I Lost Mira, My Best Friend, I'm in a personal hell. Options

[AugustusS]

Hello. I desperately need someone to talk to here and there and just don't understand this site. I posted in a spot and don't know if this spot is right either. Nobody will reply. Please help. I'm a nice guy I just need some support with losing my angel. It was such a tragedy I'm just in agony ans hell.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Augustus, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Mira. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion under tragic circumstances intensifies the grief.

Augustus, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time because you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure.

This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Mira, and it is a very painful adjustment both emotionally and physically. Even though your beloved Mira is no longer physically with you, the love bond you and your beloved Mira share is eternal - - for love is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Mira's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Augustus - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. And please know each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. It may take a little time for you to receive responses, but I assure you you are among friends here who truly know what you are going through, and we will respond to you as quickly as each of us can.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Mira with us, Augustus. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Augustus, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[AugustusS]

Dear Moon_Beam,
Your time and care to respond has really touched my heart. I would be glad to share a photo of Mira but the site rejects all my photos saying they're too big but they're standard size. I tried to shrink it and to no avail.
What kills me about my angel Mira is my hopes for the future and all the plans we had. She was born August 12, 2013 and left us Sept 1, 2014 at 1:00AM she breathed her last breath in my mouth. Fireworks caused her to take off from my house and she was terrified. She ran and ran and ran. I frantically searched and I had some neighbors help as well. Then, a person with personal ties to the Humane Society got a call saying a dog was found hit by a car and to bring the owner. My heart cracked. Something left me that moment. I'm lessoned. Not figuratively either. I'm so weak. I identified her and she wagged her tail twice. I thought, "this is great!". She just looked at me with eyes of sorrow. She seemed so sore and not herself. We transported 30 min. away because our society hasn't woken up in about 20 years to realize, hmmm, 80% of human beings own pets. Let's set up a state run, mandatory pet insurance that charges ONLY to sustain itself. I live in Canada. Why aren't surgeons on call at the ready? We wouldn't accept this for children but since dogs have a lessor life expectancy we accept it for dogs???? It should INCREASE our sense of urgency if anything. (I had insurance and it was the second best one but it was useless. I would have had to pay $10,000 upfront and that was just for her shattered hips) Anyway, we live in a world that wants all kinds of background checks for a gun (I agree with somewhat) but having a child doesn't come with basic checks. Strange. Anyway, back to my baby. You see how my gamut of emotions is a mess. Sorry. Thanks for listening. So we drive 30 min away and although the driver was decent he didn't avoid bumps too much and seemed strange that he didn't push the issue at a yellow light without other traffic around. We took Mira out and he put gloves on and told me to help carry her. Is he nuts I thought? I, in great horror, said, "so we're taking her out of the cage???" He said yes. I replied by for fully asserting it would be better not to disrupt any potential internal injuries by leaving her flat in the cage on a stiff board. OMG I can't believe I'm writing my dogs final night. I am so overcome with dread. I'm just dead inside. I'm aching. My soul is in pieces. Baby Mira had a lot to live for. Anyway, she was given three sets of painkillers and, I was notified I needed to pay $200 before they took x-rays. I was transported to the hospital with a flashlight and her leash. I had no wallet on me. They will NOT operate until payment is made. SICKENING!!!!!! Again, who the heck is running the asylum? What a world. We wouldn't accept this treatment for kids but hey, a pet? Well, they just walk, talk, poop and pee. Jerks. So my parents rushed home from their vacation thinking Mira had a broken leg or something. They too didn't know they were saying goodbye to their angel. Although they didn't live with her they developed a tight bond which delighted me beyond comprehension. I loved how they took to her.
Anyway my parents paid and the X-Rays were taken. 30 more minutes passed and I asked for a bathroom. The Veterinarian showed me where it was and revealed the terrible results after I was through. I'm losing my nerve to write so I will quickly say that Mora took her last breath into my mouth and we had to say goodbye to her. I love her soooooo much and I'm slowly dying inside. Thank you sooooo much to anyone who responds. Each response helps mightily. Peace and love.

[Monique]

Oh My God... I could barely read the words of your second entry. My mind and heart racing. This cannot be true! Another silent scream (if you click on my name, you will see my posts,... MacKenzie,... a silent scream for all time...). I am so, SO dreadfully sorry about your loss. Words fail me here... Writing with tear-filled eyes. Know that you have landed in the right place and forum to help you. I happened on this site after yet another loss, a very emotionally violent one (MacKenzie), and in my struggles to stay alive, I searched once again on pet loss and landed here. Everyone on this site has dealt, is dealing, or will deal with the loss of a beloved peep. Loss here covers the gamut, from "it's time and painful" to screaming agony. Moon_beam is here for everyone all the time. She will never leave your side. Others will join. You can see the number of visits to your post. Not everyone can or is able to write depending on the station of his/her grief. Trust that anyone who stops in understands and cries with you. Many on this site have been here for years. There is a kinship that transcends distance and our walks in life.

Read my entry from Christine Kane when you are able. It is the singularly most succinct and healing writing on pet loss. It brings it all home for me in very simple terms. The comments are equally healing and reassuring.

Know that all the way in Alabama (where I live), I am holding your heart and soul, sharing your pain, sending you healing light.

You are not alone.