Can't Sleep, need/want input Options

[terio]

Hi friends,
This last week has been hard and I'm trying to come to terms with all this. This all started a month ago with Dutchess cancer surgery after my finding a lump. It was near the surface and removed and the margins were clear so I hoped for the best.
She had one good week...but then she started doing a lot of whining which is totally out of character. I took her back in two weeks later and the vet examined her and said she had a hernia that needed to be repaired. I also told her that Dutchess was drinking excessive water. The vet told me that Dutchess's blood work for her cancer surgery was all good. She was having trouble walking more than her usual arthritis. The vet said that was not due to the hernia.
It was Christmas week so we scheduled her hernia operation for Monday Dec 27...but I had a bad feeling. Dutchess kept whining and walking was getting worse. The morning of the surgery I told them that she wouldn't be having the surgery because she could barely walk... The vet checked her out and found diabetes... so advanced that she had ketones in her urine and needed to be hospitalized.
I don't want to play the blame game... but wish she would have rechecked her blood when I brought her in a week earlier. It turns out that the pre cancer blood work that she told me was so good actually did have high sugar..but not as high as it was now and they chalked it off to "stress." It wouldn't have changed the outcome if she'd found it a week earlier but it does make me question her being careful and checking details. When they got her diabetes under check the limpness in her back legs corrected and she could have been spared a week that she was whining in pain.
Any way after a couple of days of hospitalization and a trip to the emergency clinic when she started vomiting... we did the stumach tests that revealed the progression of cancer into the stumach which is where we are at now.
Praise God that Dutchess has been able to keep her food down and seems comfortable at home the last couple days. However tonight she only ate half her meal... which isn't good. This is so painful to watch the decline.
One of my concerns is this... I come to these boards because I need so badly to talk about what I'm going thru to people who understand. I know that we are all hurting. I don't want to hurt any of you... because I read your heart breaking stories about your missing your pets and I am still able to hold Dutchess. I don't want to offend anybody.
Okay... well I feel a little bit wound down after posting some of this... Maybe I can sleep now. I just had to unload some pain. I'm sad... hate to see my loved one sick and worried that the illness is progressing. I know I can't fall apart but I'd like to... this stinks. deep breath...... thanks for listening