Goodbye To Joe And Steve Options

[CritzyJ]

I'm so glad to have found this website and the opportunity to grieve along side others. Two days ago, I said goodbye to my two cats, Steve and Joe. Steve was 15 years old and had been diagnosed with kidney failure in April. Despite all our efforts with food, medication, and sub-Q fluids, his systems continued to shut down and his health was failing. Joe was 20 years old and had been diagnosed in June with a large cancerous mass in his chest that was pushing on his trachea, making it hard for him to breathe. My husband and I decided that we didn't want to drag out their lives to the point of extreme suffering and wanted to let them go when they were still in moderate, but declining health. Even still, the decision was agonizing. I wanted them to tell me when they were ready and though their bodies were telling me, they themselves were not. They still socialized and wanted to eat, so I just wasn't sure how to make the decision. Then on Wednesday, they both told me they were ready. It was clear that the time had come, so I let them go.

I thought the letting go part was going to be the hardest, but now two days later, I realize that the real pain comes in the unfolding of memories and the absence of them which seems to scream it's presence throughout the house. My heart is absolutely broken. Yesterday I ordered some garden stones engraved with their names and four little paw print stones to put in the flower garden where they loved to sleep. When I clicked to confirm the order, it was like being punched in the chest. So final.

As I look through photo albums of the last 20 years, I find pictures of them sprinkled throughout the memories of our marriage and it occurred to me that that sprinkling was like they really were in our lives. Cats are kind of elusive and do their own thing and their presence is sprinkled throughout each day, each week, each passing year. In their older years, they were more home bodies and hung out with us and the dogs. Last night I cried so hard I could barely breathe and while I know the pain will eventually lessen, it's hard to believe it ever could. A part of me almost doesn't want it to lesson as that signifies a greater depth of letting go and I never want to let go.

So, I'm rambling and I'm going to stop now, but it feels good just to say it. Thank you for listening.

Jennifer

[CritzyJ]

I read a cool quote today that I thought I would share:

"What you are doing in the process of grieving for your lost loved one is also grieving for the lost you. You are no longer the person you were, and what’s more, you never will be again."

I've been thinking about that a lot. Not that my whole identity was wrapped up in my kitties, but I was their mom and now I'm not and that has left a hole in my life. I'm still the mom of two sweet dogs, but each has it's own special place in my heart and each plays a role in my life and has such a strong presence in our house and in our family. Sometimes I sit and think and realize I'm not feeling particularly sad at the moment, but just not feeling quite "right." So, I think that quote is quite true. It's a lot about grieving the loss of Joe and Steve, but it's also about grieving the loss of a part of me. A part of me I'll never have again.

That said, every wound leaves a scar and I welcome the scar my kitties will leave on my heart as I heal. Scars always leave us with memories and stories to tell. They stay with us forever and so this scar left by the love and loss of my sweet boys will remind me of them always.

[Scarlett's M...]

I read a cool quote today that I thought I would share:

"What you are doing in the process of grieving for your lost loved one is also grieving for the lost you. You are no longer the person you were, and what’s more, you never will be again."

I've been thinking about that a lot. Not that my whole identity was wrapped up in my kitties, but I was their mom and now I'm not and that has left a hole in my life. I'm still the mom of two sweet dogs, but each has it's own special place in my heart and each plays a role in my life and has such a strong presence in our house and in our family. Sometimes I sit and think and realize I'm not feeling particularly sad at the moment, but just not feeling quite "right." So, I think that quote is quite true. It's a lot about grieving the loss of Joe and Steve, but it's also about grieving the loss of a part of me. A part of me I'll never have again.

That said, every wound leaves a scar and I welcome the scar my kitties will leave on my heart as I heal. Scars always leave us with memories and stories to tell. They stay with us forever and so this scar left by the love and loss of my sweet boys will remind me of them always.

That quote is so accurate. We are definitely not the same. We are all forever changed by our furry ones. What a great testament to their lives, right?
I would always call Scarlett "my little guru." We learned so much from her short life and continue to do so with her passing.

Today's been a rough day for me... just stopped by to say that reading the quote you posted helped.

Left foot, right foot... breathe....