Feeling Devastated Options

[Princessmommy]

Hello Everyone I'm new to this website and I recently lost my baby girl kitten princess on (June 16, 2014) due to a car hitting her. I still remember like it was yesterday that she was brought into my life princess was a street kitten I actually saved her from my neighbors dog when he was trying to attack her. This dog was attacking her bad so my heart was hurting that I decided to get her out. Well that very instant that princess was in my arms she brought a lot of joy into my whole life. I still remember that it was in winter time and since I live with my mother I didn't know if she wanted me to keep her in the house or not. So We had to leave the poor thing outside in the cold in order to ask permission. I did made sure that she was warm in a blanket before I left her outside. Then in the very morning without me telling my mother her heart completely melted as soon as she saw my baby princess out in the back porch. She immediately carry her into her arms and brought her inside an thats when the whole story started with my baby princess. We began to care for her because she was seriously hurt because of that dog biting her. Every day we feed her bath her and gave her all the love anyone could give a beautiful baby calico kitten like she was. before princess arrive into my life I never knew I was a pet lover an how much love a pet could bring to someone's life. Day by day my love began to grow for my princess and I was practically her mommy, her legal guardian because she was always by my side. She was a very cuddling kitty that also loved to play with all my kids. she was never a cruel animal like most of them are. She was always whiling to give all from her to my whole family. Until that horrible accident happen on June 16, 2014. That day I was not home an this happen at night when I return home I couldn't believe my eyes I still remember I didn't park my car right and immediately rush out of my car running because I saw a cat in the middle of the road not wanting to believe it was my princess. As soon as I approach her I immediately let out a huge scream it was my baby princess the one lying there with one of her eyes pop out sad.gif I immediately broke down into tears pick her up hold her in my arms wishing that she was not dead and still alive. I began to scream please princess please come back to me baby girl Please tell me that this is all a dream that you are still with me. But She was not moving or doing anything at that very moment I didn't want to leave her sight or have anyone take her from me.

But apparently my husband took her from me and I was screaming and saying noooo!!! you cannot be gone princess at that very moment I didn't know how to react I was in a complete shock just by looking at my baby girl with one of her eyes pop out. It was one of the most horrible things I could ever experience in my whole life not even a human being hurt me as much as my princess did. Now I blame myself how can I didn't do anything to save my girl by taking her to a vet to have her check. Maybe if I took her She would of still be alive by now, but at that very instant I didn't know what to do but break down into tears and until this day even though it been 3 months since I lost her. I can't find peace or comfort that she is no longer with me. My family doesn't care of what I'm feeling now not even my husband. I'm completely alone in my grief process I feel so lonely that ever since that happen to my girl I been trying to reach out for help but unfortunately I been unsuccessful. I don't know what to do or who to turn to in order to help me with this healing process this whole experience I'm facing right now is causing me a lot of stress in my personal life. I have no friends to even talk to or just to say hey how you are doing today. I'm just so depress I wish my family was able to understand how much I'm hurting right now. All they say is hurtful things and tell me you are over reacting she was just a cat sooner or later you will buy another one. How can they say that she was not just an animal she was my baby my best friend my everything and I can't seem to live without her. I'm going crazy right now I'm even seeing my girl everywhere I go her scratches in the door, meows, her little face in my room, I even feel a presence trying to get in top of my bed in the middle of the night. I'm so miserable right now that nothing seems the same I'm even losing desire of the things I just to enjoy before help!!! The reason I decided to join this website is because I saw the word pet loss and I immediately thought that maybe in this place I was able to receive some kind of guidance or support in helping me with this loss I'm going through right now. I'm not sure if others are experiencing the same loss like me, but if you guys are I'm so sorry my heart goes out to each and everyone of us who are going through a loss or had one before. I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post my story if not let me know where I'm able to post it so that people are able to read it and provide me with at least some feedback. I can't take this pressure pain anymore I need some help from anyone in here in how to feel better an what to do when this type of things happen. thanks for reading sad

I will like to share a picture of my princess so that everyone is able to meet her I hope I uploaded right and everyone is able to see it. if not let me know thanks everyone.

