Help! Finding A Way To Live With Her Still Alive =( Options

[michteach1972]

I come to this site looking for help. For many years as a child I could not live with pets because of severe allergies. Due to severe sun allergies I didn't want to be touched as a child.

It is a miracle that I am able to have dogs in my home. I married a dog person and we eventually adopted a golden/lab mix. We took care of her through a house fire and were her forever owners.

When Holly, our first girl started to fail we found Lucy, our current golden retriever to help extend the life of Holly. This helped us accept the laryngeal paralysis diagnosis Holly had and we learned to love Lucy.

We've had here 4 and 1/2 years and also by a miracle been afforded 3 extra months with her as she has a diagnosis of lymphoma. We know full remission is rare in this disease, it runs in the golden breed, and can not afford chemotherapy.

I think I compartmentalized for the past month, and when we were given the final diagnosis yesterday I finally let it all sink in. I was up half the night with my Lucy "baby" Belle and I can not stop crying.

I am a teacher, have nurtured many human beings, even stayed for the event when we had to put down Holly 3 years ago. This is first time in my life that I've raised a puppy to adult hood and then been faced with cancer in a dog of my own. I already know I can't stay with her in the end.

Devastated doesn't begin to describe this, mostly because I have no biological children of my own and that we know of can not have children. She is so young. I'm so in love with her I sing her to sleep.

Can someone help me with living her while she is sick and facing death?

[michteach1972]

Thanks to both of you for your kind, thoughtful, and helpful words. I was not aware about mobile vet services or anticipatory grief. I am comforted by your experience and willingness to comfort me.

The anticipatory grief comes in waves, hour to hour, and as you said moon_beam, some times are better than other.

Some of the things my husband and I have planned for our Lucy are as follows: visiting Lake Huron, as she can still walk in the water she loves, letting her enjoy some of her guilty pleasure food treats, maybe making a scrap book of her pictures, having a cousin who is a professional photographer take our family pictures (us wtih Lucy and Charley our cocker spaniel).

Right now she is very mobile, tired much of the time, able to still do all bodily functions, enjoys some limited play, and excited to go for rides. My niece is staying with me and that is helping me with this process.

You have made a HUGE difference in my day. I can now see a way to go about living the now. This is better for now!