My Beautiful Cat Drowned In Our Backyard Options

[scoutsmom]

My soulmate, my best friend, my cat "Scout", healthy and only 7 years old, died tragically after drowning in our pool 2 weeks ago.

I am overcome with guilt and feel it is my fault. I let him down and should have protected and saved him. I just don't know how to forgive myself. Scout was an indoor/outdoor cat his whole life. I tried to keep him inside but he had his own personality and always wanted to go out when it was nice out. He has been going outside since as long as I can remember. I figured he was a veteran pro from being outside as we have lived in a townhome, a farm, and a suburb home with a pool during his life. Last summer he was out much more and the pool was open. He never showed any interest in the pool at all. I never saw him climb on the ledge before and I have been outside with him a lot. I used to have a house with a much larger inground pool in the backyard and he never went near it even though he went outside so I never thought he would try to go into the pool.

This particular evening I was kind of in a bad mood from work, I came home and said hi to Scout but didn't really give him a lot of extra attention. I feel so bad that I didn't give him any treats or cuddle him up that day. My fiance was grilling out and Scout wanted to go outside so he opened the door for him.

Scout often would disappear when outside only to reappear hours later. Though lately, he hadn't been going out as much. I never let him stay out after dark and I trained him since he was a kitten to come to the sound of me clinging his food dish with a spoon. He ALWAYS came no matter what when he heard that sound and I gave him food. Well after about 2 hours I realized he had been outside awhile and it was just before sunset so I went to the side door where a tree is that he liked to sleep under and started calling for him and clanging the dish&spoon. He didn't come so I went out into the backyard and started making the sound with the dish but to my horror I looked over to our swimming pool, and there he was floating on top. I'll never get that image out of my head. I screamed, dropped the dish I was banging on ran to the pool and fished him out. He was already gone. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to give CPR to a cat. My fiance ran outside and is professionally trained in CPR and started giving him CPR like you would give to a baby. He tried for 10 minutes doing CPR but it didn't work. Now I feel terrible because I have been researching how to give a cat CPR and we should have held him upside down and shake him back and forth so the water would drain from his lungs...I hate that I didn't think to google "cat cpr" when this was happening. I was just in panic. My fiance said it doesn't matter that he was already cold and gone and he tried to give him CPR for several minutes. I still wish I would have googled how to give a cat CPR so maybe I could have brought him back...

I feel so absolutely horrible still. I was majorly depressed the first few days and took 2 days off work. We were sitting on the couch the entire time just feet from the pool with the screen door wide open because it was the first nice day of the summer when it wasn't too hot or rainy and we never heard any splashing or sounds. I went out the next day and we put the TV on the same volume level and made a splash in the pool and had my fiance sit where we were and he said he could hear the splash. It just seems I would have been able to hear him if he was struggling for his life in any way.

I feel horrible and like the worst person in the world. My Scout still had so much life ahead of him still and because I didn't save him he is gone. I just can't live with myself knowing I didn't save him and was just sitting nearby as he drowned.

I don't know how I will ever get over this. It wasn't like he was sick and old -- as sad as that is-- he was still young and healthy. He was supposed to stick around 10+ more years. I just feel horrible that this happened to my poor baby Scout.

I don't even know why I am writing this , I am sure most people will think I am horrible for letting him outside-- I just needed to write about it. I'll never forgive myself. All I do now is go to his spot where he would always sit on our couch and look out the window and I cry--every night since this happened. I hug the cushion because his fur is still on it. I miss my baby so much.

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[scoutsmom]

Hi everyone, thank you again for your kind words and support. It's been 2 months to the day I lost Scout (July 24th) (it's midnight as I'm writing this) and I just have been so upset for the past few days knowing now it's 2 months and thinking about the holidays, how much Scout loved the lights on the tree when I put it up every year and now he won't be there ...I thought I was okay for awhile especially with the pool gone...but now there's this huge hole in our backyard and it's a mess..kind of reflective of how I feel. There's a big hole in my heart and I feel like a mess. It's gonna be a huge project to even the the landscaping out there because of the way they installed that dreadful pool....I have to figure it out and it's going to cost money but I don't care. It's hard to really fathom he's really gone and will never be able to cuddle him again.

I feel like I should have gave him a better life...I traveled a lot before I met my fiance and we moved very much..even though he was always with me I still feel like I should have done more to not travel so much with him. He was born in Washington State where I got him from a police department...then we moved to California..then to Florida..then to Virginia..then to Oregon..then back to California..then to Virginia again..and then 15 months before he died me we moved here to Michigan. I just wish I would have treated him to more stability, I had so much happen that I had to keep moving but I always brought him with me. One thing that gives me comfort is that the last 15 months of his life we finally found our forever home and he was very happy here...he loved it so much, he barely went outside and I'm sickened that he went out that day (it was the first day of the summer here that was really nice and not too hot or rainy). I wish I was in a better mood that day..when I came home from work I was in a bad mood and I said hi to him but didn't really pet or cuddle him..I feel so guilty about that. Even thought my fiance said I will drive myself crazy going over all this stuff I just don't know what else to do. I have really bad insomnia now and it's hard for me to think of happy things like getting married and starting my own family...I just wanted Scout to be with us here in our forever home but he left me too soon and my heart is truly broken. I also said to him that one day he'd my grumpy old cat but he was in his prime and I should have had for at least another decade. I'm so sad.

I don't know if men just don't show emotion as much but I have been crying a lot and my fiance only cried when tried giving him CPR and it didn't work and then when we brought him to the pet hospital to have his remains cremated. But he hasn't cried since..he just says he misses him so much too when I start crying. I know my fiance loved him very much but before I met him I had Scout for 6 years I don't think he understands how deeply his loss affects me. He talks about getting another kitten and I just don't think I could..especially if another cat sits where he sat on the couch. I know that it wouldn't be the new kitties fault but I just don't think I could ever love another cat again.

I really appreciate this board and the support offered here. I really don't know what I would do if I couldn't write about this. I keep thinking about what happens to animals when they die..I wish that Scout would contact me..I just wish I had one last cuddle with him. Thanks to everyone who read this far. Have a blessed day.