I Miss My Boy Jack, Life doesn't feel right without you next to me Options

[PomMom]

Four months ago today I lost my dog Jack in a horrible accident. He was my best little friend, my world. I could never imagine I would loose him the way I did. I still can't wrap my head around how it happened. I really need to tell the story because I've been holding it in, so it's going to be long and I am typing through tears so please bear with me.

Jack was a 6 1/2 year old black Pomeranian. I had him since the day he was born, I have both his parents who had a litter of puppies (not on purpose). All his siblings went to family and I kept Jack, Gucci (mom) and Kona (dad). Jack and I shared the most amazing bond out of my three dogs, he was "my boy", we got to spend so much time together, I worked from home until a few months ago so Jack spent a lot of time sitting behind my back in my office chair or following me wherever I went, he was my little shadow day and night. He rarely missed out on a car ride, but occasionally the safer choice was to leave him at home.

August 29th was one of those rare occasions that Jack needed to stay home for a few hours. My husband and I had planned a bike ride in the woods and I didn't feel comfortable leaving the dogs alone in the truck in a remote area. We were gone a total of four hours. On the way home on the highway there was a small animal in the middle of the road that had been run over and badly disfigured. I quickly looked away and commented to my husband how I felt so sorry for people who find there pets like that, it's not how you want to remember them.

Minutes later we pulled up to our house and I ran out to the pen to bring the dogs inside. When I got close I realized only Kona was in the pen. I immediately panicked, ran to the house to find Gucci inside but Jack was nowhere to be found. At this point I am hysterical and call my brother who lives on the property. He tells me he assumed Jack was in the house and that when he got home the other dogs were loose in the yard and the pen gate was open so he put Gucci in the house and Kona back in the pen. Supposedly a couple hours earlier his girlfriend and her friend were petting them through the fence and everything was fine. My heart stopped, I suddenly realized it was my baby that we had to drive over in the road. My husband didn't think it could be him, it was so far from the house but said he would go and make sure. When he finally came back he just looked and me and I fell apart. Nothing was adding up, Jack had never left the yard, it was so far away, there is no possible way the gate opened by itself and I am positive it was shut. There are so many unanswered questions.

I miss him every hour of every day, I struggle with the images in my head of him laying in the road so badly disfigured, I didn't even recognize him. I have not been able to look at pictues yet, it hurts too much and I feel like I could have an anxiety attack just thinking about it. This should have never happened to Jack, I always tried to put him first and I feel like I failed him.

I do believe we get to see our fur babies again, sometimes that's what gets me through the days. The night before last I had a very real dream, it was the first time Jack has been in a dream since he passed. In the dream I was lying in bed and sat up to Jack bouncing around and playing on top of the blankets, he looked perfect and happy, I started petting his back and felt his paws like I used to. I was amazed how soft he felt because even in the dream I knew he was no longer with me. He looked in my eyes (he used to like to do this with his paws on my chest) and was able to tell me without speaking that he was happy and I shouldn't be so sad. I told him how much I missed him and I turned to my husband excitedly and asked if he could see him. Then my alarm went off and I woke up. It felt so real and I'm not quite sure what to make of it. Maybe he really was able to let me know he is okay, I like to think so.

Mom misses you Jack, I love you my little snapper. I'm sorry.

[moon_beam]

Hi, PomMom, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Jack. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so tragically and unexpectedly intensifies our grief.

PomMom, please let me try to offer you some words of comfort and reassurance that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. This grief journey is filled with many different emotions all of which can overwhelm us all at one time - - this grief journey is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief journey. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your time. Because we live in a physically-oriented world, one of the hardest parts of this grief journey, among many, is adjusting to the physical absence of your beloved Jack. To help ease the pain of the physical separation, you may find it helpful to hold one of his toys, or a blanket, his collar - - something that belongs only to your beloved Jack when the ache to hold him and touch him becomes more than your heart can bear. No, it isn't the same as physically holding him, but it will help to bridge the desolate emptiness and ache while you travel your adjustment journey.

The good news in the midst of your deep sorrow is that the love bond you and your beloved Jack share is eternal. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Jack's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will. He is always and forever a part of you, PomMom, for he is always and forever in your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

It does not surprise me that your beloved Jack has found a way to let you know he is now healed and restored to his former youthfulness in the company of the angels. Our beloved companions do find ways to let us know they are with us still - - sometimes in dreams, sometimes through visits by other woodland residents, sometimes through the actions of other precious companions who continue to share our earthly journey - - even new companions we embrace into our hearts and lives. I hope somehow in some way your heart will find comfort from Jack's visit.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart, PomMom. I can only hope and pray that the words I share with you will be able to offer you some measure of comfort as you travel your grief adjustment journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Jack with us, PomMom. Perhaps sometimes you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of him with us, but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, PomMom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam