have to lift her up onto the truck seat. The look on her face doing so was one of total embarressment. Dogs are very proud creatures, proud of their abilities on their own.

Yes, it was an extremely traumatic event loosing Victor. At some point I'll tell the story. No one in my family ever talked about it from day 1.

What gets me SummerHolly, and I'm being totally honest, I keep hearing about how one should think about all the good times, but it simply does not work for me. Interesting how certain things work for certain people or maybe their particular situation. I just fear that this is going to be a long, hard road ahead with not even a shed of light at the end of the tunnel for a long time. I wish against wish that I could show some form of positive like you real soon, but it just ain't happening. I DO NOT say this for personal sympathy from anyone. I wish I had Moon_Beams abilities to overcome.

Have a good day with all your buddies SummerHolly. I'm sure their smiles and wagging tails each morning when you wake, help you a great deal. They make you feel wanted, they want you to lead them, they need you. That in itself is a wonderful feeling.

Earl

[SummerHolly]

What gets me SummerHolly, and I'm being totally honest, I keep hearing about how one should think about all the good times, but it simply does not work for me. Interesting how certain things work for certain people or maybe their particular situation. I just fear that this is going to be a long, hard road ahead with not even a shed of light at the end of the tunnel for a long time. I wish against wish that I could show some form of positive like you real soon, but it just ain't happening. I DO NOT say this for personal sympathy from anyone. I wish I had Moon_Beams abilities to overcome.

Have a good day with all your buddies SummerHolly. I'm sure their smiles and wagging tails each morning when you wake, help you a great deal. They make you feel wanted, they want you to lead them, they need you. That in itself is a wonderful feeling.

Earl

No it doesnt work for everyone. My mother lost my dad her soul mate some 20 years ago now. We watched him battle with cancer and lose. She told me that from that day forward she basically lost interest in food and life in general and has battled depression ever since as he was her rock. I think it is myself and my sister that have kept her going.

She has missed dad from that day forward and although we talk about the good times we shared as a family she really cant take to much of it before she doesnt want to talk about it anymore as it always slides back to those last days.

It has been very difficult for her and I recognise that perhaps even more so after losing Holly. Even though I missed and dreamt about dad for many years, his coming to me in a dream like your Steffie seemed to help me and I was able to move past the grief eventually.

However she has coped and done many things, it just has been very hard for her. From what you are saying I suspect it is somewhat the same for you at the moment. My mother and I tend to have very different personalities and I think maybe therein lies the different ways people deal with grief and loss. I tend to be innately more positive than my mother about many things. Although perhaps not so much about the way the human race is heading which is why I like to stick to my farm surrounded by my dogs and nature, it gives me a lot of happiness as well as more than the odd headache!.

Yeah I cant really say anything to help you out because I know from experience it can go any way and when and if it will end I dont know. I just do understand the pain you are in and it is indeed a dark place.

And yes dog are indeed proud creatures Holly thought she was invincible even when her body was becoming frail and would attempt things really only suited to a younger stronger dog. Occassionally she would hurt herself and cry and I would hold her tight to me until she felt better. I loved the feel of her soft body and the trust she had in me to make her better.

[Earl A.]

No it doesnt work for everyone. My mother lost my dad her soul mate some 20 years ago now. We watched him battle with cancer and lose. She told me that from that day forward she basically lost interest in food and life in general and has battled depression ever since as he was her rock. I think it is myself and my sister that have kept her going.

She has missed dad from that day forward and although we talk about the good times we shared as a family she really cant take to much of it before she doesnt want to talk about it anymore as it always slides back to those last days.

It has been very difficult for her and I recognise that perhaps even more so after losing Holly. Even though I missed and dreamt about dad for many years, his coming to me in a dream like your Steffie seemed to help me and I was able to move past the grief eventually.

However she has coped and done many things, it just has been very hard for her. From what you are saying I suspect it is somewhat the same for you at the moment. My mother and I tend to have very different personalities and I think maybe therein lies the different ways people deal with grief and loss. I tend to be innately more positive than my mother about many things. Although perhaps not so much about the way the human race is heading which is why I like to stick to my farm surrounded by my dogs and nature, it gives me a lot of happiness as well as more than the odd headache!.

Yeah I cant really say anything to help you out because I know from experience it can go any way and when and if it will end I dont know. I just do understand the pain you are in and it is indeed a dark place.

