Has Your Loss/grief Changed Relationships/how You Feel About People? Options

[Snapdragon]

So the question I have of you is this, has the loss of your dearly-beloved, your grief, seemed to change either your relationships with some people, or how you feel about some people, or how you feel about people in general?

I’ve lost my Molly-girl. It’s hit me like a ton of bricks. The grief has been so, SO heavy and feels unbearable at times. I’ve wanted to die. But mostly, to the appearance of others I’ve kept any outward expression of my deep grief mostly to myself, though I do tell them I’m “heartbroken” over the loss.

To my surprise, I’m feeling a shift in the relationship I’m having with others…or, at least the way I feel about them. I have a few very close friends and a wide circle of “friends and acquaintances.” I’ve been telling people about Molly’s passing, mostly by email, sometimes in person, sometimes by phone. I’m so, SO very surprised by the individuals who say nothing. I tell them Molly died and that I am heartbroken over it and their response: nothing. Nada. Some don’t even say “oh, gee, I’m sorry.” They don’t even mention it at all. Really? I’m a little surprised by that. There are those who say they “are sorry” but nothing more, not asking how I am, that’s about it. There are a very few who really understand--and they are a God-send. They, along with this web-site, have buoyed me up through this.

So I ask this question of you, because I feel this is going to change my relationship with some people—maybe how I feel about people in general??? Not necessarily in a “bad” way, but in some kind of way for sure (probably not positive, though). I guess, if I were honest, I feel disappointed in the people who said nothing. I normally always give the benefit of the doubt to people; I’m always the person who understands why someone cut me off in traffic (I am always sure something’s going on in their life that is distracting them). So when someone says nothing, or little about the passing of my beloved pet, I have to believe that it is because it hits a nerve with them, or they’ve not gone through it, or it strikes fear in their hearts.

In addition to my very, very deep grief, I am also now feeling somewhat sad that I’m feeling that my relationships with some people will change. So not only have I lost my dearly-beloved friend, I’m in some way losing “other” parts of my life, as they were, as well. Frankly, I feel like my life will never be the same, even though I do hold some hope that this intense pain will let up with time, but somehow, I will never be the same. At this moment, life just feels oh-so sad, so very, very sad.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Your experience? Do you feel some relationships, or how you feel about people--either specifically or in generally, has changed as a result of you loss and grieving?

[KellyMc]

This topic is very timely for me and I've spent the last couple of days reeling from the realization that I have to deal with my pet's loss on my own. I lost my 14 year old chihuahua, Gus, just last Sunday...a mere 5 days ago. I don't really care much about my friends' reactions to my grief, Gus touched many people so I get the sad face posts on FB as a way of expressing their sorry. My challenge is that my partner is not an avid animal lover and I have already had to try and explain that my behavior this week has nothing to do with them. I just don't have the strength to try to make somebody else feel better because they feel distance between us. Gus was really high maintenance before he passed because of his medications, and I did 100% every single thing I could for him to include staying up with him all night and being by his side. And now that he is gone, I guess I am suddenly expected to turn all of my attention to my partner, but I am just too sad and depressed to have to make somebody else feel better.

I don't know if this will cause permanent damage, but I also know that right now, I simply don't care.

[Snapdragon]

This topic is very timely for me and I've spent the last couple of days reeling from the realization that I have to deal with my pet's loss on my own. I lost my 14 year old chihuahua, Gus, just last Sunday...a mere 5 days ago. I don't really care much about my friends' reactions to my grief, Gus touched many people so I get the sad face posts on FB as a way of expressing their sorry. My challenge is that my partner is not an avid animal lover and I have already had to try and explain that my behavior this week has nothing to do with them. I just don't have the strength to try to make somebody else feel better because they feel distance between us. Gus was really high maintenance before he passed because of his medications, and I did 100% every single thing I could for him to include staying up with him all night and being by his side. And now that he is gone, I guess I am suddenly expected to turn all of my attention to my partner, but I am just too sad and depressed to have to make somebody else feel better.

I don't know if this will cause permanent damage, but I also know that right now, I simply don't care.

KellyMc - Not even a week for you. My heart really and truly goes out to you. I wish I were there. The first week after I lost Molly was a living hell. As you may have read, I really and truly just wanted to die. I prayed (really, I begged, I mean that) to die because the pain was so bad. Now I don't pray to be dead, but I if had my druthers, I would just die in my sleep or something. So yes, you are NOT alone. We, here in this forum, know how you feel--we're all going through this together.

And having to think of another person (i.e., partner), while we are grieving, is NOT a bowl full of cherries. My hubby has been really patient with me....he lover our Molly, for sure, but I don't know if it's just a guy thing, or just him, or what, but he is not going through grief that I am. In fact, we had the tv on tonight and there was a comedy on and he's laughing, a full belly laugh, and I think to myself: "...how can you be laughing???!!!" I let it go. And although I don't feel he's expecting a lot from me, and I feel like he's giving me "space," at the same time I don't feel like we're really "relating" right now. Often, when he talks to me, all I hear is "blah, blah, blah"....not to be rude, but it's like there's nothing he has to say that can interest me right now. Truth is, nothing anyone has to say means a lot to me right now. I just want to go into a corner and be left alone, completely alone, I'm in pain and I think I just want solitude right now. So I feel for you having a partner who is now looking to you for your attention. So I don't know what to say, not knowing you better. My inclination is to say to take care of yourself right now, tell your partner that you really, really just need some time and "space" to be with your grief. Sometimes when you tell someone that you "need" something, it's kind'a hard to argue with that. In any case, I hope it goes ok for you and doesn't make things worse. You can only do what you can do. But please, please DO write about your feelings her in this forum. I think it's a very safe place and I think getting your feelings out here is a good thing and will help.

Thank you for writing. You are cared about here. *hugs* - Molly's mom