Goodbye To Joe And Steve Options

[CritzyJ]

I'm so glad to have found this website and the opportunity to grieve along side others. Two days ago, I said goodbye to my two cats, Steve and Joe. Steve was 15 years old and had been diagnosed with kidney failure in April. Despite all our efforts with food, medication, and sub-Q fluids, his systems continued to shut down and his health was failing. Joe was 20 years old and had been diagnosed in June with a large cancerous mass in his chest that was pushing on his trachea, making it hard for him to breathe. My husband and I decided that we didn't want to drag out their lives to the point of extreme suffering and wanted to let them go when they were still in moderate, but declining health. Even still, the decision was agonizing. I wanted them to tell me when they were ready and though their bodies were telling me, they themselves were not. They still socialized and wanted to eat, so I just wasn't sure how to make the decision. Then on Wednesday, they both told me they were ready. It was clear that the time had come, so I let them go.

I thought the letting go part was going to be the hardest, but now two days later, I realize that the real pain comes in the unfolding of memories and the absence of them which seems to scream it's presence throughout the house. My heart is absolutely broken. Yesterday I ordered some garden stones engraved with their names and four little paw print stones to put in the flower garden where they loved to sleep. When I clicked to confirm the order, it was like being punched in the chest. So final.

As I look through photo albums of the last 20 years, I find pictures of them sprinkled throughout the memories of our marriage and it occurred to me that that sprinkling was like they really were in our lives. Cats are kind of elusive and do their own thing and their presence is sprinkled throughout each day, each week, each passing year. In their older years, they were more home bodies and hung out with us and the dogs. Last night I cried so hard I could barely breathe and while I know the pain will eventually lessen, it's hard to believe it ever could. A part of me almost doesn't want it to lesson as that signifies a greater depth of letting go and I never want to let go.

So, I'm rambling and I'm going to stop now, but it feels good just to say it. Thank you for listening.

Jennifer

[Scarlett's M...]

CritzyJ,

I am so very sorry to hear about Vanessa's elevated liver enzymes. I can't imagine what you are going through - dealing with her health on top of your grieving for Joe and Steve... has to be difficult. I pray that the supplements bring Vanessa's levels back down to normal. Let me know about her progress.

I also pray that you keep your strength up and please trust that Vanessa will be well.

Sending you healing thoughts and energy.

[Wracked_with_gui...]

Dear Jennifer,

I'm so sorry for your loss of your two handsome boys.
Thank you for your kind reply to my post and for the quote you shared, which rings so true with me. I know I definitely am no longer the person I was before losing my baby, though I'm not quite sure who I am right now or who this new person is. We lose such a big piece of our hearts when they leave, but I tell myself that it's not really lost, it's in their safekeeping, until we can meet again.
Hugs, I'll be keeping you and Vanessa in my prayers.