Pregnant & Grieving My Pug's Passing Options

[erinpuglover]

My sweet Winnie girl lost her battle with Cancer on Saturday night at 9:30pm. Her decline was quick, it only took a week and she stopped eating and was frighteningly thin. She was only 7 1/2 years old. I am so grateful she waited for us to come home. As soon as I saw her I looked at my husband and I knew it was time. I scooped her up in my arms, sat on the floor of our bedroom and waited with her. We told her how much we loved her and that she didn't have to hold on anymore for us. We prayed that God would take her when it was time, because neither of us were sure we would have had the strength to make the decision to put her down. About 10 minutes after we prayed over her (something I have not done in years), I cupped her face and looked into her eyes one last time and that is when she left us. We held on to her as she made her transition to the other side.

It's Tuesday (so I'm told) and the pain is still so deep. I keep thinking I see her little body wiggling under our covers, and I have to stop myself every time I walk into the house and I want to call out 'Winnie Girl!". I can't bear to move her little bed from the living room, or put her basket of toys away. I have found myself talking out loud to her when I'm alone in my home. I'm sadder than I knew I could be. I wish there was a way for her, for me, to know that we did everything we could and that we didn't miss something that could have saved her. We had been at the vet 3 or 4 times that week, tried all different medications, herbs and IV treatments. My biggest wish is that she feels like we did everything we could to take care of her and save her.

I'm also 8 month pregnant and feeling guilt about the sadness I'm experiencing and the effects on my baby. We had so many pictures of what our life would look like with Winnie and our new baby girl. We talked all the time about how lucky we were to have such an amazing big sister to our baby already. Winnie adored children and we were so looking forward to Winnie being able to meet her.

The part I've been afraid to say out loud is that inside of all my grief around my pug girl Winnie, I've found it difficult to be excited about the baby the last few days. I'm so sad about Winnie, that I don't know how to move through it so I can remember the blessing I have that's arriving so soon.

[moon_beam]

Hi, erin, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for the precious picture of your beloved Winnie.

Scientifc studies prove that every living being has an "energy", and that each member of the "unit" thrives on the "energy" from within the "unit." When a member's "energy" is no longer present for whatever reason, the "unit" then experiences a process of "re-establishing" the "unit" and the "energy" levels of the remaining members. So what you and your husband are experiencing is very normal when you share with us: "Mornings are hard, because our routine has changed. The strangest part is how lonely it is. She was always my companion while I worked at home, and the third in our little family. I love my husband, don't get me wrong, it's just so odd for the dynamic to change so suddenly." It can also feel as though the house structure itself is grieving the physical absence of your beloved Winnie.

I know you and your husband are eagerly anticipating the arrival of your baby girl in September -- even though your hearts are heavy with sorrow that your beloved Winnie is not physically present with you. One of the many things for you to remember is that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you again so much for sharing with us this wonderful picture of your beloved Wiinnie. I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, erin, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessing with your beloved Winnie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, erin, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam