The End To A Long Story Options

[Earl A.]

I wrote this site back in May 2005, after I lost my beloved Weimaraner 'Schatszie'. I lived alone then at 50, as I still do now, and still have a small business operation from my home. At ten years old Schatszie started having Liver issues, which then turned into kidney problems. Two days before I had the Vet put Schatszie to sleep, she had a major siezure.After rushing her to the Vet for treatment, she was revived but couldn't walk. It was a gut wrenching experience, but I got two more days with her, so that I could look her in the eyes to tell her I loved Her before she passed. After Schatszie passed, I swore I just couldn't get another friend, but after ~8 months, I woke up one day and decided to search for another Weim Puppy, which turned out to be dead ends every where I searched......no new or expected litters anywhere. Then, I got a lead, that a Very Reputable Weim Breeder here in Texas just had a litter and there were two pups remaing, unspoken for, and one was a female! I was so damn excited,......My pitiful loneliness would now be gone. After arriving at the breeder's home, I observed some of her other weims in her kennel. Something didn't seem right with their looks, as per what most standard Weims that I have had look like. We then proceeded to see my new puppy, 'Steffie'. We took her outside to let her run with another male adult dog, and I was sold......she had a feisty way about her,....not a quitter to the very end, as she kept trying to take the cloth toy from the other dog's mouth. 'Steffie' was a very healthy looking puppy. The first two years I had her, there were zero health issues. But when she was ~3 years old, she got a lower respiratory infection, contributed mostly by the exteme pine tree pollen in the air here in the spring. Well, the Vet got that corrected, but there would be another flareup of this respiratory problem later, got it fixed, then never had anymore issues of such. Then when she was ~3.5 years, she developed some small circular lesions on both eyes, and after tests were run, they found that her triglyceride levels were very high. The Vet or Tx A&M Vet Clinic could never pinpoint the cause of the high Triglycerides, and I had to start her on expensive prescription 'Low Digestive Fat' food, plus a precribed medication given daily the rest of her life. When Steffie was almost 6 years, one day I was going to give her some of my banana, but she looked the other way, as if her sight/hearing was malfunctioning. Prior to this, she showed no signs of any health issues. Being an emergency, I rushed her to Tx A&M Vet Clinic. After IV's and many, many tests, she regained her sight, etc., and then they gave me the bad news, that they found a UTI(I hadn't observed anything in her actions telling me of this), and that she was technically loosing protein in her urine. They then told me that it was Chronic Kidney Failure and it would shorten her life by months or years. My first thought upon hearing this.....This can't be! Steffie is my new life, my salvation! This simply can't be happening! That was the longest drive home that day I've ever made. I had to return to A&M for followup visits so that they could get the new dosages correct on her medications that she would have to take the rest of her life. I had the Vet put Steffie to sleep this November 17. Steffie survived this insidious disease for 3.5 years, having given her one medication three times per day, four other medications twice per day, then her vitamins. Steffie got so tired of taking pills, not to mention I had to administer them down her throat or mixing them in baby food fruit products with a 60ml syringe......twice/day for 3.5 years. In early October of this year, she started loosing weight, muscle. I knew the end was near, and all the rescue drugs were now not working.....she was entering the fourth stage of kidney failure. Yes, I had the Vet give IV's as well as I at home, as I witnessed seemingly daily the unbelievable weight loss. Her poor body was dwindling to nothing. At ~8 days prior to her passing, she developed a secondary infection in her upper respiratory, mainly in her throat, whereby there was green mucous emitting from her nostrils and somewhat at her eyes. The Vet put her on antibiotics, and at times, one would think that it kept the infection in check, but in the end it came back. In the last 48 hours of Steffie's life, I was in contact with my Vet, letting her lead the way as per when the time was right. Hours before the Vet came to my house, Steffie had lost the use of her legs, and I had to carry her outside to urinate, etc..

I'm writing this lengthy story for a reason. I want all those poor souls that have or are presently going through this, that 'I Understand'. I understand 1000%. No one else but your Vet will understand. You can't talk to anyone about it, unless they have BEEN THERE. I also wrote this lengthy story for those that live alone with such happening to them. Living alone and loosing your Best Friend is another world in itself.

A month later I find myself lost,.....Nothing has meaning or purpose anymore,....I'm not needed anymore. Yes, I'm fully aware that only time can heal such wounds, but this was a very deep wound this time, regardless of how many times I've previously gone through having your Best Friend put to sleep. But, then, I try to grasp ahold of the positives,.....Steffie lived another 3.5 years, my Father helped me through the financial strain of ~$8,000.00+ I spent in 7 years keeping Steffie Healthy/Alive,.......I was with Steffie 24/7,.....BUT, in the end, I realize how lucky I am to be able to bury her here on my property, and place a headstone on her grave.

In closing, Chronic Kidney Failure is absolutely an insidious disease that wears many hats. The desperate things you do towards the end, thinking you can buy time, etc., but knowing the clock is ticking so damn loud you become desperate, you'll do anything but sit there and let your Best Friend die. Looking back, I'm at peace knowing I was able to hold my Benevolent, Sweet Steffie, and look her in the eyes....."I Love You Steffie".

[moon_beam]

Hi, Earl, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Steffie. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Earl, as you already know so well this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It doesn't matter if it's our first experience or our thousandth - - each experience is unique because each relationship we have with each of our beloved companions is uniquely individual. Each experience happens at different times in our lives, and each new experience can once again arouse the memories of previous losses adding to the sorrow of the present grief adjustment journey.

Although you are now on a journey of adjusting to the physical absence of your beloved Steffie, there is one thing that will never change: the love bond you and your beloved Steffie, and Schatszie, share. Love is eternal, Earl - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Steffie's, and Schatszie's, sweet Living Spirits continue to share your earthly journey as they always have and always will - - for they are always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Earl - - they are always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow and emptiness that engulfs our hearts and lives coping with the "new reality" of adjusting to the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure - - the longing to hold our beloved companion "just one more time." Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey, and please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Steffie with us, Earl. Perhaps sometime you will share a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Earl A.]

Hi, Earl, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Steffie. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Earl, as you already know so well this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It doesn't matter if it's our first experience or our thousandth - - each experience is unique because each relationship we have with each of our beloved companions is uniquely individual. Each experience happens at different times in our lives, and each new experience can once again arouse the memories of previous losses adding to the sorrow of the present grief adjustment journey.

Although you are now on a journey of adjusting to the physical absence of your beloved Steffie, there is one thing that will never change: the love bond you and your beloved Steffie, and Schatszie, share. Love is eternal, Earl - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Steffie's, and Schatszie's, sweet Living Spirits continue to share your earthly journey as they always have and always will - - for they are always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Earl - - they are always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow and emptiness that engulfs our hearts and lives coping with the "new reality" of adjusting to the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure - - the longing to hold our beloved companion "just one more time." Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey, and please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Steffie with us, Earl. Perhaps sometime you will share a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Moon_Beam: I sincerely appreciate your very thoughtful and kind words. Yes, everyone's situation is unique. I just wanted those, that are going through the 'Chronic Kidney Failure' ordeal, to know that 'WE' are out there and 'KNOW' what you are dealing with. I've often said, "I don't know what is more insidious, CKF or ALZ. In my particular case, it became quite obvious that Steffie had genetically inherited issues. The luck of the draw when getting a new puppy. The past six years combined with the first three years of raising Steffie from a puppy, created a VERY, VERY strong bond between her and I. Consequently, I'm having a very hard time of 'Letting Go'. It's just all so sad, so very sad, that our beloved friends have such a short, short life span in considering all that they give and never complain, even when they feel terrible.

There is no doubt, that in this sick world in which we live, our beloved friends have and will always be the ONLY sane thing thing in one's life, and when they are gone, THEN one truly realizes this. It takes a lot of courage to get another friend after loosing one. In my case,....my age, etc., I really do not think I can go through this again. Sure, 'We all say this', only to adopt, etc., again. But, as aforementioned, that one's situation is always unique, my Heart & Soul went with Steffie
as well as with Schatszie. I tried again, but this wound will never heal.

I just wish the best to all those that are either getting ready to go through this, or are trying to find peace. It's just all so Very, Very Sad.

Thank You for letting me express myself.