Pregnant & Grieving My Pug's Passing Options

[erinpuglover]

My sweet Winnie girl lost her battle with Cancer on Saturday night at 9:30pm. Her decline was quick, it only took a week and she stopped eating and was frighteningly thin. She was only 7 1/2 years old. I am so grateful she waited for us to come home. As soon as I saw her I looked at my husband and I knew it was time. I scooped her up in my arms, sat on the floor of our bedroom and waited with her. We told her how much we loved her and that she didn't have to hold on anymore for us. We prayed that God would take her when it was time, because neither of us were sure we would have had the strength to make the decision to put her down. About 10 minutes after we prayed over her (something I have not done in years), I cupped her face and looked into her eyes one last time and that is when she left us. We held on to her as she made her transition to the other side.

It's Tuesday (so I'm told) and the pain is still so deep. I keep thinking I see her little body wiggling under our covers, and I have to stop myself every time I walk into the house and I want to call out 'Winnie Girl!". I can't bear to move her little bed from the living room, or put her basket of toys away. I have found myself talking out loud to her when I'm alone in my home. I'm sadder than I knew I could be. I wish there was a way for her, for me, to know that we did everything we could and that we didn't miss something that could have saved her. We had been at the vet 3 or 4 times that week, tried all different medications, herbs and IV treatments. My biggest wish is that she feels like we did everything we could to take care of her and save her.

I'm also 8 month pregnant and feeling guilt about the sadness I'm experiencing and the effects on my baby. We had so many pictures of what our life would look like with Winnie and our new baby girl. We talked all the time about how lucky we were to have such an amazing big sister to our baby already. Winnie adored children and we were so looking forward to Winnie being able to meet her.

The part I've been afraid to say out loud is that inside of all my grief around my pug girl Winnie, I've found it difficult to be excited about the baby the last few days. I'm so sad about Winnie, that I don't know how to move through it so I can remember the blessing I have that's arriving so soon.

[erinpuglover]

Thank you moon_beam and monique. It's so nice to feel heard and acknowledged without any judgement here. I'm so grateful for these boars in those moments I need a little extra support, time to process or just time to remember.

Feeling sentimental, so I wanted to share another photo of winnie. I love this one because she looks so happy - it's just the pug's nature to always look sad with that drawn out face But we love this one because she looks so happy. She's with our 8 chickens. She was very hesitant to interact with them at first, but in no time she and the chickens started getting along so well. One of our chickens (kirk) would always approach Winnie and peck endlessly on her name tag. Winnie didn't mind, she would just sit and let her do it. Her name tag is now on my key chain so that I can have a piece of her with me always.

I did see the animal communicator/spiritual advisor and found her to be so helpful. We talked about Winnie and she picked up right away on what caused our girls quick decline and re assured me that there was nothing more we could have done; that the cancer was just too strong. She did remind me though that through our life we have pets that are different than the rest, one's we connect with on a deeper level. Winnie was that pet for me. She let me know that these pets always come back to us in another form, and while it's not necessarily immediate, in the meantime their spirit remains with us.

Monique, I'm so sad to hear of Tabitha's passing so shortly after MacKenzie. Time truly feels non existent in so many ways during this process. Hoping that you're taking care of yourself through the grieving.