Sincerely,

Mayra

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[Princessmommy]

Monique,

I didn't mean to offend anyone with my words of what I said, but I couldn't help saying it because it's true. I completely agree with what you said of people in here still hurting and most of them just don't have words to say to others when their grief is still new like ours. And maybe you are right that is what is happening but I just see so many views in my postings that I always wonder are those people who are viewing my words even caring of what I'm saying? Or they just read just for fun and not caring any less of what that person is going through. I think I'm just the type of person that will love to have more support from people and seeing that one a few of you are caring makes me a bit sad. I'm just feeling this way because I'm going through a tremendous major depression that is making me so sensitive that even the most small thing I see is making me feel like I'm hopeless. But I didn't mind to offend anyone and I think is anyone is decision either to respond to whatever they want without being force to do so my apologies Monique I'm just trying to fit in right now because I feel completely alone at this time I'm also going through a lot of personal issues right now that even my health is not doing so well. The reason I came to this website is to see if I was able to receive some type of support and I do see that at least some of you are trying to make me feel better and I really appreciated. I thank you for all the wonderful words that you been giving me since the first day I been here I have seen base on your profile that you are still kind of new yourself but you have a few weeks more than me. I been reading your replies an I'm so sorry I haven't been able to reply sooner but I'm just feeling so down right that I hardly have desire for anything. Even writing in here hurts me and it makes me so depress that I'm not sure why. But What helps me a little bit are your words and the words from Moon beam who has been so nice of providing me with comfort words since the first day I been here. I'm also very sorry for your losses that you are experiencing right now I bet you are feeling almost the same as me, but most of us grief different than others. I'm so sorry that I'm unable to provide you with some comfort words at this time, but I'm not feeling well and I really wish I was able to support you in a way that you desire you are just a very helpful person as Moon beam has also been. God bless both of you for your kind hearts and wonderful words that you have been providing me since day 1

[Monique]

Hi,

I was not the least bit offended, just offering you an explanation as to the behaviors of others, esp. during times of extreme pain. I have dealt with severe losses for many years. Each time I find myself back on the research trail for information on how to deal with pet loss. It is still largely not accepted that animals are worthy of love and grief due to love that can and does even exceed love and grief we feel for our own kind. The love we get from a furred or feathered companion is truly of the purest kind. And the loss is therefore severe. So, through the loss of MacKenzie, I happened upon this site. What is different here from other forums, is that there are long-standing members. Many have formed friendships. All started as strangers with a common goal: to find relief and kinship for our loss or losses.

I did go to a counselor who was reputed to be versed in trauma and grief counseling. I derived little benefit. She was a wonderful and kind-hearted person, but perhaps I was not ready for this kind of grief channeling. One thing she did tell me that I hear in my head often. I was recounting my many losses and she said that we have to remember that a life on earth is comprised of millions upon millions of moments. When a beloved companion dies, that is one, only one, moment of that companion's life with us. The idea is to assign equal weight to these moments. So, out of the 6 months you had your beloved little friend, there were literally millions of little snapshots that defined her existence with you on earth. Right now, the last moment has a tremendously heavy weight, and a negative one at that, a moment that is taking through so, so many negative emotions, esp. the guilt, about what you felt like you should have done. And all the "if only's"... I cannot recount a loss where I did not travel through this guilt phase, and repeat it many times over. Depending on the circumstances, the guilt can be severe and persistent, or momentary. Regardless, I suffer through guilt each and every time. The heavy weight to this last moment is simple: we don't want to be without our beloved peep!

I wish you had like-minded people around you who would envelope you in kindness and hugs. It is truly their loss that they are oblivious to the purest of love there is, the unconditional love an animal gives. You, like the rest of us animal lovers, are really honored to experience this while here on earth. One of the reasons it hurts so much when a beloved companion animal leaves, is the void from their absence. Their physical absence. Love never dies. It is ready to walk through another door. You have to be ready to receive it. And therein lies the challenge. From my years and years of dealing with this, I can guarantee you that your little princess is with you. Her little spirit will always be with you. When you are ready to receive this unconditional love again, it will walk through this door.

Right now, you are processing the passing of your little angel, both in spiritual and physical form. The tears we shed are really a way to give honor to that life. That precious life mattered and deserves due attention in traveling to the next dimension.

I also see where your post has garnered quite a few visits. I guarantee that those reading care. People do not come to this site to joust and make fun. People spend time here because they need support and answers. And everyone is different in how they process.

I have been gravely disappointed in my so-called local friends. I have shut numerous doors. I will not foster these kinds of relationships. They are damaging to my soul and psyche. Sometimes all I have available is this site. Sometimes I just click on it and don't read anything. Just check the latest to be sure the posts I visit, like this one, are still active. To see that moon_beam has been here, as she is every day, gives me comfort. I read a lot of her responses to other posts. They are all helpful to me. There are no other forums I have found where there is a moderator like moon_beam. She is also a therapist. So wise and reassuring. You can count on her. One true supporter can be better that a slew of people. Moon_beam establishes herself as someone you can count on to come back time and again. Many others may leave a post and not return. The key, for me, in healing is consistency in support, not the lone or solo hit, if you will.

xo