And yes dog are indeed proud creatures Holly thought she was invincible even when her body was becoming frail and would attempt things really only suited to a younger stronger dog. Occassionally she would hurt herself and cry and I would hold her tight to me until she felt better. I loved the feel of her soft body and the trust she had in me to make her better.

I'm very, very sorry about your Dad, being taken at such a young age. You do not see a marriage like your Parents any more. I know that your Mother's depression wears on you and your Sister. Actually I never got married because I never found anyone whom could meet the standards. Standards of women like my Mother and Grandmothers. I finally threw in the towel after dead end relationships, and about the same time I had gotten Schatszie as a puppy.

With so much on your platter, Holly was your escape and/or solitude.

I don't know how your Mother has coped as such for such a long time.

For some time now, I've observed our society as one massive conglomeration of zombies. When Steffie was alive, it was water on the ducks back, and I went on down the road. But now, I just hate things more. I do not like most people and have become somewhat of a recluse. I can't tolerate the majority of TV shows. Maybe my Mother is right, .....maybe another older friend was right, when suggesting that I should get another puppy. Is their wisdom superior to mine?

I go by what my gut tells me. Like your Mother, my gut tells me that I will never have another dog like Steffie, let alone Schatszie. Steffie broke the mold for so many reasons and the way she did things. There is simply no way around this fact, and it would forever haunt me with a new friend. I would expect too much.

I personally am just so tired of hurting, with seemingly no relief seen up ahead. If only someone would come forth and supply the miracle anecdote. But, in reality, it doesn't exist.

I apologize for being so negative today. If only I could find a way to be 'positive' about 'something'.

[SummerHolly]

I'm very, very sorry about your Dad, being taken at such a young age. You do not see a marriage like your Parents any more. I know that your Mother's depression wears on you and your Sister. Actually I never got married because I never found anyone whom could meet the standards. Standards of women like my Mother and Grandmothers. I finally threw in the towel after dead end relationships, and about the same time I had gotten Schatszie as a puppy.

With so much on your platter, Holly was your escape and/or solitude.

I don't know how your Mother has coped as such for such a long time.

For some time now, I've observed our society as one massive conglomeration of zombies. When Steffie was alive, it was water on the ducks back, and I went on down the road. But now, I just hate things more. I do not like most people and have become somewhat of a recluse. I can't tolerate the majority of TV shows. Maybe my Mother is right, .....maybe another older friend was right, when suggesting that I should get another puppy. Is their wisdom superior to mine?

I go by what my gut tells me. Like your Mother, my gut tells me that I will never have another dog like Steffie, let alone Schatszie. Steffie broke the mold for so many reasons and the way she did things. There is simply no way around this fact, and it would forever haunt me with a new friend. I would expect too much.

I personally am just so tired of hurting, with seemingly no relief seen up ahead. If only someone would come forth and supply the miracle anecdote. But, in reality, it doesn't exist.

I apologize for being so negative today. If only I could find a way to be 'positive' about 'something'.

Earl, I too have had dead end relationships in my life and like my current life on my farm with my animals. I find dogs and a few close friends much more satisfying.
Holly was also a one off for me. I don't think I will ever love another dog as much as I loved her but I still enjoy the company of dogs far too much not to have them in my life. I currently have my youngest asleep on my foot as I write this.

I would never presume to tell you what you should do as I do not know you but I personally would be looking for another puppy. You still have many years ahead of you. Each dog has its own personality and we also influence the dog that they become.
Sure I have been comparing Holly to my other dogs but I will slowly get over that as I allow their personaiities to unfold. My youngest dog is particularly engaging, with a very quirky personality that I am really starting to enjoy.

I also get tired of hurting and my innate nature is to find something positive and for me having a dog or dogs in my life does that.

You have had two much loved dogs each with their own personalities and each bringing you much joy. I can't see why you couldn't love having another in your life. It sounds to me you are just plain miserable without one in your life. It will never devalue the memories of Schatszie or Steffie. My Holly will always burn brightly in my heart and I can never replace that amazing dog but I can love others and allow them to bring me joy.

[Earl A.]

Earl, I too have had dead end relationships in my life and like my current life on my farm with my animals. I find dogs and a few close friends much more satisfying.
Holly was also a one off for me. I don't think I will ever love another dog as much as I loved her but I still enjoy the company of dogs far too much not to have them in my life. I currently have my youngest asleep on my foot as I write this.

