I Still Hurt So Much.... Options

[LillyGreyshipp]

It sounds so stupid and cleche but I have a hole in my heart.

I'll be forward with this, I have depression/anxiety issues. When things would get bad, I could look at my cat and keep living. We loved each other and I didn't trust his care to anyone else.

Now he's gone.

I got another cat from the shelter. He's not a bad cat, but we don't have a connection. He'd rather hang out in the living room then in my room with me. He wants to cuddle for five minutes a day, and that's it.

I miss my cat. And further more, I miss the bond we had.

I could be wrong, but I think it would help me a lot if I could have that bond again. But I don't know how to get it.

I need a lap cat, but I don't know how to get one. Supposing I could get one, would it help?

[DannysMom]

Lilly, I am sorry for your loss, and I can very well understand how you want your new companion to be a lap cat. We want things the way they used to be and what made us happy and what we are familiar with. I think Kel hit it spot on when she said that things changed for her when she stopped expecting Earl Grey to be who she wanted him to be. It could be that your new companion can sense you keeping your emotional distance from him and maybe that's why he's keeping a physical distance from you, out of respect and to let you grieve. Please give it time for the new bond to establish. It took my Shelley a few months to become a lap cat. You don't know the history of your new companion. It could be that he is also grieving for his former home. It takes time. Find out what he likes and play with him. Accept him for who he is. I know readjusting to a new cat can be difficult emotionally, but I'm sure your new companion is very sweet in his own way. Just give it time and don't expect too much right away. Just as we want to be loved for ourselves so do cats. But it's so hard to establish that new bond when you're still grieving. It will take "baby" steps.

Hugs,
DannysMom