Goodbye To Joe And Steve Options

[CritzyJ]

I'm so glad to have found this website and the opportunity to grieve along side others. Two days ago, I said goodbye to my two cats, Steve and Joe. Steve was 15 years old and had been diagnosed with kidney failure in April. Despite all our efforts with food, medication, and sub-Q fluids, his systems continued to shut down and his health was failing. Joe was 20 years old and had been diagnosed in June with a large cancerous mass in his chest that was pushing on his trachea, making it hard for him to breathe. My husband and I decided that we didn't want to drag out their lives to the point of extreme suffering and wanted to let them go when they were still in moderate, but declining health. Even still, the decision was agonizing. I wanted them to tell me when they were ready and though their bodies were telling me, they themselves were not. They still socialized and wanted to eat, so I just wasn't sure how to make the decision. Then on Wednesday, they both told me they were ready. It was clear that the time had come, so I let them go.

I thought the letting go part was going to be the hardest, but now two days later, I realize that the real pain comes in the unfolding of memories and the absence of them which seems to scream it's presence throughout the house. My heart is absolutely broken. Yesterday I ordered some garden stones engraved with their names and four little paw print stones to put in the flower garden where they loved to sleep. When I clicked to confirm the order, it was like being punched in the chest. So final.

As I look through photo albums of the last 20 years, I find pictures of them sprinkled throughout the memories of our marriage and it occurred to me that that sprinkling was like they really were in our lives. Cats are kind of elusive and do their own thing and their presence is sprinkled throughout each day, each week, each passing year. In their older years, they were more home bodies and hung out with us and the dogs. Last night I cried so hard I could barely breathe and while I know the pain will eventually lessen, it's hard to believe it ever could. A part of me almost doesn't want it to lesson as that signifies a greater depth of letting go and I never want to let go.

So, I'm rambling and I'm going to stop now, but it feels good just to say it. Thank you for listening.

Jennifer

[moon_beam]

Hi, CritzyJ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I read in your response to Scarlett's Mom and Dad about your precious Vanessa: "My biggest fear right now is with my dog, Vanessa. She will be 13 in January and has always had elevated liver enzymes. Just found out last week that they have now skyrocketed. High-normal level is 200 and she is at 2800! No other signs of illness, though, so the vet just wants to support her liver with some kind of supplement (I'm picking that up today). I try to just enjoy every day I have with her, rather than living in fear that I will go through all this again in the near future."

CritzyJ, I do soooooo understand from first hand experience how you're feeling, as I have been there with my beloved canine companion Oslo and my beloved beautiful baby kitty girl Abbygayle - - who joined the angels within 4 months of each other - - Oslo at 15 years and 2 weeks due to a sudden stroke and Abbygayle at 6 years and 10 months of age from end stage Fibrosarcoma. I hope and pray your veternary practitioner will be able to help your precious Vanessa with her liver levels, and please let us know how she's doing. And please know your beloved Joe and Steve are keeping a loving vigil over their sister.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Vanessa kindly, CritzyJ, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Steve's and Joe's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Vanessa are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam