Guilt Of New Puppy And Expectations Options

[wheatenlover]

I just lost my beloved Wheaten Terrier "Chewy" after only six short years and a six month battle with cancer. The grief is overwhelming and he was more like a human than a dog. I know everyone feels that way about their dogs but if anyone has ever owned a Wheaten Terrier they know that these dogs have something amazing about them that make them almost human. I am not trying to say my dog is better or my experience is unique but it helps to share this with others who may be able to relate. We have three dogs total and Chewy was the only Wheaten. The other two are girls and are pot hounds that we rescued from Grenada on our trips there. They are incredible, gentle and loving dogs but they don't seem to have that human quality that my male Wheaten had, not to mention I am a guy so he was a ruff and tumble dog, which I loved. I could hold him upside down, wrestle with him and play with him like guys do. I cant do this witht he other two because they are more timid. Again I love them dearly but I will miss the fun and roughhousing that Chewy loved. He also could literally read my mind. I would just think about going on the boat and he would go to the door, pretend like he wanted to go to the bathroom, then bolt to the boat, hop on and sit in the captain's chair with a look like "I can drive if you want". He swam like a fish, loved the pool, the ocean and would hurl himself in reckless abandon towards any source of water. He literally was up for anything that I did and trusted me with anything up to the end when I had to make the gut wrenching decision to stop his suffering and start mine. This is also the first pet that I have had to do this to and with him being so young it only added to the pain and hurt.

So now onto my thoughts that I would like some feedback...

First, I feel horrible thinking about getting a new Wheaten because I feel that it alienates Chewy's memory as if to say he is replaceable. I don't know if there is a respectable amount of time or heeling process that must take place before I should do this. Secondly, I am scared that if I get one, I will be comparing him too much to Chewy and feel disappointment if he doesn't like the water or is not interested in following me everywhere as an example. I am thinking about a different but similar breed to help mitigate this but I am not sure what breed could compare and if this is the right approach. He recently passed and I just loved him so much and had so much fun with him in every activity and I just want that back desperately. I also know that wants like this can backfire and nothing will ever replace him nor do I want that. I am a guy and supposed to be able to handle these things a little better but my wife seems to be the strong one and I am a mess. Making decisions like this when you are this emotional can be tricky and I am not saying I am going to adopt a new Wheaten tomorrow but I do feel like we offer a good home. He was such an intimate part of our family and household that it seems like we are missing something as important as our front door when I go home. Even if you do not have any advice I appreciate you listening as even sharing my thoughts and feelings is very helpful.

[moon_beam]

Hi, wheatenlover, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Chewy. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Wheatenlover, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure.

Wheatenlover, everyone grieves in their own way, and for you the physical loss of your beloved Chewy is a very painful experience. This doesn't mean your wife is feeling the loss less painful - - it just means that she is finding her own way, a different way, in coping with this enormous adjustment.

Adopting another companion after a physical loss is a very personal decision. Some people find it helpful to adopt quickly as having another companion to take care can be very comforting. Some people find it helpful to wait until their deep grief eases so that they can make a better decision about what they want to do. And some people never adopt again - - for a variety of reasons.

Adopting another Wheaten is NOT being disloyal to your beloved Chewy. Many people are "breed" enthusiasts, and when one of their companions transitions home to the angels, there is no doubt they will adopt another companion from the same breed. During the deep grief it is very normal to want to "re-create" the bond you shared with your beloved companion with another new companion. But this will not happen - - it cannot happen - - for each companion has his / her own unique personalities and needs and preferences - - just like us humans.

My mom used to tell me, "when in doubt, wait. You will know when the time is "right" to do something." I have found this advice to be very useful through the years. My encouragement to you is to wait until you feel more settled and ready to adopt another companion. I assure you that your beloved Chewy is already guiding your path to that moment in time when you will know beyond all shadow of a doubt that you and your new companion are ready to embrace each other.

In the meantime, you may want to consider to "pet sit" for a family member or friend, or do some volunteer work at the local shelter - - or perhaps volunteer as a "rescue" home while the companion is waiting for a Forever Home. Please know that WHATEVER you decide is the RIGHT decision for you.

Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief, and that in time you will begin to find yourself feeling more "settled" again. But until this time comes for you, please know you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

And although your beloved Chewy is no longer physically with you, please know that the love bond you and your beloved Chewy share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Chewy's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will - -for he is always and forever in your heart and memories, wheatenlover - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Chewy with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, wheatenlover, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam