So Small, So Sweet, So Soon Options

[jaspersmom]

I can't believe that it has been only 11 days since I said goodbye to my beloved cat Jasper, it feels like so much longer, the days and nights go by so slowly without him here. I feel as though I am just going through the motions, putting one foot in front of the other, and it really does seem sometimes as though all of the color has gone out of my world. Yesterday it snowed, and I remember how he used to love to sit on the windowsill and watch the flakes fall, many times he would reach out his little paw and rest it on my arm, just to be connected to me, oh how I miss that. I still can't believe that he is not here, taken from me at such a young age. I just keep thinking about how young and healthy he was, how there was no time to prepare, how there was no time to say goodbye. It is just so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that he is no longer here with me in this physical realm, and the suddeness of it all is still so hard to deal with it. I have read about the stages of grief and I seem to go from one to the other in such random order, not sure which one I am in now, but it doesn't really matter, all I know is that it hurts, but I have learned from moon_beam's insightful words that our grief is very individual and can never be clinically categorized, it is such a personal journey, and there are no limits of time or depth of feeling to this journey. There have been times lately when I have thought of my sweet Jasper, and intermixed with the sadness and tears is a bit of a smile, so maybe the healing of my heart is beginning, I sure hope so. I know he would not want to see me so sad and I do want to one day be able to embrace the joy and love he gave me and still gives me, but I know this is going to take some time. I so miss awakening to those sweet little meows in the morning and that dear little paw on my shoulder, I don't like this new normal, it will never be normal without him.

[moon_beam]

Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doiing. Indeed, when our hearts are in deep grief we measure time by the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months that our beloved companion joined the angels. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal sorrow - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. NOTHING feels the same - - because nothing is the same now. When you embraced your beloved Jasper into your heart and home, your life changed for the better. And now your life has changed again enduring the painful process of adjusting your daily routines of no longer having his sweet precious physical presence with you.

But as you are finding out, your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit continues to let you know he is always with you - - as your precious Jingles alerted you last night. I hope when your beloved Jasper lets you know his sweet Living Spirit is close to you that this will bring comfort to you - - for he truly is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, jaspersmom - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Thank you also for sharing this beautiful poem with us. Although our earthly journey changes when our beloved companions precede us to the angels, we endure with the hope and promise that our physical separation is only temporary - - yes, longer than what our hearts want particularly during the deep grief - - but looking forward to the moment when it is our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. In the meantime we continue with our earthly journey in a way that will honor their eternal love for us.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Jingles kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Jingles are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[jaspersmom]

Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doiing. Indeed, when our hearts are in deep grief we measure time by the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months that our beloved companion joined the angels. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal sorrow - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. NOTHING feels the same - - because nothing is the same now. When you embraced your beloved Jasper into your heart and home, your life changed for the better. And now your life has changed again enduring the painful process of adjusting your daily routines of no longer having his sweet precious physical presence with you.

But as you are finding out, your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit continues to let you know he is always with you - - as your precious Jingles alerted you last night. I hope when your beloved Jasper lets you know his sweet Living Spirit is close to you that this will bring comfort to you - - for he truly is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, jaspersmom - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Thank you also for sharing this beautiful poem with us. Although our earthly journey changes when our beloved companions precede us to the angels, we endure with the hope and promise that our physical separation is only temporary - - yes, longer than what our hearts want particularly during the deep grief - - but looking forward to the moment when it is our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. In the meantime we continue with our earthly journey in a way that will honor their eternal love for us.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Jingles kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Jingles are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello moon_beam, I want to thank you so very much for your beautiful words and posts that are truly helping me so much after having to say goodbye to my sweet Jasper. I am entering into my third week now, and I have read several posts about how the third week seems especially difficult for some, well this holds true in my case. I feel as though a part of me is missing, a very precious piece of my life and heart is not here, and I just don't want to see these pics of Jasper and I in happy times, I don't want to have these these bittersweet memories, I want him back, here with me, not in a little brown box with his name imprinted in gold on it. I found his little black collar with the bell on it yesterday, and seeing it and hearing the jingling just made my heart break all over again, he was so active and always up to something, I knew I could always find him and keep him safe from harm with that little bell, well at least I thought so.

I find myself thinking I am doing better and moving through this, then something happens that brings me right back to square one again. Yesterday at the pet store where I work, I was doing pretty well, holding it together, when all of a sudden I look up, and who is coming through my line, well it turned out it was Jasper's doctor and it was just so surreal. She has always been my favorite veterinarian, and I have always brought my two kitties to her, and she helped Jingles so much when he was having an issue years before. Well needless to say, it was very awkward, but I did not want her to feel uncomfortable, so I spoke from my heart and told her that I wanted to thank her and her staff for being so kind to me that terrible evening, and how much that meant to me, and she told me how very sorry she was, and how she knew how difficult this was for me. It just brought everything flooding back again, those heartbreaking last few days of his illness and those last devastating moments when I had to let him go, and I am not sure if I will ever be able to go back to that animal hospital or doctor in the future. I suppose I will wait and see and maybe with time it will be different, but if Jingles needs care soon, I may just find another vet, because right now, I don't think I can ever walk back through those doors again, even driving past the building is hard for me.

Thank you again moon_beam so much for listening, and for your kind and comforting replies that are really helping me to see that it won't always be like this, and that one day with time, I will be able to get beyond this sorrow. I am so thankful and feel so blessed to have found this wonderful forum, and I truly believe that God saw me going under, and he brought me here to grab onto this lifeline, and I'm holding on and not letting go. Even though losing my sweet Jasper is one of the hardest things I have ever been through, I would not trade one single precious day or moment we had together. I saw a quote the other day which really spoke to to me and the special connection my sweet boy and I had ... True love never ends, it only waits.

[jaspersmom]

[quote name='jaspersmom' date='Feb 25 2014, 03:02 PM' post='80983']
Hello moon_beam, I want to thank you so very much for your beautiful words and posts that are truly helping me so much after having to say goodbye to my sweet Jasper. I am entering into my third week now, and I have read several posts about how the third week seems especially difficult for some, well this holds true in my case. I feel as though a part of me is missing, a very precious piece of my life and heart is not here, and I just don't want to see these pics of Jasper and I in happy times, I don't want to have these these bittersweet memories, I want him back, here with me, not in a little brown box with his name imprinted in gold on it. I found his little black collar with the bell on it yesterday, and seeing it and hearing the jingling just made my heart break all over again, he was so active and always up to something, I knew I could always find him and keep him safe from harm with that little bell, well at least I thought so.

I find myself thinking I am doing better and moving through this, then something happens that brings me right back to square one again. Yesterday at the pet store where I work, I was doing pretty well, holding it together, when all of a sudden I look up, and who is coming through my line, well it turned out it was Jasper's doctor and it was just so surreal. She has always been my favorite veterinarian, and I have always brought my two kitties to her, and she helped Jingles so much when he was having an issue years before. Well needless to say, it was very awkward, but I did not want her to feel uncomfortable, so I spoke from my heart and told her that I wanted to thank her and her staff for being so kind to me that terrible evening, and how much that meant to me, and she told me how very sorry she was, and how she knew how difficult this was for me. It just brought everything flooding back again, those heartbreaking last few days of his illness and those last devastating moments when I had to let him go, and I am not sure if I will ever be able to go back to that animal hospital or doctor in the future. I suppose I will wait and see and maybe with time it will be different, but if Jingles needs care soon, I may just find another vet, because right now, I don't think I can ever walk back through those doors again, even driving past the building is hard for me.

Thank you again moon_beam so much for listening, and for your kind and comforting replies that are really helping me to see that it won't always be like this, and that one day with time, I will be able to get beyond this sorrow. I am so thankful and feel so blessed to have found this wonderful forum, and I truly believe that God saw me going under, and he brought me here to grab onto this lifeline, and I'm holding on and not letting go. Even though losing my sweet Jasper is one of the hardest things I have ever been through, I would not trade one single precious day or moment we had together. I saw a quote the other day which really spoke to to me and the special connection my sweet boy and I had ... True love never ends, it only waits.
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I was reading over some of my older posts, it seems so long ago and so far away at times, and yet at other times, it feels like only yesterday, when I recall the sad night that I lost my best friend and the light of my life, Jasper. I never ever expected to lose him so soon, I have often felt cheated out of so much time with him, and I have often expressed that view here, seven years was no where near long enough, it still feels so wrong, and I still at times want to just sink down upon my knees and ask why, why was his little life cut so short, why was he taken from me so soon.

If I had only known or had an inkling that this was going to happen, I would have spent every single moment with him, I would have pet his soft fur a hundred times a day, I would have breathed in his scent and tried to lock that into my memory forever, I would have made every single moment count. Looking back, I do believe that I was a really good mommy to him, and I also do believe with all of my heart, that he knew how very much he was loved, but I still wish I could go back, just one more day to hold him in my arms, one more day to have him reach out his sweet little paw to me, one more day to see those beautiful green eyes of his light up when I would come home from work, one more day, I suppose that is all any of us ever really hope for.

This so called grief journey can be a strange one, you take two steps forward, then one step back at times, at least that is how it has been for me. I think of mother's day coming up, that is when I got him, he was my most precious mother's day gift ever, nothing will ever surpass that magical moment when they handed him to me, and he kind of just melted right into my arms, my sweet baby knew he was home. Oh how I miss my boy, and what I would give to have him back here with me. I would have gone to the ends of the earth to save him, and I did, I tried so very hard to save him. He was such a good boy, he should still be here with me, he should still be sitting on the windowsill watching the birdies, he should still be basking in those sunbeams he loved, he was just much too young to lose his sweet life.

Jasper I miss you so very much, and not a day goes by that I don't think about you and our seven precious years together. Sometimes I will find your brother Jingles just sitting and staring at the front door, I think he still must be watching and waiting for you to come back home. Always remember what I told you on that very last day, for you to wait for me just on the other side of the rainbow, and one day we will be together again, but until then just know that I carry you in my heart every single moment of every single day, and I thank you so much for coming into my life. Sending belly rubs and blowing kisses to Heaven just for you my sweet boy.