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Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 91 Joined: 19-December 14 Member No.: 8,495 ![]() |
I wrote this site back in May 2005, after I lost my beloved Weimaraner 'Schatszie'. I lived alone then at 50, as I still do now, and still have a small business operation from my home. At ten years old Schatszie started having Liver issues, which then turned into kidney problems. Two days before I had the Vet put Schatszie to sleep, she had a major siezure.After rushing her to the Vet for treatment, she was revived but couldn't walk. It was a gut wrenching experience, but I got two more days with her, so that I could look her in the eyes to tell her I loved Her before she passed. After Schatszie passed, I swore I just couldn't get another friend, but after ~8 months, I woke up one day and decided to search for another Weim Puppy, which turned out to be dead ends every where I searched......no new or expected litters anywhere. Then, I got a lead, that a Very Reputable Weim Breeder here in Texas just had a litter and there were two pups remaing, unspoken for, and one was a female! I was so damn excited,......My pitiful loneliness would now be gone. After arriving at the breeder's home, I observed some of her other weims in her kennel. Something didn't seem right with their looks, as per what most standard Weims that I have had look like. We then proceeded to see my new puppy, 'Steffie'. We took her outside to let her run with another male adult dog, and I was sold......she had a feisty way about her,....not a quitter to the very end, as she kept trying to take the cloth toy from the other dog's mouth. 'Steffie' was a very healthy looking puppy. The first two years I had her, there were zero health issues. But when she was ~3 years old, she got a lower respiratory infection, contributed mostly by the exteme pine tree pollen in the air here in the spring. Well, the Vet got that corrected, but there would be another flareup of this respiratory problem later, got it fixed, then never had anymore issues of such. Then when she was ~3.5 years, she developed some small circular lesions on both eyes, and after tests were run, they found that her triglyceride levels were very high. The Vet or Tx A&M Vet Clinic could never pinpoint the cause of the high Triglycerides, and I had to start her on expensive prescription 'Low Digestive Fat' food, plus a precribed medication given daily the rest of her life. When Steffie was almost 6 years, one day I was going to give her some of my banana, but she looked the other way, as if her sight/hearing was malfunctioning. Prior to this, she showed no signs of any health issues. Being an emergency, I rushed her to Tx A&M Vet Clinic. After IV's and many, many tests, she regained her sight, etc., and then they gave me the bad news, that they found a UTI(I hadn't observed anything in her actions telling me of this), and that she was technically loosing protein in her urine. They then told me that it was Chronic Kidney Failure and it would shorten her life by months or years. My first thought upon hearing this.....This can't be! Steffie is my new life, my salvation! This simply can't be happening! That was the longest drive home that day I've ever made. I had to return to A&M for followup visits so that they could get the new dosages correct on her medications that she would have to take the rest of her life. I had the Vet put Steffie to sleep this November 17. Steffie survived this insidious disease for 3.5 years, having given her one medication three times per day, four other medications twice per day, then her vitamins. Steffie got so tired of taking pills, not to mention I had to administer them down her throat or mixing them in baby food fruit products with a 60ml syringe......twice/day for 3.5 years. In early October of this year, she started loosing weight, muscle. I knew the end was near, and all the rescue drugs were now not working.....she was entering the fourth stage of kidney failure. Yes, I had the Vet give IV's as well as I at home, as I witnessed seemingly daily the unbelievable weight loss. Her poor body was dwindling to nothing. At ~8 days prior to her passing, she developed a secondary infection in her upper respiratory, mainly in her throat, whereby there was green mucous emitting from her nostrils and somewhat at her eyes. The Vet put her on antibiotics, and at times, one would think that it kept the infection in check, but in the end it came back. In the last 48 hours of Steffie's life, I was in contact with my Vet, letting her lead the way as per when the time was right. Hours before the Vet came to my house, Steffie had lost the use of her legs, and I had to carry her outside to urinate, etc..
