Goodbye To Joe And Steve Options

[CritzyJ]

I'm so glad to have found this website and the opportunity to grieve along side others. Two days ago, I said goodbye to my two cats, Steve and Joe. Steve was 15 years old and had been diagnosed with kidney failure in April. Despite all our efforts with food, medication, and sub-Q fluids, his systems continued to shut down and his health was failing. Joe was 20 years old and had been diagnosed in June with a large cancerous mass in his chest that was pushing on his trachea, making it hard for him to breathe. My husband and I decided that we didn't want to drag out their lives to the point of extreme suffering and wanted to let them go when they were still in moderate, but declining health. Even still, the decision was agonizing. I wanted them to tell me when they were ready and though their bodies were telling me, they themselves were not. They still socialized and wanted to eat, so I just wasn't sure how to make the decision. Then on Wednesday, they both told me they were ready. It was clear that the time had come, so I let them go.

I thought the letting go part was going to be the hardest, but now two days later, I realize that the real pain comes in the unfolding of memories and the absence of them which seems to scream it's presence throughout the house. My heart is absolutely broken. Yesterday I ordered some garden stones engraved with their names and four little paw print stones to put in the flower garden where they loved to sleep. When I clicked to confirm the order, it was like being punched in the chest. So final.

As I look through photo albums of the last 20 years, I find pictures of them sprinkled throughout the memories of our marriage and it occurred to me that that sprinkling was like they really were in our lives. Cats are kind of elusive and do their own thing and their presence is sprinkled throughout each day, each week, each passing year. In their older years, they were more home bodies and hung out with us and the dogs. Last night I cried so hard I could barely breathe and while I know the pain will eventually lessen, it's hard to believe it ever could. A part of me almost doesn't want it to lesson as that signifies a greater depth of letting go and I never want to let go.

So, I'm rambling and I'm going to stop now, but it feels good just to say it. Thank you for listening.

Jennifer

[Gretta's Mom]

Dear Critzy]

What dear and darling kitties! You can hardly tell where one ends and the other begins! And theres a reason for that: they are soulmates. Each carries a part of the others soul. And the best news is that YOU are their soulmate too. All of you carry parts of all of the others souls. Thats been so from the beginning of the world and will be so until its end. These amazing kitties seearched all over the unverse to find the one and only being who carried the piece of their souls - until they found ... YOU! Then they put themselves in your pathway so you would meet. And the rest is the most wonderful, loving time of any of your lives. It can never be "un-so". You are joined forever.

Now your kitties have gone back to where they came from: the Perfect World. Where there is only happiness, health, warmth, good food, warm sunshine, cool rain, millions of friends. Only one thing is missing .... YOU ... but just for a time. Someday, when you cross the bridge to the perfect World, they will rush to meet you and you will never again be parted.

As MoonBeam says, we humans live in a sensory world. if we dont see, hear, or touch something, we say its not there. But thats not true. Joey and Stevie are right where thye ever were: right beside you. But theyre there in spirit form. They can see you but you cannot see them. Sometimes you can sense them - maybe just for a fleeting moment. They are still on their job - watching over you, keeping you from harms, and most important of all, loving you.

For the first weeks or maybe months, youre in what I call the shock and awe period. Your heart feels like its been shot to pieces with a high powered rifle and is shattered. Thats right - it has. But the heart cant sustain this kind of pain, so the razor edge will dim a little - leaving you with an ache that I don't think ever passes. Some people say - and for them its probably right - that the pain is replaced with good memories. But I haven't found that to be true. The aches for my Gretta and my Rufus is just below the surface all the time and I shed tears for them easily - like now. But would I have given up the wonderful years I had with them .... NEVER.

Winnie the Pooh is one of my favorites, too. Just keep in mind that Joey and Stevie are always just a breath away and theyre sending down love and strength rays to you all the time. And someday you WILL be together again.

One hour at a time ....

Gretta and Rufuss mom (this site and my computer dont like apostrophes!)

[CritzyJ]

Thank you Gretta and Rufus's mom,

Your words are comforting and I believe they're true. In the past days, I have felt my kitties near me, thought I heard scratching around in the litter box that is no longer there, and felt "phantom" kitty feet at the end of my bed where Joe slept every night of his life.

They are not the first pets I've lost, nor will they be the last (I have 13 and 10 year old dogs). And while the pain of losing them is so gut-wrenching, it's somewhat comforting in a weird way because it's a constant reminder that they were here. They left imprints on our lives and they will always be with us. What a gift!

Thank you again!