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[Snapdragon]

Just this Tuesday, March 11, we lost our 16-yr old cat to lung cancer. She was getting old and I knew the day was coming that I'd lose her. We had her from a baby and she was just that--my "baby." We didn't know she had lung cancer until we took her to the vet because of a cough she'd developed, but turned out to be lung cancer and the vet said she had maybe a week to live. We decided to not let her suffer and just put her to sleep then and there. I am heartbroken beyond words. At this point in time I just really wish I could die too. And I'm not a "weak" person by any means, but this really feels like more than I can handle. I honestly can't imagine how I'll ever get over her. I think of the bezillion people who have lost loved ones (people and pets) who seem to get "over" it, get on with their lives, but honestly, right now, it seems an impossibility. All I can think is that I just wish I was dead. (and no, I'm not going to kill myself--but I wish I could) I feel like I'm just walking around in a fog right now, I couldn't care less about anything. And what does make it all the worse (if that's possible) is I just feel like no one understands.

[Snapdragon]

A friend had been after me to meet her for coffee. I finely relented and met her at a coffe shop today. Early on she asked me about Molly, and at the mere mention of Molly’s name I burst into tears. Up to that moment I was “ok.� She was really understanding and it took a minute to gain my composure.

OnAMission posted, on KatyR’s page “It Happened So Fast,� that she’s unable to sleep in her bed without her Mission there. I have that same feeling about being in our house, especially the sofa. I cannot now sit in the same place on the sofa where I used to sit in the morning, having coffee, with Molly sitting on my lap—every morning. I can’t sit there now. EVERYwhere I go in the house, I expect to see Molly…meowing at me, snuggling with me, “demanding� her bedtime snack. She was as the breathe I breathed every day. That is SO how I feel about her as I think of her….she was SO much a part of my life and gave me SUCH joy and pleasure (and I spoiled her rotten back!!). I try to block out the pain much of the time, simply so I can get through the day….get through another day without her….but the pain is still so there, still SO deep.

[kk0711]

A friend had been after me to meet her for coffee. I finely relented and met her at a coffe shop today. Early on she asked me about Molly, and at the mere mention of Molly’s name I burst into tears. Up to that moment I was “ok.� She was really understanding and it took a minute to gain my composure.

OnAMission posted, on KatyR’s page “It Happened So Fast,� that she’s unable to sleep in her bed without her Mission there. I have that same feeling about being in our house, especially the sofa. I cannot now sit in the same place on the sofa where I used to sit in the morning, having coffee, with Molly sitting on my lap—every morning. I can’t sit there now. EVERYwhere I go in the house, I expect to see Molly…meowing at me, snuggling with me, “demanding� her bedtime snack. She was as the breathe I breathed every day. That is SO how I feel about her as I think of her….she was SO much a part of my life and gave me SUCH joy and pleasure (and I spoiled her rotten back!!). I try to block out the pain much of the time, simply so I can get through the day….get through another day without her….but the pain is still so there, still SO deep.

Hello Snapdragon,

I haven't been on the forum for a few days but checked in today and was wondering how you are doing? It's been 2 1/2 months since I lost Ari and it does get easier to get through the days, not easy, but easier. My husband and I are worlds apart
in how we grieve so I understand what you are talking about. People also don't ask me much anymore, not that too many did in the beginning either tho, about my loss. It's ok because if they are good enough friends, I talk about it some anyway. It helps. I don't talk about it in a maudlin way but acknowledge to my friends and family that I still hurt. Sometimes when I do that, it allows them to express their feelings to me and offer support. Sort of opens it up a bit. I have gone to grief counseling and support groups that are pet specific only and I plan on doing that at least once a month. We are getting two new kittens this Friday and I am scared and excited at the same time. I cry almost every day for a little but allow myself to feel the grief when it hits. I have to. If I don't, I know I will never get to a place where I can truly be happy again. We have kept some of Ari's things for his baby brothers to use and while it makes me sad, it also makes me happy to know they will have some part of their older brother with them. I also know it will make me sad AND happy to see them in the places where Ari used to be.

Take care and take care of yourself Snapdragon.

[Snapdragon]

Hello Snapdragon,

I haven't been on the forum for a few days but checked in today and was wondering how you are doing? It's been 2 1/2 months since I lost Ari and it does get easier to get through the days, not easy, but easier. My husband and I are worlds apart
in how we grieve so I understand what you are talking about. People also don't ask me much anymore, not that too many did in the beginning either tho, about my loss. It's ok because if they are good enough friends, I talk about it some anyway. It helps. I don't talk about it in a maudlin way but acknowledge to my friends and family that I still hurt. Sometimes when I do that, it allows them to express their feelings to me and offer support. Sort of opens it up a bit. I have gone to grief counseling and support groups that are pet specific only and I plan on doing that at least once a month. We are getting two new kittens this Friday and I am scared and excited at the same time. I cry almost every day for a little but allow myself to feel the grief when it hits. I have to. If I don't, I know I will never get to a place where I can truly be happy again. We have kept some of Ari's things for his baby brothers to use and while it makes me sad, it also makes me happy to know they will have some part of their older brother with them. I also know it will make me sad AND happy to see them in the places where Ari used to be.

Take care and take care of yourself Snapdragon.

kk - You are so sweet to write. Hearing from you really does help, thank you. Your encouragement is much needed at this time. Early on it's just so hard to ever imagine that your life will be anything other than pure pain, daily. So hearing your words really does offer some encouragement.

I'm excited for you getting your new babies later this week! Really! I hope you post pictures, though I guess I'll need to go over to another section of this forum, huh? I'll have to do that. And that your new babies will be able to use Ari's toys and things, well, that's kind of nice, kind of bitter-sweet. It's so, so good of you to give some new babies a wonderful home--you will be giving them many, many joyful years with you, I'm sure.

Although I have had my experience with people who don't seem to understand, I am fortunate in that I do have a number of very loving, understanding, caring and supportive friends, though they're all out of state. But all are willing to talk whenever I need. So I'm thankful for that. But it has been agony losing her, and that's no exaggeration. But I will hold onto words of hope, such as yours, that I will see an end to this tunnel of grief.

Thank you again for thinking of me and writing. And all the best to your new kids!! Have you picked out names yet?? :-) And are they siblings? I'm very happy for you! --hugs - Molly's mom