Hold On To The Love Options

[jaspersmom]

My sweet Jasper,
It's been five months ... yet you have never left my heart. I had no idea that my heart could hold such joy and happiness in finding you seven years ago, and I had no idea that my heart could hold such pain and heartache in losing you five months ago. I will never ever forget walking out of that animal hospital with your carrier, with you not in it, never have I felt so alone, shattered, and broken. I will never forget several days later, walking out of that animal hospital with that small wooden box with your ashes in it, such raw and searing grief I felt in knowing that you were not coming back home to me, but also feeling just the tiniest bit of relief and comfort that somehow, someway, your sweet spirit was back with me. It took every bit of strength in me to go there and walk back through those doors that day, and it just felt so wrong that others were coming out of there with their pets so full of life, and here you were, my big beautiful vibrant boy, in this little wooden box ... never have I felt such complete and utter devastation.

I have tried so hard to be strong for your brother Jingles, and I have been giving him all of the love and care he so deserves, but I still can see the sadness in his eyes, he misses you and he just can't understand why you aren't here with us, he just can't understand where his best friend is. He has really helped to keep me going, not sure I would have even made it this far without him. So many times I felt like just giving up, but then I would see him just sitting by the door and waiting for you, it would just break my heart. So then I would scoop him up in my arms and tell him how very much I loved him, and that we were going to make it through this together. Remember how I used to always call us the three musketeers, well one of us is missing, and we feel it every single day. Sometimes when I leave for work in the morning and I am almost out the door, I will come back in and give him a second hug, just because, you never know. I tell all my friends and family that we need to cherish every moment, and we need to love you while we have you, because, you just never know, and tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

Thank you for trying so very hard to stay here with me, and I hope that you know I would have moved heaven and earth to save you, we both tried so hard, didn't we ... but I think that maybe the angels really needed you up there, you always had such a loving and gentle spirit, you are so very very special, and they must have seen that too, but sometimes I just feel like calling out to the heavens to please give you back, I just want you back so badly. I miss you so much my sweet baby, not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts, and my world will never be the same without you. Sometimes I wish that this dull ache in my heart would just go away, but I suppose the only way that would ever happen is if I never even knew you, and you know I wouldn't trade even one single precious moment we had together. I will see you again my beautiful kitty, and I just can't wait for that wonderful day when our eyes meet again, and you run up to meet me, and I will run to you like I've never ever run before, and we will never be separated again. Hold onto our love like a little light my sweet boy, love never dies, and we will find each other again, mommy loves you always and forever...

[moon_beam]

Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so much for sharing with us your heart-filled beautiful love letter to your beloved Jasper, and your and your beloved Jasper's 5 month angel-versary. Indeed, no matter how much time passes in our continued earthly journey our beloved companions will always have their special place in our hearts and memories, and even though eventually the intense sorrow eases there will always be an awareness that our earthly journey with them is never long enough for we will always long to share just one more minute, one more hour, one more day, one more lifetime with them, and hold them in our arms "just one more time".

Your precious Jingles is so blessed to have you for his Forever Mom to comfort him, as he comforts you, in your shared sorrow of your beloved Jasper. It is times like these that do bring a heightened awareness of just how fragile this earthly journey is, and you are so wise as you share your thoughts with us: "Sometimes when I leave for work in the morning and I am almost out the door, I will come back in and give him a second hug, just because, you never know. I tell all my friends and family that we need to cherish every moment, and we need to love you while we have you, because, you just never know, and tomorrow is not promised to anyone."

I hope today is treating you, your precious Jingles, and all your family kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam