Goodbye To Joe And Steve Options

[CritzyJ]

I'm so glad to have found this website and the opportunity to grieve along side others. Two days ago, I said goodbye to my two cats, Steve and Joe. Steve was 15 years old and had been diagnosed with kidney failure in April. Despite all our efforts with food, medication, and sub-Q fluids, his systems continued to shut down and his health was failing. Joe was 20 years old and had been diagnosed in June with a large cancerous mass in his chest that was pushing on his trachea, making it hard for him to breathe. My husband and I decided that we didn't want to drag out their lives to the point of extreme suffering and wanted to let them go when they were still in moderate, but declining health. Even still, the decision was agonizing. I wanted them to tell me when they were ready and though their bodies were telling me, they themselves were not. They still socialized and wanted to eat, so I just wasn't sure how to make the decision. Then on Wednesday, they both told me they were ready. It was clear that the time had come, so I let them go.

I thought the letting go part was going to be the hardest, but now two days later, I realize that the real pain comes in the unfolding of memories and the absence of them which seems to scream it's presence throughout the house. My heart is absolutely broken. Yesterday I ordered some garden stones engraved with their names and four little paw print stones to put in the flower garden where they loved to sleep. When I clicked to confirm the order, it was like being punched in the chest. So final.

As I look through photo albums of the last 20 years, I find pictures of them sprinkled throughout the memories of our marriage and it occurred to me that that sprinkling was like they really were in our lives. Cats are kind of elusive and do their own thing and their presence is sprinkled throughout each day, each week, each passing year. In their older years, they were more home bodies and hung out with us and the dogs. Last night I cried so hard I could barely breathe and while I know the pain will eventually lessen, it's hard to believe it ever could. A part of me almost doesn't want it to lesson as that signifies a greater depth of letting go and I never want to let go.

So, I'm rambling and I'm going to stop now, but it feels good just to say it. Thank you for listening.

Jennifer

[CritzyJ]

Steve sightings...

So the last few days, I keep thinking I'm seeing Steve in different places. Last night as my nephew was leaving the house, I went to flip on the front porch light and the dark shadow my arm made on the floor made me do a double take. Thought Steve was trying to slip out the front door (as he always did). Then today, there was a separation in the leaves of the raspberry bush in the backyard. The dark opening looked like him crouching under the leaves. (Not very realistic, though, since it's raining and he hated being in the rain.) Anyway, just makes my heart hurt a little bit. I miss that little adventurer. And Joe, too, who I think I see almost daily sitting on his favorite chair. Thought I felt his little feet walking at the end of the bed last night, too.

On a rainy day like today, they would both be here in the living room with me, snuggling on my lap and keeping me from typing. Oh, how I miss that.

Critzy J

[Scarlett's M...]

Steve sightings...

So the last few days, I keep thinking I'm seeing Steve in different places. Last night as my nephew was leaving the house, I went to flip on the front porch light and the dark shadow my arm made on the floor made me do a double take. Thought Steve was trying to slip out the front door (as he always did). Then today, there was a separation in the leaves of the raspberry bush in the backyard. The dark opening looked like him crouching under the leaves. (Not very realistic, though, since it's raining and he hated being in the rain.) Anyway, just makes my heart hurt a little bit. I miss that little adventurer. And Joe, too, who I think I see almost daily sitting on his favorite chair. Thought I felt his little feet walking at the end of the bed last night, too.

On a rainy day like today, they would both be here in the living room with me, snuggling on my lap and keeping me from typing. Oh, how I miss that.

Critzy J

Hi CritzyJ,

Thank you for checking in on me reading your comments and those from others is the only way I've been staying sane during this mourning process. I just read this post and was struck by how similar our experiences have been.

We haven't had a rainy day here since our Scarlett passed but I'm dreading that too. I had to put on a rain coat for her because he hated the rain so much - she didn't like getting wet BUT what she did like was when we got back home I would get the hair dryer out and comb her out and dry her wet fur... OH did she love to be pampered, she absolutely loved every moment of that.

Wanted to share another Scarlett experience with you:

Just the other day - it was two months to the day that Scarlett passed - I could have sworn my husband was carrying her down the stairs. He would do that sometimes... it was what a shock to my system, day's before I swear I could see her from the corner of my eye but that day it was as if he was carrying her. Then later that night - my best friend came over to the house to lend her support and she also brought her furry baby Cody. My husband was home too and we were all hanging out in the living room. My husband was on a leather chair on one side of the room and me, Cody and my best friend were on the other side, sitting on the couch. Cody was laying on his mom's lap sleeping and out of nowhere he sat up, jumped down from the couch and b - lined it to my husbands chair. Cody jumped onto my husbands lap, then made his way to his chest, put a paw on either side of his neck and started to lick him non-stop. The thing is Cody has NEVER done any of this behavior before, we've known him for years now, we have watched him at our home when my friend had to go out of town and he has never done anything like this before. My best friend was in shock because she's never seen him do this before either - we all sat there stunned and sobbing because there was only one furry one that did do this behavior - this is the exact same thing Scarlett would do to my husband. My husband then told us that when Cody jumped down from the couch he said that Cody's eyes looked like Scarlett's eyes... how amazing is that. We are still stunned by this... we were given a little more time with Scarlett through this experience, and given more proof that her sweet soul is still with us.

What we all wouldn't do to have our furry one's with us, snuggling up to us just one more time, right? I truly believe this is what Joe and Steve are doing for you... with all the signs you've been getting they are showing you that they are still with you as well.

I hope you are having a good day... and love the photo of Joe and Steve... what handsome boys they are.