10 Days Since My Samantha Left For The Bridge, Loss of my American Eskimo. My little girl. Options

[eskie2002]

It has been 10 days since the passing of my Samantha. She passed on peacefully at our Vet's office after she and I learned she had advanced stage cancer. She was diagnosed on April 11, 2013. When we left the Vet's office I cried, hugged her, kissed her, and told her, "Baby, you can have anything you want now...anything". She knew by my emotions that things were not good for her. I know she could understand everything I was telling her. The Vet said I would have at least 2-3 months with her, but that wasn't so. She passed away less than a month (May 7, 2013) after her diagnosis. Samantha was my pride and joy. My beautfiul American Eskimo. After learning of her diagnosis I set out to find another American Eskimo as I always promised Samantha I would find her a sister. She had brothers and sisters before and I knew she missed having them to play with. I wasn't trying to replace Samantha by no means, but trying to find her a sister to lift her spirits. I then found an American Eskimo puppy. The puppy was just born and wasn't ready to come to our home yet. I kept telling Samantha to hang in there so she could meet her new sister. After all, I thought Samantha would be with us for a few months. This new sister I am to pick up on June 1st. Sadly, Samantha could no longer keep her fight going against the cancer. I could not let her suffer as that would be highly selfish of me to keep her going for me and her new little sister.
The pain and emptiness is awful. It seems everywhere I look, be it my home, walking outside, going to the store...I see my Samantha everywhere. She and I did everything together. We were inseperable. I didn't just consider her my pet, but she was my child, my daughter. I miss talking to her and she cocking her head when I spoke to her. She knew what I was saying to her. Everyday, I question if I gave her a good life. I adopted her when she was 8-months old and she came from a severely abusive situation. How can anyone be so cruel to a furry child? All they want to do is love us unconditionally and we love them in return. That is all they ask of us. Is that so difficult for some? I pitty people who do not have furry kids as they are missing out on the joys they bring us.
I live alone and it has been rough. I cry everyday, several times per day. I have dishes piled up in the sink that need to go in the dishwasher. But I don't care. Those things can wait. I tell myself it is my time to greive. When we lose a furry child there is so much emptiness. The heartaches. I have to admit I am afraid to be alone. Samantha was there to keep me company. I never felt alone when she was with me.

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[JulieLBM]

Hi there eskie,
Words cannot describe the feeling we experience when our fur children leave us for the new world.
Only those who have adopted, loved and taken care of one can understand how empty and pointless out lives suddenly seem to us.
I am so sorry for your Samantha, cancer is awful. I lost my 11 years old Labrador for cancer 4 years ago, she was my baby girl. We adopted her when I was 5, I grew up with her and we cherished some wonderful years together and when she died I couldn't believe it happened. I couldn't believe that I wouldn't see her pretty face ever again, or that I wasn't to touch her silky ears anymore. My life was meaningless It was like I had lost a piece of my life, I lost my past.
You know they say that it's what you have and do that defines yourself , I was not only Julie, I was Julie the 16 years old teenager , who loved pink, who grew up in her old family house who had a sister and who had two cats and a dog she was crazy for, who were all her life. So, my sister defines me as not being an only child , that house defines me and my family as a traditional family very proud of their origins, and my babies defined me as being a proud mom , sister and friend. When I lost lily I didn't have my fur baby anymore, I had literally lost a piece of me. A very important piece that no one could ever replace.
But I somehow learned to accept that I didn't lose that piece, that piece of me was still there, it had just moved from my present to my past. Lily hadn't been erased by this world, she lives in the memories of those who met and loved her. Our neighbors (two kids of pretty much my sisters age and mine) loved her, we played with her all together at Sundays while our parents prepared the BBQ and Lilly always beg for a piece of sausage. And in the winter we played in the snow and we would hide and she would find us. Those moments, this wonderful precious moments will never be erased and through those moments she will live on in our hearts.
This is the same for your Samantha.
She lives in you, and she will live in you forever and ever, what I always tell myself is that my babies (I lost my two cats last year too) they all live in the safest place of all, and we've never been closer now cause they live inside me, they live in my heart, in my memory in my soul, and as long as ill keep loving them, they'll live on. That doesn't mean I don't miss them, cause I do, I miss them so much it kills me sometimes, cause I need to hug them and touch their fur and kiss them and look in their big eyes sometimes. But we have to learn to accept this as a change. The ways we used to feel close to them have changed, now they live inside us and wherever we go there they'll be.
Samantha has never left you, her soul is right with you, if you look in yourself you'll see that she s not gone so far.

I hope you'll find peace.
Samantha looks like a sweet beautiful dog. I am glad she was saved from that abusive situation, cause she deserved better, they all deserve someone to love them. I wish more people understood that.
Have a good day. Remember whatever you do from now on, she'll be right beside you. You cannot see her bit she does. Now she just want you to be happy, and to give to her new sister all the love you can give. She'll live on in you two.

Take care