My Beautiful Cat Drowned In Our Backyard Options

[scoutsmom]

My soulmate, my best friend, my cat "Scout", healthy and only 7 years old, died tragically after drowning in our pool 2 weeks ago.

I am overcome with guilt and feel it is my fault. I let him down and should have protected and saved him. I just don't know how to forgive myself. Scout was an indoor/outdoor cat his whole life. I tried to keep him inside but he had his own personality and always wanted to go out when it was nice out. He has been going outside since as long as I can remember. I figured he was a veteran pro from being outside as we have lived in a townhome, a farm, and a suburb home with a pool during his life. Last summer he was out much more and the pool was open. He never showed any interest in the pool at all. I never saw him climb on the ledge before and I have been outside with him a lot. I used to have a house with a much larger inground pool in the backyard and he never went near it even though he went outside so I never thought he would try to go into the pool.

This particular evening I was kind of in a bad mood from work, I came home and said hi to Scout but didn't really give him a lot of extra attention. I feel so bad that I didn't give him any treats or cuddle him up that day. My fiance was grilling out and Scout wanted to go outside so he opened the door for him.

Scout often would disappear when outside only to reappear hours later. Though lately, he hadn't been going out as much. I never let him stay out after dark and I trained him since he was a kitten to come to the sound of me clinging his food dish with a spoon. He ALWAYS came no matter what when he heard that sound and I gave him food. Well after about 2 hours I realized he had been outside awhile and it was just before sunset so I went to the side door where a tree is that he liked to sleep under and started calling for him and clanging the dish&spoon. He didn't come so I went out into the backyard and started making the sound with the dish but to my horror I looked over to our swimming pool, and there he was floating on top. I'll never get that image out of my head. I screamed, dropped the dish I was banging on ran to the pool and fished him out. He was already gone. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to give CPR to a cat. My fiance ran outside and is professionally trained in CPR and started giving him CPR like you would give to a baby. He tried for 10 minutes doing CPR but it didn't work. Now I feel terrible because I have been researching how to give a cat CPR and we should have held him upside down and shake him back and forth so the water would drain from his lungs...I hate that I didn't think to google "cat cpr" when this was happening. I was just in panic. My fiance said it doesn't matter that he was already cold and gone and he tried to give him CPR for several minutes. I still wish I would have googled how to give a cat CPR so maybe I could have brought him back...

I feel so absolutely horrible still. I was majorly depressed the first few days and took 2 days off work. We were sitting on the couch the entire time just feet from the pool with the screen door wide open because it was the first nice day of the summer when it wasn't too hot or rainy and we never heard any splashing or sounds. I went out the next day and we put the TV on the same volume level and made a splash in the pool and had my fiance sit where we were and he said he could hear the splash. It just seems I would have been able to hear him if he was struggling for his life in any way.

I feel horrible and like the worst person in the world. My Scout still had so much life ahead of him still and because I didn't save him he is gone. I just can't live with myself knowing I didn't save him and was just sitting nearby as he drowned.

I don't know how I will ever get over this. It wasn't like he was sick and old -- as sad as that is-- he was still young and healthy. He was supposed to stick around 10+ more years. I just feel horrible that this happened to my poor baby Scout.

I don't even know why I am writing this , I am sure most people will think I am horrible for letting him outside-- I just needed to write about it. I'll never forgive myself. All I do now is go to his spot where he would always sit on our couch and look out the window and I cry--every night since this happened. I hug the cushion because his fur is still on it. I miss my baby so much.

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[DannysMom]

Dear scoutsmom, it will indeed take a long time to get "through" this traumatic event. I'm sorry that some people expect you to be "over" this...they obviously don't understand the deep and wonderful bond you had with Scout. We don't get "over" grief anyway, but we get through it. This involves crying and expressing our pain. It hurts...I know...it hurts a lot, especially since you lost Scout in such a traumatic way. I've lost my two dearest feline friends within 4 months of each other, and it took me almost a year to feel halfway normal again. But grief is individual and the length of time it takes to feel better is different for each person. Don't let people pressure you to feel better. Unfortunately we live in a fast-paced society that doesn't allow us time to grieve and grieving for a beloved fur kid is not always recognized as acceptable grief by everyone.

Scoutsmom, it just seems odd to me that you didn't hear anything with the screen door being wide open and you being nearby. You mentioned in one of your earlier posts that you tested it by having your partner jump into the pool and you said you heard it. Surely if Scout was in distress he would have made a lot of splashing sounds in the water...which makes me wonder if his drowning was accidental or if perhaps somebody snuck in your yard. Maybe it sounds a bit far-fetched, but it just seems odd that you didn't hear anything.

My heart goes out to you...I know that deep searing pain of losing a beloved fur kid and that is something I don't wish on my worst enemy. It is the worst kind of pain there is and as moon_beam would say the grief journey is traveled day by day and sometimes moment by moment. You will feel better one day. You will smile again. Maybe it will take months, but you will feel better. What helped me was to write down my feelings. There are pet loss hotlines that you can call. One that I can recommend is Tuft's University pet loss hotline. Their number is: 508-839-7966. They are very nice and just listen and let you talk and they even send you personalized grief material to read.

Hugs,
DannysMom