I'm writing this lengthy story for a reason. I want all those poor souls that have or are presently going through this, that 'I Understand'. I understand 1000%. No one else but your Vet will understand. You can't talk to anyone about it, unless they have BEEN THERE. I also wrote this lengthy story for those that live alone with such happening to them. Living alone and loosing your Best Friend is another world in itself. A month later I find myself lost,.....Nothing has meaning or purpose anymore,....I'm not needed anymore. Yes, I'm fully aware that only time can heal such wounds, but this was a very deep wound this time, regardless of how many times I've previously gone through having your Best Friend put to sleep. But, then, I try to grasp ahold of the positives,.....Steffie lived another 3.5 years, my Father helped me through the financial strain of ~$8,000.00+ I spent in 7 years keeping Steffie Healthy/Alive,.......I was with Steffie 24/7,.....BUT, in the end, I realize how lucky I am to be able to bury her here on my property, and place a headstone on her grave. In closing, Chronic Kidney Failure is absolutely an insidious disease that wears many hats. The desperate things you do towards the end, thinking you can buy time, etc., but knowing the clock is ticking so damn loud you become desperate, you'll do anything but sit there and let your Best Friend die. Looking back, I'm at peace knowing I was able to hold my Benevolent, Sweet Steffie, and look her in the eyes....."I Love You Steffie". |
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![]() Forum Moderator Group: Moderators Posts: 8,088 Joined: 20-July 08 From: Virginia Member No.: 4,861 ![]() |
Hi, Earl, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, please let me try to reassure you that the "dream" you and your beloved Steffie shared is REAL. There is no doubt in my mind that your beloved Steffie's sweet Living Spirit came to reassure you that she is restored to her former youthfulness thanks to your unselfish love that released her from her frail, failing, painful physical body - - and that she is with you now as she always has been and always will be - - for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.
Some people feel quite unsettled when they experience "visits" from their beloved companions. Like you, however, I embrace them when they happen and find great comfort in knowing they still find a way to let me know their sweet Living Spirits are still with me - - that I truly am not "alone" in my continued earthly journey. I so understand what it is like to have to put on the "public face" so that others around me will not be embarassed by the deep sorrow in my heart - - as well as to avoid as much as possible the hurtful comments from others - - including my family members - - who believe that animals are "expendable creatures" and unworthy of feelings of loss. I, too, and very thankful for this wonderful forum as a safe place where we can come to share what is in our hearts without fear of judgment or rejection. Please know we are here for you, Earl, for as long and as often as you need us. I hope today is treating you kindly, Earl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Steffie's and Schatzie's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing. Peace and blessings, moon_beam -------------------- In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.
The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face. |
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#3
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Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 91 Joined: 19-December 14 Member No.: 8,495 ![]() |
Hi, Earl, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, please let me try to reassure you that the "dream" you and your beloved Steffie shared is REAL. There is no doubt in my mind that your beloved Steffie's sweet Living Spirit came to reassure you that she is restored to her former youthfulness thanks to your unselfish love that released her from her frail, failing, painful physical body - - and that she is with you now as she always has been and always will be - - for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you. Some people feel quite unsettled when they experience "visits" from their beloved companions. Like you, however, I embrace them when they happen and find great comfort in knowing they still find a way to let me know their sweet Living Spirits are still with me - - that I truly am not "alone" in my continued earthly journey. I so understand what it is like to have to put on the "public face" so that others around me will not be embarassed by the deep sorrow in my heart - - as well as to avoid as much as possible the hurtful comments from others - - including my family members - - who believe that animals are "expendable creatures" and unworthy of feelings of loss. I, too, and very thankful for this wonderful forum as a safe place where we can come to share what is in our hearts without fear of judgment or rejection. Please know we are here for you, Earl, for as long and as often as you need us. I hope today is treating you kindly, Earl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Steffie's and Schatzie's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing. Peace and blessings, moon_beam Hi Moon_Beam,( that animals are "expendable creatures" and unworthy of feelings of loss.).....So sad is it not. A friend of mine went through a divorce some years back, and they had a dog while married. His ex remained in their house as well as the dog. Within months, she started having financial issues and their dog(only 7 yrs old & totally healthy) became an issue with her, and without contacting my friend she had the dog put to sleep. When I was being told this story, I simply couldn't believe what my ears were hearing. 'How' could anyone be this heartless?! I came to the conclusion back when I lost Schatszie, to have no communication with anyone concerning my personal pain, and 'Yes', even with family members. Again, the relationship/Bond between the Owner/Companion is a VERY PERSONAL and DETAILED experience. I will tell you, I'm having a very difficult time trying to get past the fact that Steffie was only nine yrs old, even though 'I Realize' many things, such as 'I Knew' her life would be cut short due to CKF,.......'How Lucky I/She was to be blessed with a 3.5 yr extension of life after that March 2011 Diagnosis',........Owners, such as yourself whom lost their beloved friends at a Much Younger Age, etc.. With Schatszie, I finally found peace with myself, due to the fact she lived to be 12. I'm not a selfish individual, and I take all of this into consideration when I speak of Steffie being only 9. Moon_Beam, How did you finally cope,....find peace, when you lost your friends at a very young age? The pain had to be absolutely devistating! I know you are a very strong individual from what you have told me, but 'How' did you finally move forward? I sincerely appreciate you tolerating me. I do not want to be a nuisance at this site. It seems that I have made some headway, but, there are too many activities from that point through the rest of the day that Steffie and I did, like clockwork, and the waves of pain come and go. I just simply cannot get past the feeling that 'It wasn't fair that Steffie was only 9'. I hope your day today was a peaceful one, Regards, Earl |
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