Goodbye To Joe And Steve Options

[CritzyJ]

I'm so glad to have found this website and the opportunity to grieve along side others. Two days ago, I said goodbye to my two cats, Steve and Joe. Steve was 15 years old and had been diagnosed with kidney failure in April. Despite all our efforts with food, medication, and sub-Q fluids, his systems continued to shut down and his health was failing. Joe was 20 years old and had been diagnosed in June with a large cancerous mass in his chest that was pushing on his trachea, making it hard for him to breathe. My husband and I decided that we didn't want to drag out their lives to the point of extreme suffering and wanted to let them go when they were still in moderate, but declining health. Even still, the decision was agonizing. I wanted them to tell me when they were ready and though their bodies were telling me, they themselves were not. They still socialized and wanted to eat, so I just wasn't sure how to make the decision. Then on Wednesday, they both told me they were ready. It was clear that the time had come, so I let them go.

I thought the letting go part was going to be the hardest, but now two days later, I realize that the real pain comes in the unfolding of memories and the absence of them which seems to scream it's presence throughout the house. My heart is absolutely broken. Yesterday I ordered some garden stones engraved with their names and four little paw print stones to put in the flower garden where they loved to sleep. When I clicked to confirm the order, it was like being punched in the chest. So final.

As I look through photo albums of the last 20 years, I find pictures of them sprinkled throughout the memories of our marriage and it occurred to me that that sprinkling was like they really were in our lives. Cats are kind of elusive and do their own thing and their presence is sprinkled throughout each day, each week, each passing year. In their older years, they were more home bodies and hung out with us and the dogs. Last night I cried so hard I could barely breathe and while I know the pain will eventually lessen, it's hard to believe it ever could. A part of me almost doesn't want it to lesson as that signifies a greater depth of letting go and I never want to let go.

So, I'm rambling and I'm going to stop now, but it feels good just to say it. Thank you for listening.

Jennifer

[moon_beam]

Hi, CritzyJ, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical losses of your beloved companions Steve and Joe. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels. Losing two, or more, companions at the same time or within a short period of time intensifies the grief.

CritzyJ, please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both physically and emotionally, yes - - still very normal. This grief journey is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride.

This grief journey is not one of "getting over" or "moving on" or finding "closure" to the physical loss of our beloved companion but rather is a journey of "adjustment to" their physical absence - - and it is a very painful adjustment to make - - for you are now enduring all the "first withouts" and the continual reminders of "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" that right now are very painful and only seem to intensify the deep grief that is in your heart. It is a journey filled with the heartbreaking task of having to "re-invent" the routines of our daily lives that no longer includes the physical needs of our beloved companion - - and during the very deep grief it feels like every minute of every hour of every day is a painful reminder of this sorrowful "reality."

But I promise you, CritzyJ, that it will not always be this way. One day - - very probably when you least expect it - - you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Steve and Joe and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will once again feel the warmth of your treasured memories. And slowly but surely you will feel your beloved Steve and Joe reassuring you that it is okay to once again enjoy your continued earthly journey - - for your happiness is always their greatest delight. But it will take time for you to come to this point in your grief adjustment journey - - one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. But this journey is one that you do not travel alone, CritzyJ. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

The good news in the midst of all this pain is that the love bond you and your beloved Steve and Joe share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Steve's and Joe's sweet Living Spirits continue to share your earthly journey as they always have and always will, CritzyJ - - for they are always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - they are always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep sorrow that there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in our heart. Still, I hope and pray the words I share with you will be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Steve and Joe with us, CritzyJ. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing pictures of them with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, CritzyJ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam