My Beautiful Boy Is Gone Options

[Rockyboy]

Writing this with a massive void in my heart. We put my beautiful boy Rocky to sleep the night before last. It seems to be getting harder every day and I'm never going to be the same again. Words cant describe how special he was to us, here is his story:

We got Rocky when he was just a few weeks old and I was 12, my parents wouldn't allow us a dog but my brother decided to bring one home anyways and hope they changed their minds. Of course as soon as they laid eyes on him they were in love, we all were. Rocky was a German Shephard, supposedly the runt of the litter but flourished with our care. He was playful yet so gentle. You often hear about those extra special pets who are more like people than animals. Rocky was just that. He had so much personality and so many little quirks. He loved squeekie toys and large balls and would often sleep with one in his mouth. Though he was playful he was also very placid. He did not care about being the dominant dog and would let smaller dogs have the run of the house if they ever came and visited.

The vets always commented on what a special boy he was since he would put on such a brave face and never react when they gave him needles or had to do things which caused him pain. He hated the vets but seemed to be able to tell that they helped him, since he would gladly go when feeling sick. He was a very picky eater so lived on a diet of dry food and bbq chicken for most of his life.

At 12 years old, roughly one year ago, Rocky had a seizure in the middle of the night. It was the scariest night of my life since I didn't know what was going on or if he was going to make it, it seemed to last forever. Finally he snapped out of the seizure and we were able to carry and drive him over to our emergency vet. They gave him fluids and kept him there overnight and told us it could be a number of things, but there was a large chance it was a brain tumor. Sure enough an MRI revealed it was.

After lots of reflecting about what to do, we decided to try chemotherapy. We were warned that many chemo drugs could not cross the blood-brain barrier and it would buy him 6 months at best. On a steady regime of chemotherapy, cortisone and seizure control medication Rocky flourished for a full year afterwards. The cortisone did cause some muscle wastage which we tried to counteract with physiotherapy. Although he had good days and bad, and was also diagnosed with heart disease, Rocky never stopped putting on a brave face and would still have his puppy moments, doing little jumps around his squeekie toys and running through the house. I thought he would be around forever.

Four days ago I got him in the car to head to his physiotherapy session and immediately realized something was wrong, he was leaning on the seat of the car with his head slightly drooped, and then snapped out of it and kept changing positions looking anxious. I immediately cancelled the appointment and brought him back inside where he quickly went over to his bed. Over the next 30 minutes he was up and down, constantly changing positions as if he couldn't get comfortable. After a visit to the vets and an injection of pain killers we were woken up the next night to him having a seizure. He spent that night at the vets and was brought home the next day. Though happy to be home he seemed slightly confused and wasn't too interested in going for walks, his toys or attention (though he still seemed to enjoy it from my dad). We decided that we would give him a few more days and, if he still wasn't himself neurologically, possibly put him down next week. Hours after we had that discussion Rocky had yet another seizure. This one didn't seem quiet as bad though and he enjoyed a meal and drank some water afterwards. We decided that it seemed like he was just going to continue going downhill neurologically and called a mobile vet to put our precious boy to sleep at home that night.

He was excited to see the vet (who he had never met before) and tried to get up to greet him, which only broke our hearts more. Although Rocky whined a little while the catheter was going in i think, or hope, it was still peaceful and he wasn't scared. I am just haunted by thoughts of what if it wasn't the right time for him to go and he still had a few more months in him. This whole last year has been devoted to him, i did casual work to make sure there was somebody at home with him all the time, and we did physiotherapy twice a day and had lots of visits to parks around the neighborhood. I just don't know what to do now that he's gone. I miss him so much and this house feels so empty. I hope he isn't afraid if he is in doggy heaven, he was always so anxious without one of us with him. His ashes will come back in the next few days, and I don't know if it's going to help or make things worse to see them.

I love my beautiful boy so much.

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[moon_beam]

Hi, Rockyboy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and this wonderful picture of your beloved Rocky. Indeed, when our companions precede us to the angels they do take a part of our hearts with them, as they leave a part of their hearts with us. The best example I have to share is the broken heart charm - - while you are holding one half, your beloved Rocky is holding the other half. When it is your appropriate time to join him in eternal joy, your hearts will be reunited again never to be parted again.

For now he is holding the part of your heart in great joy. And although your heart knows the joy of him, right now it is immersed in deep sorrow as you travel your grief adjustment journey. But I promise you, Rockyboy, that one day very likely when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Rocky and your heart will once again feel the warmth of your beloved Rocky, and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling. This is what your beloved Rocky wants for you - - he wants you to be able to remember the many treasured memories you share together with a happy heart.

But until this time comes for you, Rockyboy, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Rockyboy, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Rocky's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Rockyboy]

Thank you Moon Beam and Sydney's mum, i spent most of yesterday numb and this morning started out the same until I got a call saying Rocky's ashes were ready to be dropped off and it brought a flood of emotion back. I can't believe my beautiful boy is dust now. I'm going to try to make my first trip out of the house since it happened to print a photo of him to put in his urn (I chose a wooden urn with a photo slot). As much as it's going to hurt to see him that way i'm glad my boy is coming home. I love you Rocky