Help! Finding A Way To Live With Her Still Alive =( Options

[michteach1972]

I come to this site looking for help. For many years as a child I could not live with pets because of severe allergies. Due to severe sun allergies I didn't want to be touched as a child.

It is a miracle that I am able to have dogs in my home. I married a dog person and we eventually adopted a golden/lab mix. We took care of her through a house fire and were her forever owners.

When Holly, our first girl started to fail we found Lucy, our current golden retriever to help extend the life of Holly. This helped us accept the laryngeal paralysis diagnosis Holly had and we learned to love Lucy.

We've had here 4 and 1/2 years and also by a miracle been afforded 3 extra months with her as she has a diagnosis of lymphoma. We know full remission is rare in this disease, it runs in the golden breed, and can not afford chemotherapy.

I think I compartmentalized for the past month, and when we were given the final diagnosis yesterday I finally let it all sink in. I was up half the night with my Lucy "baby" Belle and I can not stop crying.

I am a teacher, have nurtured many human beings, even stayed for the event when we had to put down Holly 3 years ago. This is first time in my life that I've raised a puppy to adult hood and then been faced with cancer in a dog of my own. I already know I can't stay with her in the end.

Devastated doesn't begin to describe this, mostly because I have no biological children of my own and that we know of can not have children. She is so young. I'm so in love with her I sing her to sleep.

Can someone help me with living her while she is sick and facing death?

[moon_beam]

Hi, michteach, please permit me to offer you my sincerest condolences in the diagnosis of lymphoma for your precious Lucy. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal grief- - it is referred to Anticipatory Grief.

Anticipatory Grief is different, yet similar - - to the grief journey we go through after our beloved companion has joined the angels. With Anticipatory Grief we are teetering between the "reality" that the physical time we have with our precious companion is now limited while our survival mechanisms kick in to protect us from the overwhelming grief while yet another part of us still hopes for a miracle on whatever level that allows our companion to stay with us- - just one more minute, one more hour, one more day . . . one more lifetime. We teeter between not knowing how we will be able to continue on without them yet not ever wanting them to be in pain and suffering. Anticipatory Grief is a horror roller coaster ride all of its own.

Cheri has given you some very good information about euthanasia. Please let me try to reassure you that whatever decision you make about being present at the time is the RIGHT ONE for you. Many people cannot be present while others are compelled to be present. There is no "wrong" decision - - you must do what is best for YOU. Not being present is not being disloyal to or letting down your precious Lucy. Love is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space - - she knows you love her whether you are physically together or not.

As it is with the grief adjustment journey we travel after our beloved companions have joined the angels, so it is with the Anticipatory Grief journey: it is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. Embrace the good days and comfort one another when the days aren't so good. Quality of life will guide you on what brings your precious Lucy happiness and comfort.

One of the many important things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your Anticipatory Grief journey, michteach. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you through every step of your and your precious Lucy's journey - - whatever you feel comfortable sharing with us.

Thank you so much for sharing your precious Lucy with us. Please know you and your precious Lucy are in my thoughts and prayers, michteach, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam