Overwhelmed With Sadness Options

[MissYouSheba]

Hi everyone

I lost my special friend Sheba on Wednesday. She was 11 years old and given to me as a kitten. She has been with me through university, my first job, boyfriends, breakups, my marriage, my first born child. She was there for all those big milestones and I am devastated that she is gone.

A few weeks ago she started getting diarrhoea and slowly started going off her food. We took her to the vet and were told she had liver inflammation and she was admitted for a few days and came home. My husband and I were nursing her at home and she seemed better for the first few days then started getting very weak and could barely walk. We took her to the vet again where they found an abdominal mass and we consented for her to have a laparotomy to see if it was an operable mass.

She had the operation on Wednesday and I got the dreaded call while I was at work. They found a large tumour coming from her intestine which was blocking her gall bladder and were unfortunately unable to do anything. She was put to sleep on the table

We buried her yesterday in my in laws garden in her favourite blanket and planted some geraniums on her grave. I am crippled with grief and am very tearful. I threw her littler box away this morning and was bawling like a baby.

I just miss her so much

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[moon_beam]

Hi, MissYouSheba, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal during this deep grief journey when you share with us: "I'm struggling with feelings of guilt. When my son was born, I didn't spend much time with her as I used to. It was only when I realised how ill she was that I realise how much I loved her." Unfortunately feelings of guilt / remorse are a part of this grief adjustment journey, and are the harder of the grief emotions to reconcile because they come from looking back and trying to reconcile the "whys" "what ifs" and "if onlys" that torture our hearts and minds when they are at their most vulnerable. Please know that your beloved Sheba NEVER felt neglected - - she truly understood the huge adjustment you were experiencing in the care of your son. She ALWAYS KNEW, as she knows NOW, that you love her with all your heart, and is eternally grateful to having you for her Forever Mom. Hopefully as your deep grief eases you will come to find peace in your heart that this is TRUE so that you can focus on the many treasured memories you and your beloved Sheba share.

Right now each minute of every hour of every day can feel like a piercing sword in your heart with the continual reminders that your beloved Sheba is no longer physically with you. I hope and pray that when you come here to this forum you are finding comfort, support, encouragement, and hope that eventually your deep grief and the searing pain of sorrow will ease.

I hope today is treating you kindly, MissYouSheba, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sheba's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts ad prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam