I Miss My Boy Jack, Life doesn't feel right without you next to me Options

[PomMom]

Four months ago today I lost my dog Jack in a horrible accident. He was my best little friend, my world. I could never imagine I would loose him the way I did. I still can't wrap my head around how it happened. I really need to tell the story because I've been holding it in, so it's going to be long and I am typing through tears so please bear with me.

Jack was a 6 1/2 year old black Pomeranian. I had him since the day he was born, I have both his parents who had a litter of puppies (not on purpose). All his siblings went to family and I kept Jack, Gucci (mom) and Kona (dad). Jack and I shared the most amazing bond out of my three dogs, he was "my boy", we got to spend so much time together, I worked from home until a few months ago so Jack spent a lot of time sitting behind my back in my office chair or following me wherever I went, he was my little shadow day and night. He rarely missed out on a car ride, but occasionally the safer choice was to leave him at home.

August 29th was one of those rare occasions that Jack needed to stay home for a few hours. My husband and I had planned a bike ride in the woods and I didn't feel comfortable leaving the dogs alone in the truck in a remote area. We were gone a total of four hours. On the way home on the highway there was a small animal in the middle of the road that had been run over and badly disfigured. I quickly looked away and commented to my husband how I felt so sorry for people who find there pets like that, it's not how you want to remember them.

Minutes later we pulled up to our house and I ran out to the pen to bring the dogs inside. When I got close I realized only Kona was in the pen. I immediately panicked, ran to the house to find Gucci inside but Jack was nowhere to be found. At this point I am hysterical and call my brother who lives on the property. He tells me he assumed Jack was in the house and that when he got home the other dogs were loose in the yard and the pen gate was open so he put Gucci in the house and Kona back in the pen. Supposedly a couple hours earlier his girlfriend and her friend were petting them through the fence and everything was fine. My heart stopped, I suddenly realized it was my baby that we had to drive over in the road. My husband didn't think it could be him, it was so far from the house but said he would go and make sure. When he finally came back he just looked and me and I fell apart. Nothing was adding up, Jack had never left the yard, it was so far away, there is no possible way the gate opened by itself and I am positive it was shut. There are so many unanswered questions.

I miss him every hour of every day, I struggle with the images in my head of him laying in the road so badly disfigured, I didn't even recognize him. I have not been able to look at pictues yet, it hurts too much and I feel like I could have an anxiety attack just thinking about it. This should have never happened to Jack, I always tried to put him first and I feel like I failed him.

I do believe we get to see our fur babies again, sometimes that's what gets me through the days. The night before last I had a very real dream, it was the first time Jack has been in a dream since he passed. In the dream I was lying in bed and sat up to Jack bouncing around and playing on top of the blankets, he looked perfect and happy, I started petting his back and felt his paws like I used to. I was amazed how soft he felt because even in the dream I knew he was no longer with me. He looked in my eyes (he used to like to do this with his paws on my chest) and was able to tell me without speaking that he was happy and I shouldn't be so sad. I told him how much I missed him and I turned to my husband excitedly and asked if he could see him. Then my alarm went off and I woke up. It felt so real and I'm not quite sure what to make of it. Maybe he really was able to let me know he is okay, I like to think so.

Mom misses you Jack, I love you my little snapper. I'm sorry.

[moon_beam]

Hi, PomMom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Sometimes during our deep grief when we have dreams of our beloved companions, or visits from other avenues that our beloved companions let us know they are still with us, it can be heartbreaking - - for our sorrow is still very new and our hearts have not yet adjusted to the "new normal" of not having their precious physical presence still with us. Still I hope in time you will find comfort from your beloved Jack's visit to you in your dream reassuring you that he is happy in his heavenly home while he awaits your appropriate time to join him in eternal joy - - then the both of you will be whole again.

I can relate to your struggle with other grief websites before finding Lightning Strike. I am so glad you have come here, PomMom, for this truly is a place where each of us can come to share our grief journeys - - and new arrivals into our hearts and homes - - with others who can share what is in our hearts without fear of judgment or recrimination or rejection.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Jack with us, PomMom. I hope today is treating you kindly and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jack's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam