Numb Options

[Snapdragon]

Just this Tuesday, March 11, we lost our 16-yr old cat to lung cancer. She was getting old and I knew the day was coming that I'd lose her. We had her from a baby and she was just that--my "baby." We didn't know she had lung cancer until we took her to the vet because of a cough she'd developed, but turned out to be lung cancer and the vet said she had maybe a week to live. We decided to not let her suffer and just put her to sleep then and there. I am heartbroken beyond words. At this point in time I just really wish I could die too. And I'm not a "weak" person by any means, but this really feels like more than I can handle. I honestly can't imagine how I'll ever get over her. I think of the bezillion people who have lost loved ones (people and pets) who seem to get "over" it, get on with their lives, but honestly, right now, it seems an impossibility. All I can think is that I just wish I was dead. (and no, I'm not going to kill myself--but I wish I could) I feel like I'm just walking around in a fog right now, I couldn't care less about anything. And what does make it all the worse (if that's possible) is I just feel like no one understands.

[Snapdragon]

Well, I am now in my second month of mourning Molly's passing. I feel like I would give ANYthing to have her back. Her absence has left a hole in my heart and my life. For me, although I don't feel like I'm trying to "stuff" my feelings, I do actually try not to dwell on her...when I see the chair she used to nap in, I don't allow myself to imagine her being there, I try to immediately divert my attentions to something else. To think of her all the time, to focus on her, would make it impossible. I miss her more than words can say, I miss my baby girl SOOOO much, it still hurts so, so very horribly when I do allow myself those moments to bring her to life in my mind. And I still feel like I could never, ever have another fur-friend again because the pain of their loss is torture--just so, so, SO painful. I will give money to help support other animals and take care of disadvantage animals, but I don't think I could EVER bear this kind of loss again in my lifetime.