So Small, So Sweet, So Soon Options

[jaspersmom]

I can't believe that it has been only 11 days since I said goodbye to my beloved cat Jasper, it feels like so much longer, the days and nights go by so slowly without him here. I feel as though I am just going through the motions, putting one foot in front of the other, and it really does seem sometimes as though all of the color has gone out of my world. Yesterday it snowed, and I remember how he used to love to sit on the windowsill and watch the flakes fall, many times he would reach out his little paw and rest it on my arm, just to be connected to me, oh how I miss that. I still can't believe that he is not here, taken from me at such a young age. I just keep thinking about how young and healthy he was, how there was no time to prepare, how there was no time to say goodbye. It is just so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that he is no longer here with me in this physical realm, and the suddeness of it all is still so hard to deal with it. I have read about the stages of grief and I seem to go from one to the other in such random order, not sure which one I am in now, but it doesn't really matter, all I know is that it hurts, but I have learned from moon_beam's insightful words that our grief is very individual and can never be clinically categorized, it is such a personal journey, and there are no limits of time or depth of feeling to this journey. There have been times lately when I have thought of my sweet Jasper, and intermixed with the sadness and tears is a bit of a smile, so maybe the healing of my heart is beginning, I sure hope so. I know he would not want to see me so sad and I do want to one day be able to embrace the joy and love he gave me and still gives me, but I know this is going to take some time. I so miss awakening to those sweet little meows in the morning and that dear little paw on my shoulder, I don't like this new normal, it will never be normal without him.

[moon_beam]

Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. As I read through your words I can feel the deep sorrow and pain in your heart, and I am sharing it with you.

Indeed, particularly during the deep grief it does feel like we are on a "slippery slope" of progress, and it feels like there is nothing solid to hold onto from one day to the next. Everything feels different and uncertain, and we wonder however on earth we are going to make it through the journey. By ourselves we cannot endure the journey - - the intense searing pain during the deep grief, and the many ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds that lurk in the unknown paths. Together we find the strength and courage to forge forward knowing we are surrounded by others who are there with us, for us, and beside us through every step until we are able to feel stronger in our path. Although the deep sorrow does ease, there will be times - - even 20 years down the road - - when you will be thinking of your beloved Jasper and you may feel a mist come to your eyes and an ache to your heart because you still miss his sweet precious physical presence. But the GOOD NEWS is that these moments will not feel like they are swallowing you alive - - drowning you in a "perfect storm" of deep grief. Instead you will find yourself smiling through the mist in your eyes and feeling a warm embrace surround you - - the warmth of the eternal love you and your beloved Jasper share. NOTHING in heaven or on earth can ever take this away from you, jaspersmom -- for love is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space.

I also share your heartache about losing your beloved Jasper at a young and tender age. In December 2006 my beloved number one kitty son Eli - - who was the best big adopted brother to my precious Noah - - joined the angels at 6 years of age due to end stage Lymphoma, and in March 2010 my beloved beautiful baby kitty girl Abbygayle (my sweet Noah's sibling sister) joined the angels at 6 years of age due to end stage Fibrosarcoma. My precious little Noah's heart grieved deeply for his big adopted kitty brother, as well as for his beautiful baby sister to whom he was her caregiver all through their life together. Even now there are times when my precious Noah will look out the big windows with an expression on his face that I know he is remembering the times he explored his yard with Eil and Abbygayle. I share his memories with my precious Noah, and tell him every day how proud of him I am for being the best kitty brother to Eli and Abbygayle. It is a hard adjustment -- even now - - losing my beloved Eli and Abbygayle at such young and tender ages. But I am thankful they are not suffering in their physical bodies, and it brings me great comfort in knowing they are now restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels. My precious Noah will be 11 years old next month - - no matter how much time we have with our companions during their earthly journey it will NEVER be long enough, for we will ALWAYS want just one more minute, one more hour, one more day - - one more lifetime with them.

I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey, jaspersmom. I hope you will find some comfort and reassurance in knowing each of us are here for you.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Jingles kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Jingles are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[jaspersmom]

Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. As I read through your words I can feel the deep sorrow and pain in your heart, and I am sharing it with you.

Indeed, particularly during the deep grief it does feel like we are on a "slippery slope" of progress, and it feels like there is nothing solid to hold onto from one day to the next. Everything feels different and uncertain, and we wonder however on earth we are going to make it through the journey. By ourselves we cannot endure the journey - - the intense searing pain during the deep grief, and the many ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds that lurk in the unknown paths. Together we find the strength and courage to forge forward knowing we are surrounded by others who are there with us, for us, and beside us through every step until we are able to feel stronger in our path. Although the deep sorrow does ease, there will be times - - even 20 years down the road - - when you will be thinking of your beloved Jasper and you may feel a mist come to your eyes and an ache to your heart because you still miss his sweet precious physical presence. But the GOOD NEWS is that these moments will not feel like they are swallowing you alive - - drowning you in a "perfect storm" of deep grief. Instead you will find yourself smiling through the mist in your eyes and feeling a warm embrace surround you - - the warmth of the eternal love you and your beloved Jasper share. NOTHING in heaven or on earth can ever take this away from you, jaspersmom -- for love is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space.

I also share your heartache about losing your beloved Jasper at a young and tender age. In December 2006 my beloved number one kitty son Eli - - who was the best big adopted brother to my precious Noah - - joined the angels at 6 years of age due to end stage Lymphoma, and in March 2010 my beloved beautiful baby kitty girl Abbygayle (my sweet Noah's sibling sister) joined the angels at 6 years of age due to end stage Fibrosarcoma. My precious little Noah's heart grieved deeply for his big adopted kitty brother, as well as for his beautiful baby sister to whom he was her caregiver all through their life together. Even now there are times when my precious Noah will look out the big windows with an expression on his face that I know he is remembering the times he explored his yard with Eil and Abbygayle. I share his memories with my precious Noah, and tell him every day how proud of him I am for being the best kitty brother to Eli and Abbygayle. It is a hard adjustment -- even now - - losing my beloved Eli and Abbygayle at such young and tender ages. But I am thankful they are not suffering in their physical bodies, and it brings me great comfort in knowing they are now restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels. My precious Noah will be 11 years old next month - - no matter how much time we have with our companions during their earthly journey it will NEVER be long enough, for we will ALWAYS want just one more minute, one more hour, one more day - - one more lifetime with them.

I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey, jaspersmom. I hope you will find some comfort and reassurance in knowing each of us are here for you.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Jingles kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Jingles are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so very much moon_beam for your wise and wonderful words which always seem to help ease my sadness. Your kindness and compassion at what I and so many others on this forum are going through is truly beyond words, and I am so very thankful that I found this site. I remember at the very beginning after losing my Jasper, I used to dread coming home, the loneliness and emptiness of this house without my boy here just seemed to emanate from every corner, and it was so very hard. When I was fortunate enough to find Lightning Strike, coming home was not quite as difficult as it had been before, just knowing that there was a place I could go to was such a refuge from the storm. I could come here and read all the stories of those going through such similar heartache, I could write about my dear Jasper, and literally pour my heart out to let everyone know how special he was to me, and then of course reading your posts gave me a depth of perception that I had not had before. I remember when those last few devastating moments of Jasper's life kept replaying in my mind over and over again, and you wrote how every time that happened to divert my thoughts to something pleasant, well that was the beginning of such healing for me, to finally be able to stop that broken reccord playing, and to finally be able to move out of that awful place I had been stuck in for what seemed like forever.

That must have been so very hard for you to lose your precious Eli and Abbygayle at such a young age, and yes you truly do understand how I feel about missing out on so much time with our sweet little ones, and you are so right that no matter how many days or years we have with them here on earth, that it would never be enough, and that we would always want more. That is so sweet how you tell your dear Noah how proud you are of him for being such a wonderful kitty brother to Eli and Abbygale, how very special that is. Your three kitties are so fortunate to have had someone like you who always put their needs first above anything else, and loved them so very much, and although you have been through such deep losses yourself, you still have so much compassion and kindness to give to all of us to help us through our struggles.

Jingles and I have reconnected like never before, he used to be somewhat aloof and off to himself, now he wants to be with me and close to me all of the time, and I love that, and it just warms my heart. When I come home from work, he almost runs to meet me, and I can just see the spark coming back in his eyes, he is so happy his mama is home. He needed me so much after losing his best friend, and I needed him, he kept me going in so many ways. You wrote about even now how your sweet Noah looks out of the window, and you can tell that he is remembering his times with Eli and Abbygale. I see that in Jingles sometimes, he will look around toward the bedroom kind of puzzled when I feed him now, as if he is thinking, where are you Jasper, it's time to eat. They never forget, do they, they miss them just as much as we do. Jingles and I have been through so much together, but this was by far the very saddest and the very hardest, but I have to thank God every day that we had each other to lean on.

Thank you again moon_beam for your kindness and encouragement, and for keeping Jingles and myself in your thoughts and prayers. You have such a gift for helping those of us who are hurting so very badly, who don't even think we can go on one more day, to keep going with hope in our heart. You always let us know that no matter how broken or shattered, that one day we will be able to pick up those broken pieces and heal, and that the joy will one day come back into our lives. I am so very thankful that in this big old world of ours, that somehow, someway, fate saw to it that Jasper and I found each other, and that we were truly meant to be, and the seven beautiful and precious years we had together filled with such love, so far transcend the sadness of our goodbye.