I would never presume to tell you what you should do as I do not know you but I personally would be looking for another puppy. You still have many years ahead of you. Each dog has its own personality and we also influence the dog that they become.
Sure I have been comparing Holly to my other dogs but I will slowly get over that as I allow their personaiities to unfold. My youngest dog is particularly engaging, with a very quirky personality that I am really starting to enjoy.

I also get tired of hurting and my innate nature is to find something positive and for me having a dog or dogs in my life does that.

You have had two much loved dogs each with their own personalities and each bringing you much joy. I can't see why you couldn't love having another in your life. It sounds to me you are just plain miserable without one in your life. It will never devalue the memories of Schatszie or Steffie. My Holly will always burn brightly in my heart and I can never replace that amazing dog but I can love others and allow them to bring me joy.

Believe me when I say that I value your opinion very highly, just as I would Moon_Beam. I feel that there are many parallels with your's and my situation. I'm fully aware that I could never replace Steffie, as I knew I couldn't replace Schatszie when I got Steffie. I do know that Steffie brought many, many joys back into my life that were hidden in grief. As I have stated before, I do not think I will ever be able to shake Steffie only living to be only 9 yrs old, with only having her first three yrs of life with no medical issues.

I just read the present ongoing situation of the person's weimaraner 'Big'. The situation is an absolute carbon copy of Schatszie, except Schatszie quit eating. God, I feel so badly for them, especially due to the fact that Big is still eating. Unfortunately, the decision is centered around Big's 'Pride' and their inability to run, jump, etc., etc.. I feel this person's pain like it was happening to me and Schatszie in April of 2005.

Like you, I will know that things are getting better when I finally can wake up to a new morning without tears.

I Thank You SummerHolly for your wisdom at a time when you are hurting also.

Regards,

Earl

[SummerHolly]

Believe me when I say that I value your opinion very highly, just as I would Moon_Beam. I feel that there are many parallels with your's and my situation. I'm fully aware that I could never replace Steffie, as I knew I couldn't replace Schatszie when I got Steffie. I do know that Steffie brought many, many joys back into my life that were hidden in grief. As I have stated before, I do not think I will ever be able to shake Steffie only living to be only 9 yrs old, with only having her first three yrs of life with no medical issues.

I just read the present ongoing situation of the person's weimaraner 'Big'. The situation is an absolute carbon copy of Schatszie, except Schatszie quit eating. God, I feel so badly for them, especially due to the fact that Big is still eating. Unfortunately, the decision is centered around Big's 'Pride' and their inability to run, jump, etc., etc.. I feel this person's pain like it was happening to me and Schatszie in April of 2005.

Like you, I will know that things are getting better when I finally can wake up to a new morning without tears.

I Thank You SummerHolly for your wisdom at a time when you are hurting also.

Regards,

Earl

You know I like to to think that the dogs I have had in my life have been there for a reason. I have had a gentically incredibly fearful dog who was very hard work but taught me so much and in doing so completely changed the course of my life in her very short life. I also have 3 young working dogs I took in to save them from a bullet and all 3 have turned out great little workers for me, and also taught me so much.

Most of my dogs have come to me by circumstance including Holly. I ponder on how their lives would have been if they had not come to me and for some of these lovely sentinent creatures it would not have been good. So I help myself get through all this by focussing on this.

Your Steffie very likely would not have lasted to 9 years without you so you likely gave a very special dog a chance at a longer life than she might have got anywhere else. I know this is cold comfort but it is very real. You gave her something very special and she responded in turn with everything she had.

Yes the person with the Weim is having to make a very hard choice. I once had a 16 1/2 yo dog whose back legs had given way but was still eating. But she would look at me helplessly from her bed and I just knew that I had to end it. We spent a lovely morning together and the vet came to my house. That was so hard. I have also been through a very traumatic ending with one of my dogs due to a vet making a wrong call, still upsets me.

This is very hard for all of us. Like you, I will miss my girl for a very long time, I tear up often during the day especially thinking about her final days. I do know though that she had the best life ever as did your Steffie. Dogs do not know if they have lived 3 or 15 years, they live each day as it comes and as long as we are there with them they are as happy as they can be, even when their health isnt always as good as it could be.

Our job is to make sure they are as safe and loved as they can be and they will return that in spades. We have to shoulder the heartaches because we are the humans. But I always think of the safety and love I gave them, and that makes me happy.

I hope you too can take more and more comfort in the love and care you gave to your Steffie and you start to find some peace rather than be haunted by the unfairness of it.

[Earl A.]

You know I like to to think that the dogs I have had in my life have been there for a reason. I have had a gentically incredibly fearful dog who was very hard work but taught me so much and in doing so completely changed the course of my life in her very short life. I also have 3 young working dogs I took in to save them from a bullet and all 3 have turned out great little workers for me, and also taught me so much.

Most of my dogs have come to me by circumstance including Holly. I ponder on how their lives would have been if they had not come to me and for some of these lovely sentinent creatures it would not have been good. So I help myself get through all this by focussing on this.

Your Steffie very likely would not have lasted to 9 years without you so you likely gave a very special dog a chance at a longer life than she might have got anywhere else. I know this is cold comfort but it is very real. You gave her something very special and she responded in turn with everything she had.

Yes the person with the Weim is having to make a very hard choice. I once had a 16 1/2 yo dog whose back legs had given way but was still eating. But she would look at me helplessly from her bed and I just knew that I had to end it. We spent a lovely morning together and the vet came to my house. That was so hard. I have also been through a very traumatic ending with one of my dogs due to a vet making a wrong call, still upsets me.

This is very hard for all of us. Like you, I will miss my girl for a very long time, I tear up often during the day especially thinking about her final days. I do know though that she had the best life ever as did your Steffie. Dogs do not know if they have lived 3 or 15 years, they live each day as it comes and as long as we are there with them they are as happy as they can be, even when their health isnt always as good as it could be.

Our job is to make sure they are as safe and loved as they can be and they will return that in spades. We have to shoulder the heartaches because we are the humans. But I always think of the safety and love I gave them, and that makes me happy.

I hope you too can take more and more comfort in the love and care you gave to your Steffie and you start to find some peace rather than be haunted by the unfairness of it.

"Dogs do not know if they have lived 3 or 15 years, they live each day as it comes and as long as we are there with them they are as happy as they can be, even when their health isnt always as good as it could be."....So very true Summer_Holly, so very, very true. There in lies the ruthless pain we sustain when they are gone. They never demanded a single, solitary thing. Guess thats why I finally gave up on the human race as a whole.

I will admit to you that I know deep inside me, that I can't survive without another 'Best Friend' in my life. I realize that there are so many horrible health issues that our Pets have to sustain, but, to me, CKF is absolutely insidious. A roller coaster ride direct from hell. I will never be able to be at peace thinking of Steffie's emaciated body in the end. Sure, I know, "Quit or don't think about it." Interesting, how do you not think about it when 'You Were There'.

Like so many of us of our generation, I've seen some horrible things in my life concerning dogs. Heartworm disease when there was no preventative. Then, today, people will not give it to their dogs!?? In my area!?? Theres a man that lives just down the road from me. College Graduate, married, big beautiful home, plenty of money in family. I do not know him personally. He drives a crew cab dodge truck with a flatbed(no side railings). He is ~in his late 40's-early 50's. He takes his dog with him while diving......his dog is free-standing on the flatbed. I've even seen him on the interstate at 70+ mph. Of course, there are no Texas laws preventing such, just for 'children'. I've seen this 'person' drive by here and his dog is standing on the very back edge of the flatbed. I have no reservations in telling you, that he should be found in a ditch somewhere face down.

Yes SummerHolly, Holly, Steffie, Shatszie, Victor And ALL of our Pets that we have had were blessed the day they came to us. I/You can go to bed and wake up knowing that we did our best to the very end.

[SummerHolly]

"Dogs do not know if they have lived 3 or 15 years, they live each day as it comes and as long as we are there with them they are as happy as they can be, even when their health isnt always as good as it could be."....So very true Summer_Holly, so very, very true. There in lies the ruthless pain we sustain when they are gone. They never demanded a single, solitary thing. Guess thats why I finally gave up on the human race as a whole.

I will admit to you that I know deep inside me, that I can't survive without another 'Best Friend' in my life. I realize that there are so many horrible health issues that our Pets have to sustain, but, to me, CKF is absolutely insidious. A roller coaster ride direct from hell. I will never be able to be at peace thinking of Steffie's emaciated body in the end. Sure, I know, "Quit or don't think about it." Interesting, how do you not think about it when 'You Were There'.

Like so many of us of our generation, I've seen some horrible things in my life concerning dogs. Heartworm disease when there was no preventative. Then, today, people will not give it to their dogs!?? In my area!?? Theres a man that lives just down the road from me. College Graduate, married, big beautiful home, plenty of money in family. I do not know him personally. He drives a crew cab dodge truck with a flatbed(no side railings). He is ~in his late 40's-early 50's. He takes his dog with him while diving......his dog is free-standing on the flatbed. I've even seen him on the interstate at 70+ mph. Of course, there are no Texas laws preventing such, just for 'children'. I've seen this 'person' drive by here and his dog is standing on the very back edge of the flatbed. I have no reservations in telling you, that he should be found in a ditch somewhere face down.

Yes SummerHolly, Holly, Steffie, Shatszie, Victor And ALL of our Pets that we have had were blessed the day they came to us. I/You can go to bed and wake up knowing that we did our best to the very end.

Yes I do not understand how some people treat their pets. That is why I am glad my dogs came to me. I am not perfect but have always tried to keep them safe and loved. Yeah I am not particularly keen on people any more, which is why I live on a farm.

I can understand that you will never forget the toll that CKF took on your beloved Steffie. I wouldnt have either. The thing I hate about dog breeding is that there are so many irresponsible breeders out there who dont do the neccessary gentic tests and often in breed or line breed innapropriately. I myself have been caught with this with a dog with huge issues and she died before she was 3 but her short life was filled with surgery. It makes me mad because most of these genetic tests are available and affordable to breeders.

Unfortunately there are a lot of breeders who are just interested in the money and do things as cheaply as possible with scant regard to the puppies and their future owners. This is a huge bugbear of mine.

Apart from the odd working dog I rescue I now do a lot of research when getting a pup and insist on all the relevant genetic testing being in place and I also use my contacts within the dog world to check out breeders that are less than reputable. My dogs are mainly working bred these days form reputable working breeders where it is difficult to get away with health problems in their lines. My next working dog in a couple of years time when my current working dog are likely to be looking at retirement, is from a planned breeding from a friends bitch where all due care has been taken to do all the genetic health testing and scans, research into the lines of both dog and bitch and the puppies will be raised in the house, well socialised and cared for and placed in the right homes.

I am sorry you had to go through this with your Steffie, it really makes me mad when I see people breeding dogs with no care what so ever. Yourly lovely Steffie and you are the ones that pay the real price and already know what that price is.

You know maybe one day you will be able to welcome another friend into your life, I guess you just have to let it run its course and see how you feel further down the track when things are a little less raw. It is such a personal journey do to what feels right for you.

[Earl A.]

Yes I do not understand how some people treat their pets. That is why I am glad my dogs came to me. I am not perfect but have always tried to keep them safe and loved. Yeah I am not particularly keen on people any more, which is why I live on a farm.

I can understand that you will never forget the toll that CKF took on your beloved Steffie. I wouldnt have either. The thing I hate about dog breeding is that there are so many irresponsible breeders out there who dont do the neccessary gentic tests and often in breed or line breed innapropriately. I myself have been caught with this with a dog with huge issues and she died before she was 3 but her short life was filled with surgery. It makes me mad because most of these genetic tests are available and affordable to breeders.

Unfortunately there are a lot of breeders who are just interested in the money and do things as cheaply as possible with scant regard to the puppies and their future owners. This is a huge bugbear of mine.

Apart from the odd working dog I rescue I now do a lot of research when getting a pup and insist on all the relevant genetic testing being in place and I also use my contacts within the dog world to check out breeders that are less than reputable. My dogs are mainly working bred these days form reputable working breeders where it is difficult to get away with health problems in their lines. My next working dog in a couple of years time when my current working dog are likely to be looking at retirement, is from a planned breeding from a friends bitch where all due care has been taken to do all the genetic health testing and scans, research into the lines of both dog and bitch and the puppies will be raised in the house, well socialised and cared for and placed in the right homes.

I am sorry you had to go through this with your Steffie, it really makes me mad when I see people breeding dogs with no care what so ever. Yourly lovely Steffie and you are the ones that pay the real price and already know what that price is.

You know maybe one day you will be able to welcome another friend into your life, I guess you just have to let it run its course and see how you feel further down the track when things are a little less raw. It is such a personal journey do to what feels right for you.

Yep, you are so right about a lot of breeders. Their cost are sky high now and they will cut corners. At the end of the day though, its all about money....profit. Theres no doubt in my mind that Steffie's problems were inherited. One of which was High Triglycerides. With all the expensive tests that were run, they never could find a cause. Gemfibrozil was given, but it had medium affects......her level was never in the normal range. Basically SummerHolly, I'm worn out.......beat to a pulp of worrying......fix.....worrying....fix, for six long years. You were right that Steffie wouldn't have lived as long as she did if it wasn't for my 24/7 watch over her.

As with you probably, I still will never understand WHY, WHY, ALL the negative things were dropping from the sky like bombs, when our Holly and Steffie were taking a turn for the worse. I will forever hate the month of October, let alone November. 'And Now'? No arrows being shot my way, none since Nov 17 when I said Goodbye to Steffie. Apparently we were being tested, but for what?

I recently went to the breeder's website where I got Steffie. She is still blowing and going, on the board here and there, showing off all her championship ribbons, etc., etc.. All about the $$.

Yes, call me greedy, if only I could have had Steffie another year, there is something magical when your pet reaches 10 yrs old. It must have been very hard on you when you lost your dog before 3 yrs old. Very, Very hard on you,.....something you never get over. That would be a death blow to me, period.

One thing that is etched in stone SummerHolly, with all the holistic home diets, over-vaccination, supplements, etc, etc, to supposedly keep our pets healthy, it doesn't hold water if the genetics are bad.

Regards,

Earl

[SummerHolly]

Yep, you are so right about a lot of breeders. Their cost are sky high now and they will cut corners. At the end of the day though, its all about money....profit. Theres no doubt in my mind that Steffie's problems were inherited. One of which was High Triglycerides. With all the expensive tests that were run, they never could find a cause. Gemfibrozil was given, but it had medium affects......her level was never in the normal range. Basically SummerHolly, I'm worn out.......beat to a pulp of worrying......fix.....worrying....fix, for six long years. You were right that Steffie wouldn't have lived as long as she did if it wasn't for my 24/7 watch over her.

As with you probably, I still will never understand WHY, WHY, ALL the negative things were dropping from the sky like bombs, when our Holly and Steffie were taking a turn for the worse. I will forever hate the month of October, let alone November. 'And Now'? No arrows being shot my way, none since Nov 17 when I said Goodbye to Steffie. Apparently we were being tested, but for what?

I recently went to the breeder's website where I got Steffie. She is still blowing and going, on the board here and there, showing off all her championship ribbons, etc., etc.. All about the $$.

Yes, call me greedy, if only I could have had Steffie another year, there is something magical when your pet reaches 10 yrs old. It must have been very hard on you when you lost your dog before 3 yrs old. Very, Very hard on you,.....something you never get over. That would be a death blow to me, period.

One thing that is etched in stone SummerHolly, with all the holistic home diets, over-vaccination, supplements, etc, etc, to supposedly keep our pets healthy, it doesn't hold water if the genetics are bad.

Regards,

Earl

Yes a family I know is having to euthanaise a loved 14 month old Rotweiller because after thousands of dollars worth of surgery to deal with elbow dysplasia, both her cruciates have now ruptured. Bad genetics and breeding practices is at the core of it all. I think they have shown that life expectancy of certain breeds has actually gone down. With all our improved knowledge I find that despicable.

Yes I know what you mean about the the magic age of 10. For my breeds it should be at least 12 or I feel ripped off.

I know how you would become worn down. I was starting to feel that way with my genetically compromised dog who reached 3. It was hard work with both elbow dysplasia and genetic temperament issues to deal with. Relentlessly ongoing. Not that I begrudged my dog that care, and I loved her but it shouldnt be like that.

Yeah lot of negative bombs for me also since the end of September and not really improving much. I dont know if we are being tested or it is just simply the natural order of life. There seem to have been a lot of really negative things happening world wide the last few months.

I guess I just try and take a positive view of it all as much as I can or I would do my head in. I went out today in a 50 acre paddock and did some herding training with my working dogs and watched the sunset over the hills. There is something magical about wide open spaces and working your dog under a red sky. I will scatter my beloved Holly's ashes along the creek that comes alive with wildflowers in Spring.

I find nature is very important in the healing process. Try and spoil yourself a little Earl. It is such an exhaustingly hard process this grieving and you need to look after yourself as much as you can as you have given so much of yourself. Not easy when all sorts of other stressful things are going on. Steffie and Holly were incredibly loved which is in its self a small miracle in the melting pot of life.