Utter Devastation, Abby's Passing Options

[Abby's Mommy]

I do not wish to share this post.

[hegelsmom]

Abby's mommy,
I have been very worried about you. I sent you a private message.
My grief is unbearable as well. Nothing is really helping.
There is a measure of comfort in coming here,and being with people that understand
your pain.
I am going to see a private counselor tomorrow. I went to a pet loss group on the
13th. There was only myself and one lady,plus a psychologist. She had never done
one the groups before. She was well meaning, but it wasn't that helpful.
It took the Iowa pet loss hotline people over a week to get back to me.
The girl on the phone said she was a sophmore in college. No offense to young
people, but all she did was sit on the phone while I talked and cried. After about
30 seconds of silence on her part, I just hung up the phone.

The man I am going to see tomorrow seems very compassionate. He said he will
see me completely free of charge tomorrow, and if I need futher visits he will
work with me if I cannot afford it. The only problem is, it is going to be quite
a drive. My husband has rearranged his work schedule in the morning, so that I
do not have to take the baby with me. Whatever advice or comfort this man can
offer, I will gladly share it with everyone on the board. I know there isn't a "magic
bullet" out there, but I have never really felt a pain quite as intense as this, (and I
have had some pretty lousy to say the least things happen... haven't most of us?)

You pet is your baby, and support system. I know Hegel was my little "rock". That
constant in the storm. You can't replace that. Even if you are blessed with friends
that are good listeners, or good family support, people get busy, they can say the
wrong thing, etc.. our fur babies are always there for us. I don't have a lot of
human support around me. I know that you don't either. I know you feel alone,
and isolated.

Seven years ago, my childhood cat Muff, died at the age of 19. I had lived away
from home for years, and so had my sister. My father worked a long disance away,
and only came home on the weekends. When Muff died, my mother was totally
alone. I was away at college, my sister lived in Europe. Her mother and father
had been dead for years. The loneliness was overwhelming for her. I drove
home as much as I could, but I'm sure it wasn't enough. My sister lived in Europe
for over 10 years, and pretty much wrote the family off. She would call once or
twice a year. My mother had no one. Eight months later, I brought her a kitten.
I don't think she was really ready, but in time, Maggie has become her favorite.
I say favorite, because somehow, she has now ended up with 10 cats!
The recent passing of my cat upset my mom greatly. She not only misses him, but
is reminded of Muff's passing also. She still thinks of him, and so do I. I had him
from age 11 to age 30. That's quite a few presidents, a war, too many boyfriends,
and lousy jobs. I wasn't home with him much after age 18 or so, but he represented
"home" to me. I asked about him everytime I called, and my mom signed his name
and hers to every card and letter she ever wrote to me. I think about those months
she was so alone down there, and I feel guilty that I probably didn't get home more.
I should have tried harder, to make up for her other daughter, my sister.

I don't know why I ended up going in to all of this, but I'm sure it has been because
I really have been concerned about you. I have thought about how lonesome my
mother was, those years ago.
From one soul pain to another, please take care.
Hegelsmom