Kika, Can't believe she is not with me Options

[Valentino my boy]

Almost twelve years ago Kika came into my life, when I was in college and in the worst time for me to get a puppy, but the first time I saw that perfect black & tan chihuahua girl, i just knew that we belong together. At that time I didn't had any money, I don't know what make me spend the little money I had in a puppy, I remember that after paying for her (I later learned that she came from a nasty "breeder", probably if I had know that before I wouldn't have bought her) I didn't have any money left so I had to feed her from free puppy food samples, and had to wait almost a week to get het to the vet and get her first shot, that I couldn't afford her any sweater so I hand sew her first sweater form an old sweatshirt, but she never complained, she was always a very happy, well behaved puppy, and wore her hand made sweater very proudly. And I couldn't find a good name for her in two days, I only knew that since she was a chihuahua it had to be a name in spanish.

She was my companion all of my adult life, she was in every experience that i had, the first time I moved alone, when I graduated from college, in my first job, my wedding, and a lot of happy and sad experiences she was always there by my side.

She was always healthy I've been trying, but can't remember any time that I had to give her medicine because she was sick, our only time into the vet's office for anything other that her regular check ups, was when she got stung by a bee, and the other about a 18 months ago, when I felt her hear beating different, it turned out she had a very mild heart murmur, even her cardiologist was amazed because he had never seen a heart murmur in that early stages, and in every follow up, he congratulated us at how well her heart was considering her age.

That until the first weekend of this year that she had a seizure, and from there begin a long series of tests, where at first nothing bad showed up, just bad appetite and me feeling that something was wrong, my baby was not the same, but the doctors assured me that everything was ok, until the last test that showed a very aggressive degenerative liver disease uncommon in dogs and, I'm not really of this, because I declined the biopsy to formalize the diagnosis, but her usual doctor was inclined to think this was what was wrong with her, and for what he explained that really made sense, with what I was seeing in my girl.

Last week was the hardest, because she lost all her appetite, and she lost a lot of weight, I knew that the end was coming, so this weekend I called my parents so they could plan a visit to say good bye to Kika, my mother even asked if it was necessary to make the trip that same day, but my husband and I thought that it could wait until monday or tuesday, because in the morning she still was waving het tail a little whenever she saw us, she was still trying to follow me around the house, but in the afternoon she just started to feel bad, she was so tired, she just wasn't herself, so we had to take the decision help her into her forever sleep, one of my brothers came with his fiancee to said good bye, and she dozed a little in his arms, very peacefully, it was very sweet.

I remember that once a tanatologist came to the shelter where I volunteer and told me that when an animal is going to be helped, is their time, that they shouldn't be worried with people crying around them, so I steadied up myself, bit back my tears and thanked Kika for all the time we had together, for being such a nice girl, for being my companion, my shadow. I hold her she can go in peace that I was going to be fine, I got to hold her in my arms until her heart stop beating, and the doctor confirmed that she was gone.

And now, I am so sad, a big part of my life is gone, and i haven't been able to cry, I feel very calm and very sad, and I can't cry, I don't know why I can't, if I miss my girl so much.

[Valentino my boy]

i miss you so much today, the last couple of months have been so hard, and you are not there, you were always there with me and getting through all this obstacles has been really hard without you, I can't believe how much I need you, you were my rock and the one that keep me going, for the one I got out of bed even in the hardests days,